The Uncanny Fantastic Four
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 38: Sue and the girls head out on a girls' night out. Nothing could possibly go wrong... could it? Part of the Uncanny Marvel Universe.
1. First Encounter

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 1: First Encounter  
  
By  
The Ever-Lovin'-Brown-Eyed  
R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. Not the Fantastic 4 or the Thing's admirer, they all belong to Marvel!  
  
Quote of the day- 'I don't care if he's rogering the Duke of York with a prize-winning leek, HE SHOT MY PIGEON!'- General Melchett (Blackadder Goes Forth)  
  
A bar somewhere in the Bronx-  
  
Benjamin J. Grimm, better know to the public at large as, the ever- loving blue-eyed Thing, is sitting in his local bar tossing back a few beers. You would think that the bar patrons would be wary of such a person frequenting their. The matter couldn't be further from the truth. A few years back, during on of Dr Doom's battles against the Fantastic 4, a stray laser beam blasted part of the masonry away from the bar wall and the building began to collapse. Seeing the trouble, the Thing risked his own life to save those already inside! Another factor is that Wolverine can sometimes be seen there too!  
  
'Nother beer Ben?' The barman asks.  
  
'Keep 'em comin!' Ben replies.  
  
The barman pops open another bottle and passes it to the orange-skinned hero.  
  
'Hey Joey.'  
  
'Yeah?'  
  
'You still do those fried onion flowers right?'  
  
'Sure due Ben! You're the sole reason we do 'em!'  
  
'Be a pal and fry a few will ya?'  
  
'Coming right up!'  
  
With that, the barman goes out to the kitchen to start cooking.  
  
Ben takes a sip of his beer and looks into the large mirror overhead. He notices a woman approach him from behind. She has long auburn hair and emerald green eyes.  
  
'Is anybody sitting here?' The woman asks.  
  
'Nah, go ahead.' Ben replies.  
  
The woman sits down and orders herself a drink.  
  
'Hi, I'm Helena.' She says, holding out her hand.  
  
'Ben, but you already knew that, right?' Ben replies, shaking her hand.  
  
'Oh yeah, I've seen you on the news.'  
  
'Don't take this personal or nuthin.' Ben says. 'But you seem a bit too classy to come to a joint like this. Usually the only woman that we get in here are hookers, or Typhoid Mary!'  
  
'I'm neither of those.' Helena replies. 'I'm just here for a drink.'  
  
The barman returns with Helena's drink, a Martini as it happens.  
  
'Cheers!' She says, clinking Ben's beer bottle.  
  
'Cheers!' Ben replies.  
  
They both take a sip of their respective drinks.  
  
'Is it me or have I seen you somewhere before?' Ben asks.  
  
'You might have saved me from a mugger a while ago.' Helena replies. 'Then again, maybe I've just got one of those faces.'  
  
The barman then brings up the onion flower things.  
  
'I've always wondered how they make those things!' Helena says.  
  
'It's quite simple really.' Ben replies. 'First they cut the onion into the flower shape then they freeze it, to keep the shape. When that's done, they fry it!'  
  
'Will wonders never cease?' Helena grins. 'First mankind builds the pyramids, then the Renaissance, then they learn how to make such a delectable dish as that!'  
  
An hour or so later-  
  
Ben and Helena are now sat in a side booth. Ben is telling her about one of the Fantastic 4's random battles with Dr Doom.  
  
'And that's how Mr Fantastic got his scar?'  
  
'Yup.' Ben replies. 'Doomsie burnt him in revenge for getting trapped in Hell!'  
  
'Poor guy!' Helena sighs. At Ben's look she corrects herself. 'Uh, Reed of course!'  
  
Helena then looks down at her watch.  
  
'Oh goodness! I have to go, I've got to get up early in the morning!'  
  
She then rifles around in her bag for a piece of paper and a pen. She writes down a number and passes it to Ben. 'Call me!'  
  
With that, she leaves, leaving Ben watching after her in bemusement.  
  
A dingy motel several blocks away-  
  
Helena unlocks the door to her motel room and walks in. She dumps her bag onto her dresser table and removes her blonde wig, revealing long black hair underneath. She slumps down onto her bed and looks up at the ceiling.  
  
'Has it really come to this?' She thinks to herself. 'The Black Queen of the Hellfire Club frequenting grotty little bars?'  
  
Selene sits back up and walks over to a full-body mirror. She mutters a few words and her long purple dress changes back into her usual attire of black leather bustier and thigh-high nigh-heeled boots.  
  
Selene walks over to her bed and slumps back down.  
  
'I can't believe this!' She says. 'First my powers of immortality are taken from me, and then I am ejected from the Hellfire Club! All because of August!'  
  
The Baxter Building, Home of the Fantastic 4-  
  
Johnny Storm, aka the Human torch, is pottering around in the kitchen rustling up a snack. He looks up from his sandwich preparations as Ben walks in through the door.  
  
'You seem awfully chipper Ben!' Johnny says. 'You're not drunk are ya? Remember what Sue said about too much beer!'  
  
'Oh stow it ya over-frown Zippo lighter!' Ben replies. 'For your information, I've got a chick's phone number!'  
  
'No way!' Johnny gasps. 'Prove it!'  
  
'Read it and weep!' Ben replies, waving the note in front of Johnny's face. 'I've got a chick's number and you ain't!  
  
'Gimmie it! I wanna see!' Johnny says as he tries to make a grab for the note. Ben just holds it higher, out of his reach.  
  
'There's no way that you got a real chick's number!' Johnny says. 'You faked it!'  
  
'Did not!'  
  
'Did too!'  
  
'DID NOT!'  
  
'DID TOO!  
  
'Didn'tdidn'tdidn't!'  
  
'You're just jealous cuz you haven't had any for weeks!' Ben grins.  
  
'I could get anyone I wanted!' Johnny pouts.  
  
'Yeah ya can kid, sure ya can!'  
  
Ben then goes to sit on the couch and watch TV. Then Susan and Reed Richards, aka the Invisible Woman and Mr Fantastic walk in.  
  
'Oh Ben.' Sue says. 'You're in early! Did you have a good time?'  
  
'Sure did Suzie!' Ben grins.  
  
'Ben reckons that he's got a girl's number! I say it's fake!' Johnny pouts from the kitchen.  
  
'Good for you Ben!' Reed grins. 'It's nice to see you happy for once!'  
  
'I know Stretcho!' Ben replies. 'There's finally a woman that isn't scared to look at me!'  
  
'Are you going to phone her back?' Sue asks, walking up beside Johnny and brewing up some coffee.  
  
'You bet I am!' Ben grins. 'This opportunity is too good to miss!'  
  
TBC...  
  
What does Selene want with Ben? Who is this August that stripped her of her powers and kicked her out of the Hellfire Club? Will Ben find out who Helene really is before it's too late? Find out the answers to these question and more, next time on: 'What a Revoltin' Development!' 


	2. Confessions of a Black Queen

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 2: Confessions of a Black Queen  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the Fantastic 4 or Selene, they all belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Of course I've done it again! I already told you that I was planning this fic, didn't I? Please don't kill me with those machetes! If you do, I won't be able to update will I? And you say that I'm obsessed with Typhoid Mary!  
  
Ghost in the Machine- Glad you liked it! Hope you enjoy the chapter!  
  
Quote of the day- 'Silicon... mountains and mountains of silicon... the horror... the horror...'- Spider-Man (Amazing Spider-Man Vol 2 #42)  
  
Selene's motel room: The Bronx-  
  
Selene walks out from her motel room's small bathroom with a towel around her waist and another one wrapped around her head. She sits down by the vanity and starts to comb her hair.  
  
'How dare that upstart Augusts strip me of my powers like that!' She fumes. 'Eject me from the Hellfire Club and take all of my money! Now I'm homeless and all I can afford is a dingy little motel room like this!'  
  
Selene puts the comb down on the vanity and looks at her reflection in the mirror.  
  
'At least I've got my looks.' She sighs.  
  
Selene gets up from the vanity and walks over to her closet. She opens the closet door and looks over her meagre clothes. All she has are several sets of black leather bustiers and high-heeled boots.  
  
'At least she didn't take away my magic skills.' Selene says, motioning with her hands. Then a sheer dark purple dress takes place of the towel around her body. Selene walks back to the vanity and looks at her reflection once more.  
  
'Yes, this will do nicely.' She says. 'Now it's time to go and see Ben!'  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
Johnny Storm is lounging on the couch watching a Friday the 13th marathon on TV. He's clutching a cushion to his chest in fear. Just as Jason is about to kill another random teenager, Johnny squeaks in fear and hides behind the cushion.  
  
Unseen by the Human Torch, a figure walks through the door and just stands there silently. Johnny peers around cautiously. The figure is dressed in rags and a hockey mask and he's carrying a deadly looking machete.  
  
Johnny lets out a girlish shriek as he jumps from the sofa.  
  
'Eeee! It's Jason Voorhees! FLAME ON!!'  
  
Before Johnny can throw a single fireball at 'Jason' the masked killer presses his belt buckle and changes into the familiar form of Ben Grimm.  
  
'You shoulda seen your face, Matchstick Head!' Ben grins. 'It was priceless!'  
  
Johnny just glares at his orange brick-skinned pal and readies up a fireball. Ben backs away cautiously.  
  
'Now don't you do nuthin' hasty Johnny! I'm just about to go on date with Helena so I have ter look my best!'  
  
Johnny reluctantly changes back to normal and walks off muttering to himself and plotting revenge.  
  
Ben walks up to a mirror on the wall and straightens his bow tie. He grins happily and checks his teeth. He turns around just as Sue walks in. The Invisible Woman looks him over and gives him the thumbs up!  
  
'I see you're ready to go out on your date Ben.' Sue says.  
  
'Certainly am Suzie!' Ben replies. 'I reserved a table at that fruity French place you an' Reed always like!'  
  
Sue walks up to Ben and brushes off some imaginary crumbs.  
  
'Now you be a good boy Ben and don't do anything I wouldn't do!'  
  
Ben just shakes his head at Sue's teasing and smiles good-naturedly.  
  
'Tell Stretcho I'm takin' the FantastiCar out for a spin, 'kay Suzie?'  
  
'And be back by eleven!' Sue calls after him.  
  
Back at 'Helena's' motel-  
  
Ben parks outside the motel and knocks on Helena's door. There is the sound of several locks being unlocked and the doors opens revealing 'Helena' dressed in her slinky purple dress. Ben's breath is momentarily takes away at the sight of her.  
  
'Y-you look wonderful!' Ben stammers.  
  
'You don't look so bad yourself Ben!' Helena grins. She then turns back and locks the door behind her. Ben offers her is arm and she takes it.  
  
'So where are we going tonight?' She asks.  
  
'I dunno what it's called.' Ben replies. 'But it's a fruity French place that Reed an' Sue also go to.'  
  
'Not you kind of place then?' Helena asks.  
  
'Nah, not really.' Ben replies. 'I'm more content with a corndog and a beer, brick-skinned peasant that I am!'  
  
'Aw, don't be so hard on yourself Ben!' Helena says, patting him on the arm in comfort. 'I'm not judging you any less!'  
  
With that, they get into the FantastiCar and Helena looks around in amazement.  
  
'So this is the world famous FantastiCar, wow!'  
  
'It ain't so bad.' Ben replies. 'It gets us from A ter B!'  
  
Several minutes later-  
  
Ben lands the FantastiCar outside the restaurant, receiving several amazed stares from the valets and random passers by. After they get out, Ben presses the key fob and the FantastiCar shrinks down to a miniature size. Ben picks it up and pops it in his pocket.  
  
'I didn't know that the FantastiCar could do that.' Helena says.  
  
'That's just a new scientific dealie-ma-bob that Stretcho cooked up to save on valet fees.'  
  
With that, they walk into the restaurant. They walk up to the Maitre D' and he shows them to their table. Several waiters then approach, bringing them menus and the wine list.  
  
'D'yer want any wine with yer meal Helena?' Ben asks.  
  
'I'll just have the house red.' Helena replies.  
  
'Yeah, we'll have a bottle of yer house red.' Ben tells the waiter.  
  
'Anythin' yer fancy?' Ben asks.  
  
'I don't really know.' Helena replies. 'French food isn't really my thing, I'm more of an Italian person myself.'  
  
'I see what yer mean.' Ben adds. 'I like Italian too.'  
  
The waiter then returns with their wine and pours a drop into their glasses. They both take a sip and Helena nods in approval.  
  
'That'll do.' Ben says.  
  
They then go on to order their meal.  
  
After the meal-  
  
Ben and Helena have just finished their meal and are having a walk before going home.  
  
'That was a wonderful evening.' Helena says. 'What do you think Ben?'  
  
'It wuz alright I suppose.' Ben sniffs. 'There weren't much to eat though.'  
  
'Of course there wasn't much to eat.' Helena replies. 'All French food is like that, that's why I like Italian food. At least then you get a decent meal inside of you!'  
  
'I'm still hungry.' Ben says. 'You wanna get a pizza?'  
  
'I'd love to!' Helena grins. 'No anchovies because I'm allergic!'  
  
'I wuz gonna get barbeque chicken, if that's alright with yer.' Ben adds.  
  
'Mmm!' Helena grins. 'My favourite!'  
  
After the pizza-  
  
Ben and Helena are now sitting on a park bench eating the pizza.  
  
'Now offence or nuthin'.' Ben says. 'But I can't help to notice that yer live in a motel. I always thought that yer were pretty well off, by all the fancy clothes that you wear.'  
  
'To be honest with you Ben.' Helena replies. 'Recently I've been having money troubles. So much in fact that the bank owns almost all of my money. And on top of it all, I was thrown out of my apartment.'  
  
'I can see were yer comin' from.' Ben says. 'We had a few money troubles a while back. We got thrown out of the Baxter Building and Reed had to auction off all of his inventions. But we soon got it all back. Say, do you know a lawyer by the name of Matt Murdock?'  
  
'Who hasn't?' Helena replies. 'He was embroiled in all that business a year or two ago. Wasn't he 'alleged' to be Daredevil?'  
  
'That's the guy.' Ben says. 'If yer want I could pass him yer number.'  
  
'You'd do all that for me?' Helena asks. 'That is so sweet!' She then shows her gratitude by giving Ben a big hug.  
  
After the hug to two break apart and look into each other's eyes. Ben looks into Helena's emerald green eyes, while she looks deep into Ben's ever- lovin' blue eyes. Ben leans down and cups Helena's chin in one of his colossal hands. He leans in closer and kisses her. Helena puts her arms around his waist and deepens the kiss.  
  
After their kiss they break it up. Helena swoons slightly.  
  
'Wow, that was... wow!'  
  
Ben just looks aghast.  
  
'What's the matter Ben?' Helena asks, worriedly.  
  
'You!' Ben says, getting up and pointing at her accusingly.  
  
Helena still doesn't know what's going on. She searches through her bag and picks out her vanity case. She pops it open and looks at herself in the mirror. Much to her shock she has turned back into Selene and is now clad in her usual leather bodice and high-heeled boots.  
  
'That witch!' Selene hisses. She looks up as she hears something being ripped out of the ground. She looks around and sees an irate Ben with a lamppost in his arms.  
  
'You're that Selene chick ain'cha?' Ben yells. 'What do yer want this time ya witch?'  
  
Selene gets up from the bench and tries to calm Ben down.  
  
'Now Ben, I don't want to fight you, just let me explain.'  
  
Ben just ignores her pleas and swings the lamppost around like a giant iron baseball bat. Selene narrowly dodges out of the way and lands on her butt in the bushes. She gets up just to see the lamppost whiz over her head.  
  
'Ben please!' She begs. 'Let me explain! I don't want to hurt you!'  
  
'That's what they all say!' Ben replies. 'But now... IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!'  
  
Ben is just about to clobber her when his fists are surrounded by an invisible force field.  
  
'Ben, let her go!' It's the Invisible Woman and the rest of the Fantastic 4! 'Reed intercepted a call over the police band about a disturbance in the park and we came running!'  
  
Selene stands up and brushes herself down.  
  
'I suppose that I owe you an explanation.'  
  
'You bet you do lady!' The Human Torch says. 'And it'd better be a good one! You got me up from watching a Friday the 13th marathon!'  
  
'Johnny!' reed admonishes. 'Let the woman speak. Even if she is the Black Queen of the Hellfire Club, we still have to hear her side of the story! Now why don't you start from the beginning Selene.'  
  
'Can we please go somewhere more quiet?' Selene asks. 'It's humiliating enough as it is, being in the state that I am, without it being broadcast all over the news.'  
  
'Very well.' Reed replies. 'We'll take you back to the Baxter Building. But we're going to keep you under observation to make sure that you don't try anything.'  
  
Back at the Baxter Building-  
  
Selene is now strapped to a random diagnostic machine in Reed's lab. Johnny and Sue are standing watch. Reed looks at the computer screen and strokes his chin in thought.  
  
'How did you say your powers were stripped from you?'  
  
'A woman called Augusta trapped me in a magical force field and stripped me of my mutant powers and my immortality.'  
  
'If this August chick took away your immortality, why aren't you dead?' Johnny asks.  
  
'It seemed that Augusta thought that killing me outright would be too easy for me, so she made me mortal instead.'  
  
'And what were your mutant powers?' Sue asks.  
  
'I could psionically absorb the life force of others to keep my strength and beauty.' Selene replies. 'I could also control and manipulate fire, amongst other things.'  
  
Reed releases Selene from the machine.  
  
'I'm sorry to say this Selene.' Reed says. 'But I can't find any possible way to bring back your powers, you're stuck as a mortal.'  
  
'I see.' Selene sighs. 'I should have guessed as much. Thankyou anyway Doctor Richards. I won't use up any more of your valuable time.'  
  
She then turns to leave the room.  
  
Sue notices her pitiful posture and takes pity on her.  
  
'Selene, instead of going back to that dingy motel, you could stay here with us if you want.'  
  
Selene turns around and looks at Sue.  
  
'You'd do that for me? But aren't you worried that I'd try to do something evil?'  
  
'My point exactly!' Johnny adds.  
  
'Excuse me a moment Selene.' Sue says. 'I just need to talk with Reed and Johnny for a moment.'  
  
'Okay, I'll just wait outside.'  
  
After Selene leaves the lab. The three begin talking.  
  
'I must agree with Johnny.' Reed says. 'I'm not entirely sure that Selene's motives are pure.'  
  
'Reed, Johnny look, the poor woman's been stripped of her powers and her wealth, surely we can help her out!'  
  
Reed sighs resignedly.  
  
'Okay Susan, have it your way. But if she hurts Franklin or Val, she doesn't stay.'  
  
'I'll go tell her.' Sue says.  
  
After the good news-  
  
Selene is walking through the Baxter Building to get her bearings. Reed and Johnny have left to bring what is left of her personal belongings, leaving her alone with sue, the children and Ben.  
  
Selene stops outside the gym as she hears someone pressing weight. She guesses from the sound of stone clinking against metal that it's Ben working out his stress. She cautiously peers through the door.  
  
'Ben?' She asks. 'Can I talk to you for a moment?'  
  
'I ain't got nuthin' ter say ter yer!' Ben replies.  
  
'I just want to apologise for misleading you like I did.' Selene sighs.  
  
Ben stops pressing the weights and sits up.  
  
'Apologisin' is all well an' good but it don't take away the fact that yer lied ter me!'  
  
Selene walks over to Ben and sits down beside him.  
  
'I didn't go to that bar to engage in one of my evil plans, I just wanted to drown my sorrows over my money troubles.'  
  
Ben snorts in derision and crosses his arms.  
  
'What about me? Wuz that part of your plan?'  
  
'Not really.' Selene replies. 'I went in to find someone to make me forget.'  
  
'Is that whut I am? A way ter ferget yer pain?'  
  
'Ben, no! When I'm with you I feel something... special, something... beautiful! If I was a sentimental type, I'd say that I've fallen in love with you!'  
  
That sudden revelation knocks Ben through a hoop and he sits there in amazement.  
  
'Yer love me?'  
  
'I-I'm sorry.' Selene says, getting up and walking away. 'I've said to much!'  
  
Before she can get too far, Selene finds her hand being restrained. She turns around and sees Ben standing behind her. He bends down and cups her chin in his hand. Selene's heart begins to beat faster as he leans in to kiss her. Her senses explode as she feels his rocky lips upon hers. Upon breaking the kiss, Selene gasps slightly.  
  
'Does that mean that I'm forgiven?' She asks.  
  
'Yeah.' Ben replies. 'Yer forgiven!'  
  
He then puts his arm around her waist and walks out of the gym.  
  
'If there's anythin' that I know can cure depression, it's my Aunt Petunia's family rib recipe!'  
  
'Ribs?' Selene asks. 'It's one in the morning!'  
  
'There's always time fer ribs, darlin'!' Ben grins.  
  
END...  
  
NEXT: Selene gets a job and has to baby-sit Franklin and Valeria! What does a no longer immortal ex-sorceress know about baby-sitting and a day job? Nothing, that's what! SPECIAL GUEST STAR- Emma Frost! 


	3. Selene Gets a Job

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 3: Selene Gets a Job  
  
By  
The Ever-Lovin' Brown-Eyed R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. The Fantastic 4, Selene and Emma Frost all belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout outs-  
  
Ghost in the Machine- I suppose that Selene is a bit OOC. I'm afraid that I don't know much about her personality; I haven't read many comics that featured her (about three issues of X-Force and Fantastic Four Annual '99.)  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- I hope you liked Emma's' cameo! {Kiss!}   
  
L1071E- Sorry, no plans for Kid Razor. I'm trying to keep this as OC free as I can.  
  
Agent-G- Yes, I did get that onion flower thing from Spike. This takes place in a separate Universe than 'Uncanny New Mutants.' Mostly because August is evil in this one, while she was good in 'Uncanny.' The FF are still having money troubles in the comics. Enjoy Frosty and Selene! And yes, pasta is much better than French food!  
  
Quote of the day- 'If I'm not back in five minutes... Just wait longer!'- Ace Ventura (Ace Ventura, Pet Detective)  
  
The Baxter Building, morning-  
  
Selene shuffles out of her bedroom sleepily. She is clad in an over- seized T-Shirt that she borrowed from Sue, seeing that most of her nighttime attire isn't suitable to wear around a family with young children, like the Richards. The former Black Queen yawns and shuffles into the kitchen. Sue is there feeding baby Val.  
  
'Morning Selene.' Sue says. 'Sleep well?'  
  
'Too well!' Selene answers. 'I haven't slept that well in two thousand years!'  
  
'Glad to hear it.' Sue replies. 'Reed especially invented those mattresses for a perfect night's sleep. He said something about perfectly casting itself against the sleeper's weight, and unstable molecules. I switched off after the tenth equation!'  
  
'Reed certainly knows his stuff!'  
  
'Oh yeah!' Sue replies. 'That's one of the things that first attracted me to Reed! Well, that and I find big brains sooo sexy!'  
  
'Jeez sis!' Johnny says from the doorway. 'It's a bit early for that kinda stuff don't ya think?'  
  
'Don't mind Johnny, Selene.' Sue says, ignoring her brother's teasing. 'He's just jealous that he hasn't had a date in a month!'  
  
Johnny mutters something under his breath and grabs a Pop Tart out of the box on the counter.  
  
'Hey!' Sue yells. 'I had last dibs!'  
  
'You snooze, you loose sis!' Johnny grins, popping it in the toaster.  
  
After breakfast-  
  
Selene is now fully dressed and is helping Sue clean up the breakfast things.  
  
'Sue?'  
  
'Yes Selene?'  
  
'Can I ask you a favour?'  
  
'If it's got anything to do with a blood sacrifice, no!' Sue replies.  
  
'It's nothing like that!' Selene adds. 'I was just thinking, I don't want to be a freeloader so, I was wondering if I could have a job. Maybe something in accounts. Being around over several millennia teaches you how to be good with numbers!'  
  
Sue looks at Selene sceptically.  
  
'You want a job?' She asks, not believing her ears. The she bursts out laughing. 'Aheheheh! You want a job! Mwahahahaha!'  
  
'What's all the laughter about Suzie?' Ben asks from the doorway.  
  
'Mmheheh... Selene wants a, snort, job! Ahahaha!' Sue replies, holding her sides in laughter.  
  
'I think she's serious Suzie!' Ben adds.  
  
'Oh!' Sue says. 'I'm sorry if I hurt your feeling, it's just that I didn't expect you to say that. I'm afraid that we haven't got any vacancies in our accounting department, but I do have one job available elsewhere!'  
  
Later-  
  
'I'm not coming out!' Selene says from behind a screen. 'I feel like an idiot!'  
  
'Oh come now Selene!' Sue replies. 'You don't look that bad!'  
  
'Oh really?' Selene asks, walking out from behind the screen. She's dressed in a bright blue shirt with a '4' emblem, bright blue pants and a bright blue baseball cap with a '4' emblem. She has her hair tied back into a ponytail.  
  
'You don't look tool bad!' Sue says. 'Blue suits you!'  
  
'Really?' Selene asks, admiring her reflection.  
  
'Oh yes!' Sue replies. 'Now let's go, the gift shop'll be open soon!'  
  
As soon as they step out of the door, who is the first person they meet? Johnny! The Human Torch bursts out laughing at the sight of the former Black Queen dressed up as a cashier attendant in the Baxter Building gift shop!  
  
'Bwahahahaha! Selene you look, snort, great! Ahahahahaha!'  
  
Sue quickly ushers Selene down the corridor before she can do anything that Johnny regrets!  
  
Later still-  
  
Selene is now stood behind the cashier desk in the Baxter Building gift shop. It's been several hours now since Sue gave her an introduction and the job is starting to wear thin.  
  
'Well, well, well. How the mighty have fallen!' A greatly amused voice says from behind her.  
  
Selene slowly turns around, dreading facing the familiar voice. Sure enough, it's Emma Frost!  
  
'Hello Emma.' Selene says through gritted teeth. 'How may I be of service?'  
  
'You can start by telling me why you are working at the Baxter Building gift shop! Are you under cover for some demonic take over of the Fantastic 4? Or are you planning on sacrificing some cheaply made plush Human Torches?'  
  
Selene breathes deeply to calm herself.  
  
'If you must know Emma.' She says. 'I am currently employed by Ms Richards as the Baxter Building's Gift Shop's chief cashier attendant! Now, shall I cash those for you or are you going to stand there insulting me?'  
  
'I would stand here and insult you some more.' Emma replies. 'But Sophie was quite vocal about me buying her the new Human Torch T-Shirt!'  
  
Selene takes the T-Shirt from Emma and scans the barcode. Emma pays for the T-Shirt and then leaves.  
  
'Oh I cannot wait to tell Logan and the others that you are working here!' Emma grins!'  
  
'Thankyou, please come again!' Selene replies, once again through gritted teeth. 'Bitch!' She mutters after Emma has left.  
  
Later still-  
  
Selene's workday is now over. She takes off her hat and throws it across the room as she slumps down onto her bed. She stares up at her wall and covers her face with her hands, screaming several choice Latin phrases. She looks up as someone knocks on her door.  
  
'Selene, it's Ben. Are you alright? I heard cussin' and wondered whether yer wanted ter talk!'  
  
'Come in Ben!' Selene sighs.  
  
The door to Selene's room slowly opens as the Ever-Loving Blue-Eyed Thing slowly steps into her room. He closes the door behind him and sits on the edge of her bed. Selene slides down towards Ben as his weight tips the bed.  
  
'I'll stand up.' Ben says. 'So, why all the bad language? It's not like you ter cuss like that!'  
  
'Emma Frost saw me at work this morning.' Selene replies. 'The fact that I'm broke and working in the gift shop is most probably all over the institute now!'  
  
Ben puts his arm around her shoulders and hugs her close.  
  
'That shouldn't matter to yer anyway, along as we've got each other, right?'  
  
'I suppose.' Selene sighs, hugging him back.  
  
'Aw cripes! Ben says as he sees the time. 'I'd better go, Logan's holdin' his bi-monthly poker game tonight! I would invite yer but....'  
  
'The X-Men and I don't exactly get along, I know.' Selene sighs. 'Have a good time anyway!'  
  
Later still-  
  
Selene is pottering around the kitchen looking for something to eat. She looks up as she sees Sue carry baby Val into the room, dressed up for a night on the town.  
  
'Selene, could you do Reed and I a huge favour?' Sue asks.  
  
'Uh...'  
  
'Could you please loom, after Val for us?' Sue asks. 'It's our anniversary and Reed's taking me out for dinner. We would ask Crystal but she's unavailable and Johnny's got a team up with Spider-Man. So as you can see we're desperate.'  
  
Selene is lost for words.  
  
'Thanks a bunch!' Sue says, putting Val into her hands. 'See you later!'  
  
Selene is left standing in the middle of the kitchen with a baby in her hands watching Sue walk out the door. She looks down at Val.  
  
'So, you're a baby?' She asks.  
  
'Goo.' Val replies.  
  
'This is going to be a looong night!'  
  
END... 


	4. The Selene and Val Show

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 4: The Selene and Val Show  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. Selene, the Fantastic 4, Wolverine, Nick Fury, Captain America and She-Hulk all belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Agent-G- Emma does have that affect on women doesn't she? Well, Jean anyway! You can bet that I'm gonna show Logan's reaction to the fact that Ben and Selene are dating! How can I not? It's gonna be priceless!  
  
Quote of the day- 'No beer or TV makes Homer something, something...'- Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
Selene is still standing in the middle of the kitchen with the Richards' baby daughter, Val, in her arms.  
  
'So, what do you want to do now?' Selene asks.  
  
All Val does in response is blow a snot bubble.  
  
'Now that's disgusting!' Selene winces, grabbing a tissue and wiping Val's' nose.  
  
'Blll...' Val gurgles.  
  
'I don't know what your mother was thinking when she left you in my care.' Selene says. 'I haven't looked after a baby in almost fifteen hundred years!'  
  
'Waffglhbuh...' Val gurgles again.  
  
Selene just shakes her head in shame.  
  
'Here I am, a formerly immortal sorceress and I'm talking to a baby!'  
  
Selene creases her nose, as she smells something.  
  
'And now I have to change a diaper! Great!'  
  
Xavier Institute-  
  
Ben Grimm, aka the Ever-Loving Blue-Eyed Thing, is presently sat at a fold-up card table playing poker. Sitting next to him is the X-Man known as Wolverine. Next to him is Nick Fury, head of SHIELD. Wearing the dealer's cap, unaware of how stupid he looks, is Captain America. The last player at the table is the jade giantess, She-Hulk!  
  
'C'mon Cap!' She-Hulk groans. 'Are we gonna play or are ya gonna take forever dealing those cards?'  
  
'Patience Jen.' Cap replies. 'Dealing poker is a precise procedure.'  
  
'Take ye time cap.' Fury sighs. 'I've got a meeting on Friday!'  
  
'My Aunt petunia can deal faster than that!' Ben adds.  
  
Cap finally deals the cards and the players look at their cards.  
  
Logan taps his cigar on the ashtray, knocking off the excess ash.  
  
'So Ben, I hear yer got a new girl.'  
  
'Whut of it?' Ben asks, casting a cautious glance over his cards.  
  
'Ain't yer gonna tell us who it is?' Logan asks with a cocky grin.  
  
'You damn well know who it is.' Ben growls.  
  
'No I don't.' Logan replies.  
  
'Yer mean that Frosty didn't tell yer?' Ben asks.  
  
'Nope.' Logan replies.  
  
'C'mon Ben!' She-Hulk pipes up. 'Tell us, who's ya new flame?'  
  
'It ain't none of yer business!' Ben sighs.  
  
'I must say that I'm curious, Ben.' Cap says. 'Why don't you tell us? It's not like you've got anything to lose. We're all friends here!'  
  
'Just spill it Grimm.' Fury adds.  
  
'It's Selene.' Ben sighs.  
  
'Sorry Ben, we can't here you.' She-Hulk grins.  
  
'I'm going out with Selene, ya happy?'  
  
The sound from the card table is deafening. From the sound of Logan spitting out his cigar in surprise and She-Hulk trying to restrain her howls of laughter to Nick Fury spitting out his beer and Cap's sharp intake of breath.  
  
'What were yer thinkin' of Ben?' Logan asks. 'She's a flamin' sorceress! She'll have yer soul fer breakfast!'  
  
'I've got to agree with Logan.' Cap adds. 'I don't know Selene as well as the X-Men but I've heard that she's a toughie!'  
  
'Well you guys don't know the real Selene.' Ben replies. 'She's a nice person an' I like her! Now, are we gonna play or are yer gonna keep on bitching about my love life?'  
  
A mumble of assent travels around the table.  
  
'Anyway.' Ben continues. 'What was this I heard about Frosty and Summers?'  
  
Back at the Baxter Building-  
  
Selene has just finished changing Val's diaper. The former sorceress is pretty much covered with baby powder.  
  
'Who knew that changing a baby could be this difficult?' Selene asks, attempting to dust herself off.  
  
Val yawns in reply.  
  
'Nice.' Selene sighs. 'I'm glad to see that you're having fun! Time to get you to bed I suppose.'  
  
Selene carries Val over to her bedroom and places her in her crib. Val looks up at Selene as if she's expecting something.  
  
'What?' Selene gasps. 'Are you waiting for something?'  
  
'Guzzahwazzah!' Val replies.  
  
'A lullaby?'  
  
'Hrblgblmm...'  
  
Selene starts to sing a lullaby in Latin.  
  
Soon enough, Val is fast asleep.  
  
Selene holds a hand up to her mouth and stifles a yawn.  
  
'Now I'm tired.' She yawns. 'Time for bed.'  
  
As soon as Selene steps one foot out of the bedroom, Val wakes up and starts to cry.  
  
'Oh spit!'  
  
Somewhere in Manhattan-  
  
A gang of random thugs are dangling from a signpost having been stuck up there by strands of webbing. The Human Torch and Spider-Man step back and admire their work.  
  
'Nice job if I do say so myself, Torchie!' Spidey says. 'Whattaya say buddy, wanna take another sweep?'  
  
'I think that I'm gonna call it a night today Spidey.' Johnny replies. 'I'd better get back, Ben's new girlfriend's looking after Val.'  
  
'Who is this new chick anyway?' Spidey asks.  
  
'You wouldn't believe me if I told ya buddy.'  
  
'I've heard stranger things.'  
  
'Okay.' Johnny replies. 'Brace yourself, it's Selene!'  
  
'Hellfire Club Selene?'  
  
'Yup!'  
  
Spidey bursts out laughing at the thought.  
  
'BWAHAHAHAHAA! Pull the other one man! That was too {snort} funny!'  
  
'I'm serious.' Johnny deadpans. 'Ben's dating the Black Queen.'  
  
Spidey wipes a tear from his eye.  
  
'Hoo-boy! Stranger things have happened I suppose.' He sighs.  
  
'Meaning?'  
  
'Just look who one of your exes was, the Sub-Mariner's cousin!'  
  
'Okay, you can stop now.' Johnny sighs.  
  
'And then there was that chick that you married, she turned out to be a Skrull in disguise!'  
  
'Please stop!'  
  
'Ooh! I've got another one! Thanos's granddaughter! What was her name?'  
  
'Nebula.' Johnny sighs.  
  
'Jeez man, your taste in women sucks!'  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
Selene is crouched besides Val's crib. Val is still crying. Selene is trying to entertain her with a dancing teddy bear.  
  
'C'mon Val.' Selene begs. 'Please sleep. Look at the funny dancing teddy!'  
  
Val still cries.  
  
Selene makes the bear dance some more.  
  
'Look at me Val! I'm the wacky dancing Teddy! Dance, dance, dance, dance... dan...'  
  
Selene finally succumbs to sleep and slumps onto the floor.  
  
Val stops crying enough to peer at the unconscious former sorceress. She gurlgles happily.  
  
Later-  
  
Sue and Reed walk in from their dinner date.  
  
'I'm just going to check up on Val, okay?' Sue asks.  
  
'I'll brew some coffee.' Reed replies.  
  
Sue walks over to Val's room and smiles at the sight that greets her.  
  
'Reed, come and see this!'  
  
Reed's neck stretches around the corner as he peers into the room. Val is tucked into bed fast asleep while Selene is sprawled on the floor snoring away like an adorable sorceress-shaped baby.  
  
'How adorable!' He grins.  
  
'It looks like someone's all tuckered out!' Sue says.  
  
'Who are you referring to?' Reed asks. 'Val or Selene?'  
  
END...  
  
NEXT: What happens when a formerly immortal sorceress catches a cold? Tune in next time to find out! 


	5. Snot and Hades

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 5: Snot and Hades  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own Selene of the Fantastic 4, they all belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Ghost in the Machine- What else is Selene out of practice from after 1500 years? Being ill and flying? You don't really need to fly anywhere when you can teleport.  
  
Agent-G- The Skrull that Johnny married was disguised as Alicia Masters. I'm not exactly sure what happened to the Skrull afterwards, I think she died. I understand what you mean about the ending but in the video game, it wasn't Thor with Spidey and the others, it was Daredevil.  
  
Quote of the day- 'I could never live in a rat-infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.'- Angelus (Angel: Darla)  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
It is breakfast time at the home of the Fantastic 4 and for once Reed Richards has actually chose to join his family for breakfast instead of pottering around in his lab like he usually does. He sits at the table feeding Baby Val while his free hand stretches over to the stove and turns the eggs that are frying in the pan. Johnny Storm walks in and chooses to ignore the variety of healthy breakfast items on offer and grabs a Pop Tart from the carton.  
  
Sue Richards looks up from the coffee maker and frowns at her brother's apparent lack of taste.  
  
'Those things'll rot your teeth y'know.' She says.  
  
'No talk.' Johnny grunts. 'Need sugar.'  
  
'That's just whut we need!' Ben snorts from the table. 'Bic Head on a sugar high!'  
  
'And what are you eating Ben?' Sue asks. 'Sugar Frosted Chocolate Sugar Bombs?'  
  
'No...' Ben lies.  
  
Then Selene walks in from her room. Ben looks up from his breakfast and walks over to her for a hug. He stops mid-step as he sees the state that Selene is in. She has bags under her bloodshot eyes and a permanent runny nose.  
  
'You don't look so good Selene.' He winces.  
  
'I'b fine Ben'd.' Selene sniffs.  
  
'Reed, maybe yer'd better come lookit this!' Ben says.  
  
Reed stretches his neck over from the kitchen table and takes one look at Selene.  
  
'From the appearance of Selene's bloodshot eyes and the excessive mucus dripping from her nose I'd hypothesize that she has a cold!'  
  
'Dad's rubbish!' Selene snorts. 'I'be nebber been sick in dwo thousand years'd.'  
  
Then Selene lets out a very loud sneeze.  
  
'ACHOO!'  
  
Johnny lets out a girlish shriek as the toaster bursts into flames.  
  
'Noooo!' he moans. 'Not my Pop Tarts! Anything but them!' He then falls to his knees and looks up to the sky. 'Why God, why? Take me, I'm young!'  
  
'Somebody's got a serious sugar dependency.' Sue smirks.  
  
Reed's Lab-  
  
Selene is now strapped to a random doohickey in Reed's lab as he takes a few tests.  
  
'Is dis a common occurrence Ben'd?' Selene asks. 'Takin'd dests when you're sick?'  
  
'You should be here when it's hay-fever season!' Ben smirks.  
  
'Bud you're in de city Ben'd.' Selene sniffs.  
  
'That never stops Stretcho from runnin' a whole loada tests when someone gets so much as a tiny sniffle!' Ben replies.  
  
Reed takes one final look at his view screen.  
  
'Aha! It's just as I hypothesised! After several millennia of being immortal, Selene's immune system has become weakened!'  
  
'That's nice an' all Big Brain.' Ben says. 'But how do yer cure it?'  
  
'The same way you would a normal cold, Ben.' Reed replies. 'Lots of bed rest and fluids.'  
  
'I suppose that we'd better get yer back ter bed.' Ben sighs, releasing Selene from the machine.  
  
'I told you Ben'd.' Selene sniffs. 'I'b nod sick!'  
  
Then Selene lets out another huge sneeze. And once again, Johnny's screams of pain can be heard.  
  
'Not the DVD player! Why do you mock me O' Lord?'  
  
'That guy really need's ter get himself a girlfriend.' Ben sighs.  
  
Selene's room-  
  
Selene is now tucked up nice and snug while Ben tends to her.  
  
'Have yer got yer hot water bottle?' Ben asks.  
  
'Yes Ben'd.' Selene sighs.  
  
'Have yer got yer blankie?'  
  
'I habbn'd god a blankie.' Selene replies.  
  
'Howcum I saw a blue blankie in the laundry pile yesterday?' Ben asks.  
  
'My blankie's red.' Selene replies, holding up a tattered old blanket.  
  
'That musta been Johnny's.' Ben says. 'Oh well.'  
  
Ben holds up a tissue just as Selene lets rip with another sneeze. Once again, Johnny's voice can be heard from further down the hall.  
  
'Blankie, NOOOOO!!'  
  
Ben turns back to Selene and tucks in a teddy bear next to her.  
  
'Here, have Mister Snuggles.'  
  
'I didn'd know dat you had a teddy bear Ben'd.' Selene says.  
  
'He ain't mine.' Ben replies, his eyes darting around nervously. 'He's... Val's. Yeah, he's Val's teddy bear!'  
  
'Dis was really nice of you Ben'd.' Selene sniffs. 'Lookin'd after me and all.'  
  
'It wuz my pleasure.' Ben replies. 'Now, if yer need anything, just holler, 'kay?'  
  
'I'd like a kiss.' Selene says hopefully.  
  
'I dunno 'bout that.' Ben replies. 'Yer not really in the right state ter kiss anyone.'  
  
'Be that way then.' Selene sighs. 'I might be dying here and you don'd wand to give me a kiss. And I though'd you loved me...' Selene crosses her arms and pouts immaturely. Ben rolls his eyes and plants a quick peck on her lips.  
  
'There, that alright for yer?'  
  
'I suppose id'll have to do Ben'd.' Selene sighs.  
  
The next day-  
  
It is another breakfast at the home of the Fantastic 4. Reed is once again feeding Val and frying the eggs. Sue is boiling the coffee while Ben guzzles down some artificially flavoured artificial corn products. They all look up as Selene walks in.  
  
'How are you this morning, Selene?' reed asks. 'Is your cold gone?'  
  
'Yes thankyou Reed.' Selene replies. 'My nose is now snot free and I can pronounce people's names without adding a 'd' onto it.'  
  
'Wanna have some Sugar frosted Chocolate Sugar Bombs?' Ben asks.  
  
'No thankyou Ben.' Selene replies, walking over and kissing him on the cheek. 'I'm fine with coffee and one of those delectable looking eggs that reed is cooking.'  
  
'We brought them on our last visit to the negative Zone.' Reed adds.  
  
'Hmm, nummy!' Sue replies somewhat sarcastically. 'There's nothing better than farm-fresh Negative Zone eggs!'  
  
Then Johnny chooses this moment to make his entrance. Sue takes one look at him and winces in sympathy.  
  
'Johnny, maybe you'd better go back to bed.'  
  
'I'b fine Sue'd.' Johnny replies. 'I'be nebber feld bedder!'  
  
Then Johnny lets rip with an almighty sneeze. Unfortunately, his powers turn on and he sets fire to the carpet.  
  
'JOHNNY!!'  
  
END...  
  
NEXT: Selene's first mission with the Fantastic 4. Co-starring Galactus! 


	6. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 6: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the Fantastic 4, Selene, Galactus or any other familiar characters. They all belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Ghost in the Machine- I couldn't make Selene totally powerless could I? Where's the fun in that? Plus, I let her keep the best power, being able to set fire to stuff!  
  
Agent-G- Don't worry, Galactus isn't here to cause trouble. As you can probably guess I have chosen to pick on Johnny in this fic. I don't have anything personal against him, I just had to have someone to pick on and it happened to be him.  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
It is an unusually quiet morning at the home of the Fantastic 4. Reed Richards is pottering around in his lab as usual. Susan Richards is in her office sorting through the accounts. Johnny Storm is slouched in front of the TV with Franklin Richards, Reed and Sue's son. Ben Grimm meanwhile, is holding baby Val in his arms while he tries to look for Selene.  
  
'I wonder where Selene's gone ter.' Ben says to Val. The baby just gurgles in response.  
  
Ben rounds the corner and peers into a stark, empty room. Inside he sees Selene sitting cross-legged.  
  
'I guess she's meditatin' Ben says. 'Ever since she found out that she's still got her flame powers, she's been tryin' ter master 'em again. Yer daddy's tried runnin' tests on her but came up with nuthin.' She still can't use her magic or any other powers.'  
  
'Hello Ben.' Selene says, still facing away from him. 'How can I help you?'  
  
'I'm sorry if I disturbed yer darlin.' Ben says. 'I just wanted ter see whut yer were up ter.'  
  
'You can come an join me if you want.' Selene says, getting up with a groan. 'Ow, my back! That's the trouble with endless meditation.' She sighs. 'I keep on getting cramp!'  
  
'I could always giver a massage!' Ben replies.  
  
Selene just smiles and pecks Ben on the cheek.  
  
'You're sweet to say so Ben.' She replies. 'Do you want me to hold Val for a while?'  
  
'Knock yerself out.' Ben replies, handing Val over to Selene. She takes Val in her hands and much to Ben's surprise; she starts to babble to her in baby talk.  
  
'Who's a cute widdle baby den? Val is! Val's a cute widdle baby!'  
  
Ben tries to hide his amusement at the sight of the former Black Queen babbling in baby talk but fails miserably.  
  
Selene is about to make a witty comeback when the silence is broken by an alarm going off in Reed's lab.  
  
'Sound's like trouble in Stretcho's lab!' Ben says. 'We'd better go see whut's up!'  
  
Ben runs in the direction of Reed's lab with Selene following close behind, holding onto Val tightly as to not drop her.  
  
Reed's lab-  
  
Ben and Selene arrive in Reed's lab to see the others gathered around a monitor worriedly.  
  
'Why the long face Stretcho?' Ben asks. 'Don't tell me Galactus is back!'  
  
'He is.' Reed replies. 'That was the Galactus alarm that went off.'  
  
'We've got a Galactus alarm?' Johnny asks. 'No offence Reed but that is one the most stupid names for an invention that I've ever heard!'  
  
'So whut's ol' purple britches up ter this time?' Ben asks.  
  
'From what I can tell so far.' Reed replies. 'I don't know.'  
  
'Reed.' Sue says. 'Please say that you know something, it scares us when you say that you don't know!'  
  
'Should I really be here?' Selene asks. 'I can see that this is personal for you four. Do you want me to leave?'  
  
'Not in the least Selene.' Reed replies. 'You're one of us now. As a matter of fact, think of this as your first assignment with the Fantastic 4!'  
  
'Really?' Selene asks, not believing her ears. 'Does that mean I'm an official member?'  
  
'Well, reserve member.' Sue replies. 'If anything happens to the rest of us, it's up to you to carry on our work.'  
  
'Am I the only one?' Selene asks. 'I may be several millennia old but I'm not sure that I can handle that kind of pressure.'  
  
'Don't worry darlin' Ben replies. 'She-Hulk, Crystal an' Ant man're reserve members too!'  
  
'I'll take Val and Franklin over to the teleporter so Crystal can look after them.' Sue says. 'Reed, have we got any spare uniforms that Selene can use?'  
  
'I believe that we have dear.' Reed replies.  
  
'Wow!' Selene grins. 'My first mission with the Fantastic 4. Against Galactus no less!' Her happy grin starts to dissipate as the reality of the situation dawns on her. 'Oh Gods, I'm going up against Galactus with only my ability to wield flame to protect me!'  
  
'Hey, it ain't so bad!' Johnny adds. 'That's all I can do too! Well, apart from fly that is.'  
  
'I'm going to die!' Selene groans.  
  
On board the Fantastic 4's personal space shuttle, somewhere in space-  
  
Selene grips the armrests of her chair in panic. When you're an immortal sorceress with boundless magic power, you don't tend to fly that much. Ben looks over and puts his hand on hers in comfort.  
  
'Don't worry darlin' He says. 'The stress of intergalactic acceleration on yer body'll get better soon.'  
  
'It's not that, Ben.' Selene replies. 'The unstable molecules in this uniform's irritating my skin.'  
  
'I'm afraid that the unstable molecules that these costumes are made of are a new prototype.' Reed adds. 'Unfortunately they have a few bugs in them. I'll have to run some more tests when we get back.'  
  
'If we get back!' Selene replies.  
  
'Of course we'll get back!' Ben adds. 'We saved Galactus's life, he owes us!'  
  
'Let's just hope that he remembers!' Sue says.  
  
'Galactus's ship is coming into visual range.' Reed says.  
  
Selene peers out of the viewport and sees a large spherical ship approaching them. Then their ship is hit by a sharp jolt.  
  
'What's that?' Johnny asks. 'Don't tell me that Galactus's firing on us!'  
  
'Since when has Purple Britches had weapons, Bic head?' Ben replies.  
  
'Oh I dunno Ben.' Johnny answers. 'Maybe he watches too much Star Trek!'  
  
'Stop arguing you two!' Reed says from the pilot's seat. 'Galactus has caught us in a tractor beam. He's bringing us onboard his ship.'  
  
'Are we gonna let him drag us in like this?' Ben asks. 'Let's go kick his ass!'  
  
'Not so fast Ben.' Reed replies. 'We don't know whether his actions are aggressive yet.'  
  
'I'm sorry if I'm being ignorant.' Selene pipes up. 'But doesn't Galactus eat planets? Surely that amounts to an aggressive act!'  
  
'I suppose that we'll find out soon enough.' Sue replies. 'We're here. We're in Galactus's ship!'  
  
'There's only one thing ter say!' Ben yells. 'IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!'  
  
Ben throws open the hatch and storms out. The others run out after him to make sure that he doesn't do anything rash. They halt as they see Ben held in a sphere of energy. They look up to see who is holding him. They look up, and up, and up, finally seeing the purple and blue visage of Galactus.  
  
'Galactus!' Reed yells, stretching himself so that he stands eye to eye with Galactus. 'Let Ben go!'  
  
'I will release Benjamin Grimm when I am assured that there will be no more unprovoked attacks.' Galactus replies.  
  
'Unprovoked?' Johnny asks, in all his blazing glory as the Human Torch. 'You're orbiting Earth! You're hear to eat out planet!'  
  
The air above their heads is split by a loud booming sound as Galactus... laughs?  
  
'You were always an amusing opponent Jonathan Storm.' Galactus booms. 'I am merely passing by your system in search of sustenance. Can you not remember the many debts that I owe you? Or the fact that the last time I visited Earth that I gave my word that I would not devour your planet?'  
  
'Well you kinda jump to conclusions when the Devourer of Planets flies by your planet.' Johnny replies, somewhat sheepishly.  
  
'That's all well an' good.' Ben says from his energy bubble. 'But it still don't get me out from this damn thing!'  
  
'I apologise Benjamin Grimm.' Galactus says. 'You are free to go.'  
  
Ben's energy bubble is lowered to the ground before dissipating, releasing him.  
  
'Y'know, I'm sorry 'bout attacking yer like that.' Ben says. 'No hard feelin's right?'  
  
'I will not hold you personally for your actions Benjamin Grimm.' Galactus replies. 'Your actions were understandable seeing our previous encounters.'  
  
'So this mission was all for nothing then?' Selene asks. 'Oh, nice!'  
  
'I do not believe that we have met.' Galactus says.  
  
'Oh sorry.' Selene says. 'I'm Selene, I used to be Black Queen of the Hellfire Club but now I'm a reserve member of the Fantastic 4.'  
  
'I'm afraid that my situation is still the same.' Galactus continues. 'I still do not know who you are. Most earthly matters are below my notice.'  
  
'Charming!' Selene mutters.  
  
The FF are about to leave when Galactus speaks to them once more.  
  
'Before you leave, may I offer you some refreshments? It is the least I can do, seeing that you travelled here all for nothing.'  
  
'I don't see why not.' Reed replies. 'You always were a gracious host!'  
  
After a quick spot of tea with the Devourer of Worlds, the FF get back into the ship and travel back home to Earth.  
  
Later-  
  
Selene is once again meditating in her specially built meditation chamber that Reed made for her. Ben is there also, watching her in interest.  
  
'You know what Ben?' Selene asks.  
  
'I dunno, what?' Ben replies.  
  
'I'm kind of glad that Galactus didn't devour the planet.' Selene replies. 'That would have thrown off my plans for tomorrow.'  
  
'Why?' Ben asks. 'What happens tomorrow?'  
  
'I've invited Mystique, Typhoid Mary and the Enchantress around for poker!'  
  
'Yer jokin' right?' Ben asks incredulously. 'Right?'  
  
END... 


	7. Poker and Swimsuits

What a Revoltin' Development  
Part 7: Poker and Swimsuits  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own any familiar characters, they all belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Ghost in the Machine- I wonder who would survive Ben giving them a massage? I knew that Reed visited Galactus's 'home' during the Secret Wars but I couldn't remember whether he had tea or not.  
  
Agent-G- Tea with Galactus, it's happened before! More poker fun coming right up! I don't have anything personal against Johnny; I just find it amusing to pick on him. Pietro however, that's pure malice!  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
It is nighttime at the home of the Fantastic Four. Reed and Sue are out to dinner while Johnny has a date. Ben is running errands elsewhere. Val and Franklin are with Crystal on the Moon. That only leaves Selene. The former Black Queen of the Hellfire Club is presently concentrating on the cards that she has in her hand.  
  
'Full house!' She says, smiling triumphantly and throwing down her cards. 'Come on ladies, pay up!'  
  
Selene's poker partners groan in disappointment at losing yet another loss.  
  
'I swear Selene.' Mystique sighs. 'I would swear that you put a spell on us, that's if you still had your powers.'  
  
'What can I say?' Selene grins. 'Two thousand years has given me plenty of time to perfect my poker face!'  
  
'Thou art a most worthy opponent.' The Enchantress says. 'I wouldst play again but thou hast taken all my money.'  
  
'I thought you were rolling in it.' Typhoid Mary adds. 'Surely you've got some spare cash to spend.'  
  
'Thou shoudst watch how thee addresses me.' The Enchantress replies. 'I am not some lowly mortal.'  
  
'Excuse me!' Mystique says, holding her hand up. 'Mortal, standing right here!'  
  
'I doest apologise most sincerely Raven.' The Enchantress replies. 'I didst not mean any offence.'  
  
Selene pockets her winnings and walks over to get a drink.  
  
'Can I interest you ladies in a night cap before you leave?' She asks.  
  
'Sorry.' Mystique replies. 'No can so. I've got a Brotherhood meeting in the morning.'  
  
'I have to got too.' Typhoid says. 'I wanna go before I run into some unwanted attention.'  
  
'Daredevil?' Selene asks.  
  
'Oh yeah.' Typhoid replies. 'He's a real hard ass!'  
  
'I must decline thy offer also.' The Enchantress adds. 'It wouldst not do my image well if I didst fight the Avengers with a hangover.'  
  
'Sorry to hear that.' Selene sighs. 'See you around girls.'  
  
The three women say their respective goodbyes and are about to leave when... Reed and Sue walk in the door!  
  
The Richardses and the three women stand stock-still. Red and Sue stare in amazement at the three women standing in their home. The three women stare unblinkingly at the Richardses.  
  
'Oh wait!' Mystique says. 'This isn't Guns and Stuff!'  
  
'I thought this was Vic's Strip Club!' Typhoid adds.  
  
'This augers ill...' The Enchantress mutters to herself.  
  
Before the Richardses can ask what is going on the Enchantress conjures up a portal, teleporting the three women away.  
  
'I think I can explain.' Selene winces.  
  
'I'd like to heat this.' Sue replies, crossing her arms over her chest angrily. 'Why exactly were two wanted criminals and an evil Asgardian in our home?'  
  
'Would you believe we were playing poker?' Selene says.  
  
'I am going to try and ignore this.' Reed says. 'We trusted you and let you into our home. How do you repay us? By inviting three super villains into our home!'  
  
'If it helps I've already told Nick Fury of their whereabouts.' Selene replies.  
  
Several miles away-  
  
The Enchantress, Mystique and Typhoid Mary materialize somewhere in Manhattan. Much to their amazement the usually busy streets are now deserted. In their place are several armed soldiers and SHIELD helicopters.  
  
'This is your only warning!' Nick Fury says over the speaker. 'Give up now or we will open fire!'  
  
'How fast can you teleport us out of here?' Mystique asks the Enchantress.  
  
'What hakes thee wish that I am willing to teleport thee way?' She asks with a cocky grin. 'Farewell!'  
  
Typhoid and Mystique watch in amazement as the Enchantress teleports away without them.  
  
'Aww spit!' Typhoid groans.  
  
'Well it looks like its back into SHIELD custody for me.' Mystique sighs.  
  
'I'm just glad that Daredevil isn't here to see this.' Typhoid replies.  
  
'Ahem!'  
  
Typhoid turns around and sees a red-garbed vigilante sitting on a window ledge above them.  
  
'Aww spit! She groans again.  
  
The next day-  
  
It is now mid-morning and the sun is shining in the sky. Selene is sorting through her wardrobe for a swimming suit. She has wanted to try out the Fantastic Four's new ceiling pool ever since they had it installed. She turns as she hears a knock on the door. It's Sue.  
  
'I hear that you're looking for a swimsuit.' She says. 'I thought that I'd help you find one.'  
  
'Why the sudden change of heart?' Selene asks. 'Last night you were all for throwing me out. Why did you change your mind?'  
  
'A conveniently sloppy way to move along the plot I suppose.' Sue replies. 'So, what are you looking for? A one-piece or two?'  
  
'It's been such a long time since I've last had a swim.' Selene says. 'I haven't even got a swimsuit in my wardrobe!'  
  
'Being head of a worldwide cabal of mutants doesn't really leave time for swimming, huh?' Sue asks.  
  
'So what do you say we do?' Selene replies.  
  
'Go shopping for clothes!' Sue grins.  
  
After the shopping trip-  
  
Selene is in her room trying on the selection of swimsuits that Sue helped her buy. She wraps a robe around herself and walks out to the pool. Sue and the others are already out there. Johnny is flirting with his girlfriend while Ben works on the barbeque. Sue is teaching Val to swim in the shallow end while Reed plays catch with Franklin.  
  
'Sue, you don't think this swimsuit is a little bit too slutty do you?' She asks, removing the robe. She is wearing a revealing black two-piece with a thong bottom. Johnny is rubbing suntan lotion onto his girlfriend's back and squeezes the bottle in surprise as he sees Selene's swimsuit. Ben spits out his beer in surprise and Reed puts his hands over Franklin's eyes.  
  
'I'll go change.' Selene sighs.  
  
Later-  
  
Selene has now changed into a more conservative swimsuit and is in the pool. Selene looks up and sees Johnny bouncing on the diving board.  
  
'Here we go! Johnny Storm two-thousand-and-six Olympic gold!'  
  
'Yer do realise that yer not on a high board, right Bic-head?' Ben asks.  
  
'You're just jealous!' Johnny replies. 'At least the board can carry my weight!'  
  
Ben is about to say something in reply when he sees Selene swim up behind Johnny. Selene puts her finger to her lips, making a shushing motion. Ben just stands back and watches.  
  
'What's up Ben?' Johnny asks. 'Can't think of a witty comeback?'  
  
Ben just carries on smiling and crosses his arms over his chest. Behind Johnny Selene jumps up and grabs the top of his shorts, yanking them off. Johnny lets out a scream and tries to cover himself up.  
  
'Give them back!' He screams.  
  
'Whoops!' Selene says, throwing them off the top of the roof.  
  
'Noooo!' Johnny screams. He forgets his nakedness for a moment and runs over to the edge of the roof. He gets there just in time to see the familiar red and gold figure of Iron Man.  
  
'The strangest thing happened to me just now.' Iron Man says. 'I was just flying over to the Avengers Mansion when a pair of swimming shorts fell on my head.'  
  
'Uh, I think they're mine.' Johnny blushes. 'Can I have them back please? I'm starting to get a draft.'  
  
'Sure kid.' Iron man replies, handing Johnny the shorts. 'And do New York a favour, cover yourself up!'  
  
Johnny watches in amazement as Iron Man flies off. He turns over to Selene and Ben with an angry glare.  
  
'I'm never going to here the end of this now!' He grimaces. 'Now iron man's gonna tell Cap, Cap's gonna tell Wolverine, he's gonna tell the X-Men...'  
  
'That don't hide the fact that yer still naked though.' Ben adds.  
  
Johnny mutters under his breath as he pulls on his shorts and storms inside, plotting revenge all the way.  
  
Ben turns to Selene and grins broadly.  
  
'I've gotta say darlin', I couldn'ta thought of a better prank myself!'  
  
'Why thankyou Ben!' Selene replies. 'You should have seen some of the prank I played on Emma Frost back when I was Black Queen!'  
  
'That sounds like some story!' Ben says.  
  
'That gives me an idea!' Selene replies. 'Meet me downstairs with some duct tape, a goat, peanut butter and a shrimp fork.'  
  
'Why would yer need all that crap fer?' Ben asks.  
  
'That would take the fun away, wouldn't it?' Selene replies with a wolfish grin.  
  
END... 


	8. Volcanoes and Telepaths

What a Revoltin' Development!  
Part 8: Volcanoes and Telepaths  
  
By  
The Uncanny R-Man  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel.  
  
Shout Outs-  
  
Ghost in the Machine- Liked the DD appearance, huh? I remember that issue of FF too. Only Johnny Storm could make yelling 'I HAVE NO PANTS!' in a kid's pool seem funny.  
  
Agent-G- Yay for Johnny torture! With all that random crap that Selene needed, I was kinda reminded me of the end of 'Kenan and Kel.' Try to imagine the Thing saying 'Aww, here it goes!' Hee!  
  
The Baxter Building-  
  
It's a slow day at the home of the Fantastic Four, no vast Skrull invasion force approaching the Earth, not even the Incredible Hulk going on his bi-monthly rampage. Ben Grimm flicks through the channels on the TV. Selene yawns from her seat next to Ben, her head laid on his shoulder.  
  
'This is the part of bein' a world famous adventurer I hate the most.' Ben says. 'The waitin'.'  
  
'I suppose we could ask Reed to borrow the deep-sea submarine.' Selene says. 'Maybe we could go on a voyage to the Mariana Trench.'  
  
'Naaah.' Ben replies. 'We did that last week.'  
  
'We could ask Reed to shrink us down and go and look for civilisations on an atom.' Selene offers.  
  
'Sue's takin' Val there fer a day out.' Ben replies.  
  
Selene sighs in defeat.  
  
'Okay then.' She says. 'We could always go shopping.'  
  
'Aww crap.' Ben groans. 'That trip ter the bottom of the sea's startin' ter sound mighty invitin' right now.'  
  
Elsewhere-  
  
Two female figures, one blonde, the other a redhead, are standing by a newsstand in Manhattan. The two figures are Amara Aquilla and Rachel Grey, aka the mutant heroes Magma and Marvel Girl. Rachel buys a couple of candy bars from the vendor, hands one to Amara as they begin to walk to their destination.  
  
'This is the life, eh 'Mara?' Rachel asks. 'No mutant terrorists trying to take over the world or blowing up the mansion. You can't help but think that all is well with the world.'  
  
'I agree.' Amara adds. 'I can't believe how fast Manhattan was rebuilt after Magneto pretty much destroyed it.'  
  
'So where do you wanna go first?' Rachel asks. 'Shoes or a makeover?'  
  
'Do I have to answer that?' Amara replies with a grin. 'Shoes of course!'  
  
Rachel offers her arm to Amara and strolls to the nearest clothes store.  
  
Unseen by the two mutants, an old 'friend' is walking across the street opposite them. The 'friend' is of course Selene. Both Amara and Rachel have history with Selene. Selene tried to sacrifice Amara back when the immortal sorceress was high priestess of Nova Roma, she also killed Amara's mother. The first person that Rachel met upon arriving in our reality was Selene, who tried to absorb her life force. And then there's the whole escapade where they sneaked into the head quarters of the Hellfire Club to kill Selene.  
  
'Are you sure you don't need a hand with those bags?' Selene asks. 'I'll be happy to take some form you.'  
  
'That's alright.' Ben replies from under several bags of clothes, shoes and various other unnecessary purchases. 'I may not be much fer entertainin' but I sure am a good pack mule!'  
  
'Glad to hear it Ben.' Selene says. 'Because we're nowhere near finished yet.'  
  
Ben bemoans his luck as he follows Selene into a random clothes shop, the very same one that Rachel and Amara went in to! Several seconds later they are forcibly ejected by a wall of telekinetic energy. Selene slowly gets up off the ground and shakes her head.  
  
'I knew this day was too good to last.' She groans.  
  
'And you can bet on the day getting a while lot worse!' A voice replies from inside the store. Two extremely pissed figures storm out of the store and approach Selene. It's Rachel, in all her telekinetic fury and Amara in her Magma form!  
  
'I can explain.' Selene says, trying to remedy the situation. 'This isn't what you think...'  
  
'That's enough talking form you, witch!' Magma snarls. 'You're going to pay for all the pain that you put me through!'  
  
Selene can only watch in terror as Magma uses her powers to cause a volcano to burst through the ground under their feet. Selene is about to be bathed in liquid hot magma when an orange rocky surface blocks her way, it's Ben to the rescue!  
  
'Now calm yerself down kid.' Ben says. 'I don't know what Selene did ter yer but there's no need ter go summonin' volcanoes in the middle of Manhattan.'  
  
'She killed my mother!' Magma hisses.  
  
'She tried to absorb my life force!' Rachel adds.  
  
'Is this true?' Ben asks, turning around to Selene.  
  
'Kind of...' Selene answers sheepishly. 'But I was evil then...'  
  
Ben rubs the bridge of his nose; he can feel a headache coming on.  
  
'Selene's with me.' Ben says. 'She ain't up to no tricks, she ain't tryin' ter sacrifice anybody, we're just on a little shoppin' trip. So why don't yer both calm down, yer lucky nobody got hurt.'  
  
Magma and Rachel reluctantly let the matter go. Magma turns back to her normal form and uses her powers to force the volcano back under the ground.  
  
Selene approaches Rachel and Amara to try and make amends.  
  
'I know that there is nothing that I can say that will make the things that I have done to you right but I am no longer the evil sorceress that I once was. I've lost my powers...'  
  
Rachel's telepathy senses that she is telling the truth.  
  
'You're telling the truth.' She gasps in amazement. 'I couldn't ever use my telepathy to sense your thoughts. I guess that we owe you an apology.'  
  
'There's no need for that.' Selene replies. 'Your reactions were perfectly understandable given our shared histories.'  
  
'I suppose that we should invite you back to the institute.' Amara says. 'You know, to apologise...'  
  
'I'm not exactly sure about that.' Selene replies. 'I doubt that I'll be welcome there.'  
  
'I can come with yer.' Ben adds. 'Yer know, ter validate yer claims and stuff.'  
  
'Thankyou Ben.' Selene says happily. She then turns back to Rachel and Amara. 'I'll see you next week then, okay?'  
  
'We'll tell the others.' Rachel says. 'Seeya.'  
  
And with that, Rachel and Amara leave. Selene turns to Ben and breathes a sigh of relief.  
  
'Well that was eventful.' She sighs. 'I'm starting to think that we should just head straight home.'  
  
Later-  
  
Ben and Selene have just arrived back from their shopping trip and much to their amazement, the door to the penthouse sweet is open. Ben flattens himself to the wall, well as flat as you can get when you're as big as he is, and made of rocks, and Selene conjures up a fireball just in case. They cautiously sneak into the kitchen. The sight that greets them shocks them to the core, a young girl, aged about sixteen or seventeen, dressed in what seems to be a hybrid mix of a regular blue Fantastic Four costume and parts of Dr Doom's armour, is standing by the refrigerator drinking milk out of a carton.  
  
'Val?' Ben gasps.  
  
A now teenaged Valeria Meghan Richards spins around at the sound of Ben's voice and spits out the milk in surprise.  
  
'Oh hi, Unca' Benjy, what's up?' Val asks.  
  
TBC...  
  
BUM-BUM-BUMMMM! Ain't I a stinker? Hee!  
  
NEXT: How will the other members of the FF react to the fact that there are two Valeria Richardses in the house? How can this be? Is it possible to have two identical people in the same room with out screwing up the space- time continuum? Find out next time in: What a Revoltin' Predicament...! 


	9. Enrolments and Confrontations

**What a Revoltin' Development!**  
**Chapter 9: Enrolments and Confrontations  
**  
**By  
** **The Uncanny R-Man  
**  
_Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel, I only own August._  
  
_Shout Outs-  
  
Dark Jaded Rose- Glad to see you back luv! Yes, I did know that someone is making and FF movie.  
  
Agent-G- You can bet that Amara won't let Selene get away with that too easily. As Angel once said, 'Atonement is a bitch.'  
  
Ghost in the Machine- I suppose that Selene's justification for her actions was a little crappy. Selene won't be planning revenge on Amara and Rachel, even if she does get her powers back, she's reformed now._

* * *

**The Baxter Building-  
**  
The Fantastic 4 were sitting around the table waiting for the sudden news to sink in. Earlier that night, a teenaged Valeria had suddenly appeared in their home. The Fantastic 4 had long thought that the teenaged Val had disappeared shortly before baby Val was born. Sue was initially scared that the presence of a teenaged Val would make the younger version disappear but a quick check in their baby daughter's room disproved that theory.  
  
'I still don't quite understand how you came to be here.' Sue said. 'I thought you disappeared back into the time stream and reincarnated into our baby daughter.'  
  
'My best guess is that somebody's been screwing around with the time stream.' Val replied. 'Isn't that right, Dad?'  
  
Reed thought about this for a moment.  
  
'I suppose that I will have to check in my lab to see if there has been any unusual readings.' He said.  
  
'Does that mean that I'll have to be strapped to one of your machines again?' Val asked.  
  
'I'm afraid so.' Reed replied. 'Sorry.'  
  
'Well at least I can see that I'm in the right reality, my Dad's already gonna run test on me.'  
  
Val and Sue followed Reed out of the room, leaving a dumbstruck Ben, Johnny and Selene.  
  
'I may have been alive for more than two thousand years.' Selene said. 'But I'm confused.'  
  
'Join the club.' Ben replied. 'All this talk about time-travellin's messed up my head. I think I need a Scotch.'  
  
'Pour me one while you're at it Ben.' Selene asked. 'When I first met you I never knew that I'd meet alternate versions of you guys.'  
  
'This is nothing.' Johnny replied. 'This is all in a day's work for us.'

* * *

**Reed's lab-**  
  
Sue watched on concernedly while Reed ran several tests on Val.  
  
'So what's the hypothesis, Reed?' Sue asked. 'Is this really our daughter or is it a Skrull in disguise?'  
  
'Val is definitely our daughter.' Reed replied. 'Her DNA is identical to the one of our baby daughter.'  
  
'I hope you don't mind me asking.' Val said, still strapped to the machine. 'But do you think I could see the baby me, or would it screw up the space- time continuum, like they said in 'Back to the Future?'  
  
'I don't see any reason why not.' Reed replied. 'You would be surprised how many times we have run across alternate versions of ourselves without any dire affects to the time-space continuum.  
  
'Cool.' Val said. 'But, I won't be able to see the baby me unless you take me off this thing.'  
  
'Oops, sorry.' Reed replied. He then unstrapped Val and showed her to bay Val's' room, Sue followed shortly behind them.

* * *

**Baby Val's' room-**  
  
The door to baby Val's' room opened a little bit and the teenaged Val peered in. After she saw that her younger self was asleep, she crept in, trying to make as little sound as possible. Val cautiously peered into the crib and smiled at the adorable sight before her.  
  
'Aww.' She whispered. 'Aren't I cute?'  
  
Reed and Sue followed Val in and looked into the crib as well.  
  
'This freaks me out to say it.' Sue said. 'But you are such an adorable baby.'  
  
'And we're very glad that you were born.' Reed adds.  
  
'Aww, thanks guys.' Val said as she hugged her parents. 'You are the best alternate reality parents ever.'  
  
Val took one last look at her younger self before walking out of the room.  
  
'I think that we'd better go before we wake me up.' She whispered. 'Oh God, that felt soo weird to say.'

* * *

**The next morning-  
**  
The Fantastic 4, Selene, both Val's and Franklin were having breakfast. Reed and Sue didn't need to tell Franklin why the older Val was back as he had already found out the truth himself.  
  
'So, have you guys got any plans for later?' Val asked. 'I thought that we might go shopping or something.'  
  
'We've hit a problem on that front, actually.' Reed said. 'The general public still thinks that you're a baby.'  
  
'And it would freak them out to find out that there are two mes about, right?' Val asked.  
  
'Precisely.' Reed nodded.  
  
'That's why we're going to enrol you into school.' Sue said. 'The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning as a matter of fact. We called Emma frost last night and arranged for a meeting later on today.'  
  
Selene spat out her coffee in shock.  
  
'Uh, sorry.' She muttered. 'Phlegm, too much coffee...'  
  
'Let me guess.' Val said. 'She's got issues with the X-Men, being the ex- Black Queen and all.'  
  
'That's putting it a little mildly.' Selene replied as she wiped the coffee from her chin. 'Seeing that i tried to kill them so many times.'  
  
'I'll just go get rankling ready for school.' Sue said as she got up off the table. 'I'll meet the rest of you in the FantastiCar hangar in half an hour.'  
  
With that, everybody finished their respective breakfasts and got ready for the meeting at Xavier's.

* * *

**The FantastiCar hangar, later-  
**  
Selene bit her lip nervously as she and Ben waited for the others. Ben noticed how nervous she looked and put his arm around her in comfort.  
  
'I know yer got issues with the X-Men.' He said. 'But try not ter worry too much, yer one of us now. I'm sure that Frosty'll understand.'  
  
'Emma's not the one that I'm worried about.' Selene replied. 'My daughter's there, remember? She's the one that took away all my powers.'  
  
Ben backed away nervously as Johnny walked in and Selene's anger caused her powers to set Johnny alight.  
  
'Ah, ah. Flame off, flame off!' He yelled.  
  
Johnny finally managed to turn off his flames and turned to Ben and Selene.  
  
'A little nervous?' He asked.  
  
Selene and Ben juts ignored his comments and climbed aboard the FantastiCar as Reed, Sue and Val walked into the hangar.  
  
'I'm surprised all six of us can fit in here, actually.' Val said.  
  
'I took the liberty of expanding the FantastiCar to fit more people in when Selene joined.' Reed replied. 'Now, if everybody's ready to go?'  
  
Reed checked the onboard controls and flew the FantastiCar out of the hangar. Selene nervously bit her lip once more, dreading what would happen when they arrived at Xavier's.

* * *

**Xavier's later-  
**  
Ben and Selene were strolling around the gardens of Xavier's while Reed, Sue, Val and Johnny met with Emma Frost.  
  
'There's really no need to accompany me, Ben.' Selene said. 'I can cope fine on my own thankyou.'  
  
'Yer nervous.' Ben replied. 'An' I wanted ter make sure that yer didn't get inter trouble, y'know, if yer bumped inter yer daughter and stuff.'  
  
'This is something I need to face alone, Ben.' Selene sighed. 'But thanks for your concern anyway. Why don't you go back to the office, you are Val's godfather, after all.'  
  
Ben reluctantly leaved Selene, but not before he kissed her on the cheek and wished her good luck.

* * *

Emma Frost's office-  
  
Ben has now joined the others in Emma's office. Emma was just about to finish welcoming Val to the school when the office was shook by a colossal explosion.  
  
'What on earth?' Emma said.  
  
'I think that Selene's found her daughter.' Johnny said.  
  
'What makes yer say that Matchstick Head?' Ben asked.  
  
'Well, there's a chick throwing fireballs at your girlfriend for one.' Johnny replied. 'So that's got to be Selene's daughter.'  
  
'We'd better go and stop them.' Reed said. 'Before they damage something valuable.'  
  
'You'd better hope that they haven't damaged the hedge maze.' Emma groaned. 'Or I'll hold you responsible.'  
  
'Oops.' Val winced. 'Too late.'  
  
Sue just sighed and got out her chequebook from her purse.

* * *

**Outside, later-**  
  
A slightly scorched Selene and August have now been restrained and are sitting in Emma's office with the rest of the Fantastic 4,Val and some members of the faculty.  
  
'And as you can see.' Reed explains. 'Selene is no longer evil and is in fact a reserve member of the Fantastic Four.'  
  
Selene looked over at August and winced at her angry expression.  
  
'Look, I know that no apology will be enough to dignify the fact that I tried to kill Kurt and yourself.' She said. 'But you have my solemn oath on all that I hold holy that I have well and truly turned over a new leaf.'  
  
'And what?' August snorted. 'All this apologising is going to make me feel sorry for you and give you your powers back?'  
  
'After all the things that I have done in the past.' Selene replied solemnly. 'I don't deserve my powers back. And I can't help but think that spell that you used on me was a one way trip, so you couldn't give me my powers back, even if you wanted too.'  
  
'Yup.' August replied.  
  
'It's what I deserve I suppose.' Selene sighed.  
  
'Um, August.' Kitty Pryde piped up. 'Selene said that she lost all her money and got kicked out of the Hellfire Club, was that you too?'  
  
'No.' August replied. 'I'm not that petty.'  
  
'Well who was it then?' Kurt asked.  
  
'There was another upheaval in leadership after I lost my powers.' Selene replied. 'After they found out my weakness, they didn't think I was worthy any more and kicked me out.'  
  
'Well, if that's all settled then.' Emma said. 'Then I have to get back to teaching my class, if you'll excuse me.'  
  
Everybody takes the hint and leaved the room. Selene turned and watched as August walked away without one look behind her.  
  
Ben walked upto Selene and put his hand on her shoulder in comfort.  
  
'I'm sure she'll come around soon enough.' He said.  
  
'I'm not so sure about that, Ben.' Selene sighed. 'Stubbornness runs in my family.'  
  
**END...  
**  
_Find out how Val fits in at Xavier's in future chapters of 'Cuckoos.'  
  
NEXT: Selene Vs The Sub-Mariner, 'nuff said!_


	10. Say Uncle!

**The Uncanny Couple**

**(Formerly known as What a Revoltin' Development!)**

**Chapter 10: Say Uncle!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel._

_Shout Outs-_

_Darkjadedrose- Glad to see you back, luv._

_Agent-G- Oh yeah, you can bet that the Selene/Subby fight is gonna be good._

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

It was mid-morning at the Baxter Building, home of the Fantastic Four. As usual, Reed Richards had chose to forgo breakfast and was still in his lab experimenting with random doo-dads. Susan Richards was feeding baby Val while searching for Franklin's favourite cereal. Ben Grimm was making the coffee and was waiting for the hot water to boil. Johnny Storm was slouched in front of the TV watching cartoons.

Selene walked in the kitchen and greeted everybody amicably.

'Good morning everybody.' She said, rather too perky for such a time in the morning. 'How is everybody this fine afternoon?'

'No talk, TV.' Johnny mumbled from his seat on the sofa.

Selene walked over to Ben and kissed him on the cheek.

'Having a little problem with the coffee pot, Ben?'

'Yeah, the frickin' thing won't work.' Ben replied. 'Stretcho goes and invents a new one and the piece of trash won't work.'

'Maybe I'll be able to help.' Selene said as she pointed a finger at the pot. A small lick of flame shot out from her finger and enveloped it, boiling it pretty much instantly. 'See?' She grinned. 'Simple as that.'

'I don't see why you couldn'ta done that, Torchie.' Ben said.

'But I don' wanna...' Johnny pouted.

Selene took a seat and helped herself to some random pastries.

'Is anybody doing anything exciting today?' She asked. 'Fighting the Super-Skrull? Is Mole Man up to his old tricks? Perhaps Diablo wants his butt kicking.'

'Nothing as exciting as that.' Sue replied. 'Reed still refuses to come out from his lab, Johnny has to see our lawyers about merchandising rights and Ben promised to help She-Hulk with some heavy lifting.'

'What about you Sue, have you got any plans for today?' Selene asked.

'Well apart from dropping Franklin off at school, nothing.' Sue replied. 'Why, have you got any plans?'

'There's a new exhibition in town showing genuine Roman artefacts.' Selene said. 'I thought that I'd pop in and see whether they really are Roman artefacts.'

'And you'd really know such things, right?' Ben asked.

'Well I was around then.' Selene replied. 'One never loses an eye for genuine Roman artefacts.'

'If you want some company, I'll be happy to join you.' Sue said. 'It'll give me something to do anyway.'

* * *

**Later-**

Sue had dropped Franklin off at school and Val at her babysitter's and was strolling through the museum with Selene.

'That's fake, that's fake. Fibre glass, Greek...' Selene said as she ascertained that most of the exhibits there were fakes or in the completely wrong area of the museum. 'I can't see how these scientists can call themselves experts. In my day I would have had them flayed alive and thrown to the lions.'

'You are joking, right?' Sue asked nervously.

'I never joke about Roman history.' Selene replied seriously. 'Kidding!' She added off Sue's shocked look. 'No, I would have had their hands chopped off, then flayed and fed to the lions.'

'You have a seriously warped sense of humour.' Sue groaned.

'But such a beautiful face.' A masculine voice said from behind them.

Sue and Selene both spun around and looked at the face of the speaker. It was Namor, the Sub-Mariner.

'Oh Namor, what a pleasant surprise.' Sue said, her words dripping with sarcasm.

'What have I done to receive such animosity from you, Susan?' He asked.

'That was the time when you teamed up with Doctor Doom.' Sue asked. 'And that one time where you and the Atlantean army invaded New York. Not forgetting the other time where you teamed up with Doctor Doom, yet again, to drive Reed mad.'

'But I only did it for you, Susan.' Namor replied. 'I only did it for you love.'

'Well you certainly have a funny way of showing it.' Selene snorted. 'Why not drown the city while you're at it?'

'I think he did that in the Thirties.' Sue replied.

'Oh.' Selene said. 'I didn't know that, I was still in Nova Roma.'

'Come away with me Susan. Leave this place and join me.' Namor continued.

'You certainly have a lot of guts.' Sue said as she shook her head in exasperation. 'Have I ever accepted you offer?'

'No you have not.' Namor replied. 'But that has not stopped me from trying.'

'You might want to do the lady a favour and leave.' Selene said. 'We came here to have a quiet day out and you slither in from the sea and stink out the place like some rotten fish.'

'You had better watch how you address me, woman.' Namor said as he narrowed his eyes in anger. 'I do not wish to do anything that you may regret.'

'I somehow doubt that.' Selene snorted. 'In the many years I have been alive, I have done things that would make you wish that you were in a can, like all your other little sardine friends.'

'I am warning you...' Namor said as he put his hand on Selene's shoulder in warning.

'Oh no.' Selene replied, not moving an inch. 'I'm warning **YOU**. You had better remove your hand or you will see what I can really do.'

'Selene, I don't think this is a good idea.' Sue said as she tried to calm matters. 'There are too many people about. If you have to fight, take it outside.'

'Oh I plan to take it outside.' Selene replied as an evil grin spread across her lips. 'Let me ask you something, _your majesty_, have you ever been to been to England and tried battered fish?'

'No, I have not. Why do you ask?' Namor asked.

'Because you're about to find out what it is like.' Selene replied as she summoned a huge fireball and smashed Namor through a wall.

'_Selene!' _Sue gasped. 'There was really no need for that.'

'Oh come on Susan. That man is infuriating. He had it coming.'

'You will pay for that woman.' Namor snarled as he got to his feet. 'You will pay dearly.'

'It has been such a long time since I have tested myself in battle.' Selene grinned. 'I look forward to it.'

While all this posturing carried on, Sue retreated to a safe distance to call the other members of the Fantastic Four.

* * *

**Outside-**

The action had spilled out onto the street with each combatant both throwing mean punches. During the fight, Selene had started to feel her strength come back, just like the Hulk did when he gets angry, so she and Namor were evenly matched.

'You are a worthy adversary Selene.' Namor said as he wiped blood from his mouth. 'It will be such a pity to harm such a beautiful face.'

'I wager you say that to all the women you fight.' Selene said as she hefted up a car. 'That seems to be all you are good for nowadays.'

Namor narrowly avoided getting squashed by the car as Selene threw it at him.

During the fight, Namor neglected to notice a crack in the sidewalk that had been arisen during the fight. He was about to make a running charge at Selene when he tripped on the crack and fell flat on his face.

'Enjoy your trip?' Selene chuckled as she hefted up another car. This time her throw was accurate as it landed on top of the Sub-Mariner. 'Do you submit?' She asked.

'I will never submit!' Namor said, already getting up on his feet.

Selene hefted up another car and threw that on top of the first.

'Come on, you can't possibly keep this up all day.' She said.

'I am Namor and I will keep this up until my last breath!' Namor said as he crawled out from underneath the wreckage.

'Very well.' Selene shrugged as she picked up yet another car. 'I'm not your mother.'

Namor was almost free from the wreckage when Selene threw the car on top of him again.

'Say uncle!' Selene said.

'**NEVER!'** Namor yelled form underneath the wreckage.

'I was hoping you would say that.' Selene grinned.

Several more cars later- 

Selene had piled nine cars on top of Namor and yet, he still came back for more. Selene was just about to see if Namor could handle ten cars on top of him when an arm stretched around the car and pulled it away from her.

'Selene, that is enough!' Reed said as he, Johnny and Ben appeared in the FantastiCar. 'I may not be much of a fan of Namor myself but there is other ways to deal with this.'

Selene reluctantly stopped fighting and helped Namor out from under the wrecked cars.

'You're lucky that Reed and the others came here when I did.' She hissed. 'You had better not come back to New York in a hurry.'

'You are a most worthy adversary.' Namor said as he took Selene's hand and kissed it. 'Your strength is only outweighed by your beauty. I look forward to seeing you again.'

And without another word, Namor flapped those tiny little ankle wings and flew away.

'Well it certainly looks like Subby's over you, Sue.' Johnny grinned. 'Now he's got the hots for Selene!'

Selene just shot the Human Torch a glare and walked off back to the Baxter Building.

END...

_Next: He's baaack! Find out who in... 'If it's Good Enough for Claremont...'_


	11. If It's Good Enough For Claremont

**The Uncanny Couple**

**Chapter 11: If It's Good Enough For Claremont**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

_Shout Outs-_

_Chad- Yup, I did get that bit from Justice League._

_Ghost in the machine- You'll have to remember that Subby had just been blasted by a fireball so he would have been weakened._

_Agent-G- Yup, I did get the bit with the cars form Lobo's appearance in Justice League. That's the sole reason I brought Subby into this chapter._

* * *

**The Baxter Building Gift Shop-**

Selene was leaning on the counter looking bored. After her fight with the Sub-Mariner in Manhattan, Reed gave her a talk on responsibility and what have you. What got Selene was the fact that Reed would have done the same thing if he was there but that didn't seem to fly with Mr Fantastic. So that was why she was working in the gift shop, she needed to think stuff over.

It was quite a quiet day actually; there had been the usual amount of fangirls coming in to get their latest fix on Human Torch memorabilia and spotty geeks buying posters of the Invisible Woman.

In order to keep herself amused, Selene conjured up two miniature fire figures and made them dance. She had just finished a rather complicated tango routine when Sue walked in.

'Still a slow day?' The Invisible Woman asked.

'Yes, I'm surprised you even kept open.' Selene replied as she made the fire figures disappear in a puff of smoke. 'The Fanboys and fangirls were the only ones in here.'

'They're our main source of revenue.' Sue replied. 'Besides, if we closed they'd only sit outside and protest until we reopened. It saves us any fuss.'

'You're a better woman than I.' Selene sighed. 'If I were in charge, I would have turned them to ash right now. But those days are over now.'

'Do you miss the Hellfire Club?' Sue asked as she perched on the edge of the counter.

'In some ways, yes.' Selene replied. 'It's the non-stop sex that I miss the most. I am however glad to be rid of that obsequious toad, Shaw. He infuriated me. And that ponytail of his, I just wanted to grab a pair of scissors and cut it off!'

Sue nodded in agreement.

'Talking about sex.' She said. 'How about you and Ben? Have you got that far?'

'I don't really think that's possible.' Selene replied. 'I love Ben very much but it would be rather uncomfortable, if you catch my drift.'

Sue patted Selene's shoulder in sympathy.

'Well, it only matters that you love him, right?'

'Yes, and I do.' Selene replied. 'I never thought that I'd be the one to fall in love but, I do love Ben.'

'It's kind of hard to imagine you two not being together.' Sue said. 'You two seem perfect for each other.'

'Do you really think so?' Selene asked. 'Aren't you afraid that I might go back to my own ways? What if my other powers come back? How will you feel then?'

'I have faith in you Selene.' Sue said. 'But, if you hurt Ben in any way at all, I will beat you to death with a shovel.'

'Glad to hear it.' Selene said, a small smile spreading on her face.

'It's almost time to close up anyway.' Sue said. 'Why don't you knock off and I'll close up?'

'If you're sure.' Selene said as she got up from her seat. 'Shall I see you back upstairs?'

'Of course.' Sue replied. 'Now you go be with Ben.'

Selene was halfway out the door when Sue remembered why she had come down in the first place.

'Oh Selene, I almost forgot. We're going to a charity gala tonight, you're invited too. You will come, won't you?'

'Reed still isn't angry, is he?' Selene asked as she stuck her head around the door.

'Of course not.' Sue replied. 'He only gave you that lecture to give a good example. He's pretty jealous that he didn't get to beat Namor himself.'

'I'll go get ready.' Selene said as she went up to get ready.

* * *

**Later-**

Everybody was waiting in the lobby to go out to the gala. Sue and Reed were there. Sue was dressed in a shimmering blue dress with a slit up the leg while Reed was wearing a simple black tux. Selene was wearing a similar dress to Sue's but in black. Ben also had a tux on. They were just waiting on Johnny and his date.

'Bet'cha a buck that they're makin' out.' Ben said.

'Ben, there really wasn't any need for that.' Reed said. 'You can afford to bet more than that.'

'I can't thank you all enough for inviting me out with you tonight.' Selene said. 'I hope I'm not intruding.'

'Oh course yer ain't.' Ben replied. 'Yer part of the family now so yer get ter come along to the swanky parties too.'

'Who else is coming to this party anyway?' Selene asked.

'I think Tony Stark will be there.' Sue replied. 'He's holding the gala to help research into heart disease.'

'I'm sure that there will be a few more Avengers there too.' Reed added. 'I think Brian and Meggan Braddock are flying in from England too.'

'It'll certainly be a celebrity affair.' Selene said. 'Lots of paparazzi no doubt.'

'If they piss yer off, yer could always pile a tonne of Hummers onto 'em, like yer did with Namor.' Ben smirked.

'I still can't get over the fact that nobody was hurt.' Selene said. 'I'm pretty sure we trashed half of Manhattan in the process.'

'I somehow doubt that.' Reed said. 'It was more like thirty-fiver percent.'

'Look who's got a sense of humour all of a sudden.' Sue teased. 'This isn't like you, Reed.'

'I'll say.' Ben added. 'Stretcho tellin' a joke is just as likely as Nick Fury buyin' a round.'

'Where had Johnny got to?' Reed said, changing the subject. 'The gala starts at nine and it's almost quarter-past eight.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

In a darkened room somewhere, somebody was observing Selene and the Fantastic Four through a magical scrying pool.

'Bah, look at the fools, walking around totally ignorant of what approaches. Little do they know that the time has come, the time for my revenge. It is unfortunate that the Black Queen has lost her bite, I had hoped for her to join me, but no matter, they will all fall underneath my plans. Oh yes, I shall wreak my revenge, so says Doom!

TBC...

* * *

_Next- Guess Who's Back _

_Dr Doom Vs Selene, the Fantastic Four and a whole host of guest stars! _


	12. Unthinkable Again

**The Uncanny Couple**

**Chapter 12: Unthinkable... Again**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_**Disclaimer- **I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong Marvel._

* * *

_**Shout Outs-**_

_**Agent-G- **Sorry you didn't like the last chapter, I'm starting to run out of ideas for this. I have this idea for a future story arc, so I want to get that over with before I finish this._

**

* * *

Stark Industries- **

The FantastiCar containing the Selene and the Fantastic Four landed outside the Stark Industries building. They all stepped out and before the valet could step up to take car of the FantastiCar, Reed activated a control and the FantastiCar shrunk down to a more manageable size.

'Y'know, for a really rich guy, you sure can be awfully tight sometimes.' Johnny snickered. 'It's not like valet's cost all that much.'

'Johnny, just leave him alone, okay?' Sue sighed. 'I don't see you dipping in your wallet.'

'Well, my wallets in my other... pants.' Johnny replied, his eyes darting about nervously. 'The food here's free, right?'

'You ever hear of the time Johnny opened his wallet?' Ben asked. 'George Washington blinked in the sunlight.'

Selene chuckled in reply.

'I bet that in the winter he sits in front of a candle.' She replied. 'And if it gets cold enough, he most probably lights it!'

'Okay, enough with the bitching, okay?' Johnny groaned. 'I'm not tight, I'm just... careful with my money.'

'Let's just go in before blood is shed, okay?' Reed sighed. 'This is supposed to be a fundraiser for charity, not a barroom brawl.'

'Sorry Stretcho, just teasin' the Match Stick.' Ben replied. 'Just havin' a little fun, right?'

Reed just shook his head good-naturedly and led the others inside.

* * *

**Inside- **

Inside the reception hall, they were met my Tony Stark's security team. Reed showed them their invitation and was shown the way towards the party.

'I'm nervous Ben.' Selene said. 'I'm not sure it's right for me to be here, given my past history.'

'You ain't ever faced the Avengers before, have ya?' Ben asked.

'Well, no.' Selene replied. 'But that doesn't really change what I did when I was with the Hellfire Club.'

'Just give it time, babe.' Ben replied as he put his arm around Selene in comfort. 'Just as long as you ain't the Mandarin then Stark won't care what ya did way back when.'

'Thanks Ben.' Selene said as she kissed his stony cheek. 'That was so sweet of you... I think.'

'Ah Reed, nice of you to come!' Tony Stark said as he walked out of a random room. 'It's lovely to see you too Sue.'

'Always a pleasure Tony.' Sue replied.

'Ben, Johnny.' Stark nodded.

'Shell Head.' Ben replied.

'And this must be Selene.' Stark said as he laid eyes on the ex-Black Queen. 'I trust you're not up to your old tricks.'

'No plans for sacrificing any Christian children today, Mr Stark.' Selene replied, laughing nervously.

'Glad to hear it.' Stark chuckled. 'Just walk right on in, Steve's about somewhere.'

'See you later Tony.' Reed nodded. 'Perhaps we could have a talk about that new invention of yours.'

'Looking forward to it.' Stark nodded. 'Have fun!'

Reed and the others walked into the room that Stark just walked out of, and were show to their table.

'Shell Head sure knows how ta throw a party.' Ben said as he looked around. 'Now we just need to get ta the drinks.' He added as he headed towards the champagne.

'Now Ben, this isn't an excuse to get drunk.' Reed said. 'This is a charity fundraiser.'

'Yeah, yeah. So ya keep saying, Big Brain.' Ben sighed. 'A guy can hope, can't he?'

'Mmm, this champagne is certainly classy.' Selene said as she took a sip. 'Stark sure has good taste.'

'Ooh, it says here that there's gonna be a draw for a speedboat at the end of the evening.' Johnny said as he saw a display announcing the grand prize. 'I am so in on that!'

'Sez you, Bic Head.' Ben replied as he put his name on the list. 'That speedboat's mine!'

'Oh yeah, like you're gonna fit in a fine piece of machinery like that! You'll sink it as soon as you set one foot on the damn thing!'

'Ah, parties with the Fantastic Four.' Selene sighed. 'I really am glad that I got kicked out of the Hellfire Club.'

* * *

**Later- **

The gala was in full swing as Tony Stark took the stage to begin the draw for the speedboat.

'Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please?'

The guests quieted down as Stark began the draw.

'First of all, I'd like to thank Mr Wayne for donating this fine piece of machinery. Okay, now on to the draw.'

Johnny and Ben both clutched their tickets and began praying that they won the prize.

'The winner of the third prize of a wide-screen television and DVD player is... Matt Murdock!'

'Oh yeah, like he's gonna get any use of that.' Johnny snickered.

'Johnny, shush!' Sue hissed. 'He's our lawyer!'

'Aww, like he cares, sis.' Johnny replied.

'Shaddup Bic Head.' Ben added. 'Stark's about to announce the second prize!'

'And the winner of the second prize of a weekend at the Lassaline spa and health centre is... Colonel Nick Fury!'

'Looks like he needs it too.' Ben snickered as Fury went up to accept his prize.

'And now for the grand prize, this beautiful speedboat! The winner is...'

Unfortunately, before Stark could announce the winner, the room was rocked by a colossal explosion.

'Apologies for taking your attention away from the bright lights and loud noises.' A voice boomed as the smoke cleared. 'But I have urgent matters to attend to. Most of them include the utter and complete annihilation of the Fantastic Four!'

Reed and the others could hardly believe their eyes as they saw who was standing before them.

'Surprised to see me, Richards?' Dr Doom asked with an evil grin behind his mask. 'You should have known that I would not have stayed dead forever. Even after that little wind-swapping trick that unfortunately rid us of Mr Grimm for a short while? Oh, and Stark, I hope those aren't your security guards trying to sneak up behind me.'

Before the gang of security guards could even reach for their guns, they were incinerated by a blast of flame form Doom's gauntlet.

'Now to make sure that we are not interrupted.' Doom said as he waved his hands. There was a flash of light and everybody was bound in unbreakable magic bonds. The only one that wasn't bound was Selene.

'Ah, the former Back Queen of the infamous Hellfire Club. I have a proposition for you. Join me or die with the rest of these ignorant peasants.'

'You can shove your proposition, Doom.' Selene hissed. 'Your so-called magic powers are nothing but parlour tricks compared to the insurmountable power that I used to wield.'

'Used, to wield woman.' Doom sneered. You _used_ to wield them.'

'That's where you're wrong, I'm afraid.' Selene replied. 'I haven't been sitting idle since my expulsion of the Hellfire Club. Perhaps you would care to sample some of my power...'

Before Doom could even utter a syllable of protection, Selene waved her hands and blasted him with a bolt of magical energy that sent him crashing through the wall, sending him falling to the ground outside. Selene waved her hands once more and the magical bonds holding the others disappeared.

'We have to go after him!' Reed said. 'There is no telling what chaos Doom could wreak.'

'No, you all must stay back.' Selene replied as she held up a hand, preventing them from following Doom. 'I am the only one that could possibly hope to match Doom's power.'

'But you'll be killed if you go against him on your own!' Sue said.

'Redemption's a bitch, huh?' Selene replied as she dived after Doom.

**

* * *

Outside- **

Doom had just made it to his feet as Selene landed on top of him.

'You won't get away that fast, Doom.' She said as she threw him against a truck. 'I'm going to make sure that you stay right here.'

'You shall regret this, woman.' Doom hissed in anger. 'I wield the power of Hell itself!'

'You really have no idea who I am, do you?' Selene replied.

'I know enough to make you die!' Doom said as he blasted her with another magical fireball.

Selene just stood there as the ball of flame erupted around her and covered her completely. 'That trick is useless against those that can manipulate fire.' She said as she reflected the fire back at Doom, blowing up a petrol tanker behind him.

'Nobody is more powerful than Doom!'

'Does that arrogant attitude really hold any sway?' Selene asked as she zipped behind Doom. 'I'm surprised that your demon masters would brook such insolence.'

'Nobody is Doom's master!'

'Has anybody ever told you that referring to yourself in the third person is rather pretentious?' Selene asked as she grabbed Doom by the hands. She tried to ignore the pain, as Doom set off a surge of magical energy jolting through her body. Living for several millennia had somewhat heightened her pain threshold.

'Now to rid you of those pesky oven mitts.' Selene said as she crushed Doom's hands with a wet crunch.

'It will take more than that to beat Doom, woman.' Doom hissed. 'I have beaten back the gates of Hell itself!'

'I was hoping you would say that.' Selene replied as she grabbed Doom by the throat and began to squeeze.

'Your powers are weak, woman.' Doom croaked. 'You cannot kill me, I will go on to wreak chaos on this forsaken country!'

Selene just ignored Doom's posturing and continued silently chanting one of the darkest spells that she had ever learnt. Even when she was immortal she wouldn't dare use this spell, but the present situation caused for desperate measures.

Both combatants began to glow with an unearthly light. Selene's eyes turned purple as the spell began to reach its peak. The pressure was so much that blood began to drip from Selene's nose.

The wind began to whip around the pair as the spell reached a crescendo. Both of their bodies began to shake as Doom's soul, or what was left of it was ripped form his body and cast into realms better left unmentioned with a horrific howl. With the spell complete, Selene collapsed to the ground.

Ben and the rest of the Fantastic Four ran up to her. Ben held her in his arms, beginning to fear the worst.

'Ben...' Selene said, her voice barely a whisper. 'He's gone... Doom is gone... forever.'

'Don't try ta talk. We're gonna get you some medical attention.'

'No... Not much time...' Selene replied. 'The spell took to much energy... It's almost time to go...'

'No, you can't go, everythin' was goin' great.'

'Don't be upset for me Ben... Just remember this... I love you...'

And with that, Selene's eyes rolled back into her head and she lay there silent.

Ben just held her gradually cooling body close, as if the heat from his body could bring her back.

Reed and the others, unsure what to do, just stood beside him, upset about the loss just as much as Ben was.

Ben slowly knelt down on the ground and lay Selene's body down. He lay his forehead down onto hers as a single lone teardrop fell form his eye.

'Love you too...' He whispered.

* * *

**The next day- **

The Baxter Building was quiet; nobody could believe what had happened. Once they had returned with Selene's body, Ben had stayed with her the whole night. Once the morning had come, he had somehow disappeared. All that was left by means of a notice was a note telling Reed and the others of his intentions. It read...

'_Reed, Sue and Johnny,_

_By the time that you wake up I will be gone. I'm going to bring Selene back. Please don't come after me. _

_Ben._

**TBC... **

* * *

_**Next: Thing Out Of Hell **_

_Ben journeys to Hell to bring Selene back to life. Guest starring: Marvel Girl, Magma and August of the Uncanny New Mutants._


	13. Thing Out Of Hell

**The Uncanny Couple**

**Chapter 13: Thing Out Of Hell**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel, I onlt own August. _

**

* * *

Shout Outs-**

**Proponent of EVO- **_Yes, Selene may have died selflessly but one selfless act can't erase several millennia of cruelty._

**Agent-G- **_Hmm, that's a good idea, I might just use that. _

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

It was a stormy night at Xavier's and the mood matched the weather. Several members of the X-Men were reeling from the news that Selene, now reformed former Black Queen of the Hellfire Club, had died in battle with Dr Doom. The person that was affected the most as August, Selene's daughter. There may have been some bad history between mother and daughter but they had started to patch things up.

August sighed deeply form her place on a sofa beside the window and watched the rain fall down the window. Not even the company of Kurt Wagner, her boyfriend, could cheer her up, not after she saw her mother die on television.

Two other X-Men with history with Selene were Amara Aquilla and Rachel Grey, Magma and Marvel Girl. Amara originally came from Nova Roma, a lost city in the Amazon jungle modelled on ancient Rome, which was also ruled by Selene. When Rachel first arrived in this reality form her own, Selene tried to absorb her life force. Selene may not have been their favourite person but the news of her death had hit them hard too.

'I've never seen August this sad before.' Rachel said as she peered into the room. 'But it's only to be expected, I guess.'

'I kind of feel the same.' Amara admitted. 'Part of me feels that I should still hate Selene for what she's done but another part fells saddened by her loss. She seemed serious about turning over a new leaf.'

'Preaching to the choir.' Rachel replied. 'She put so much into turning over a new leaf, and all we did was attack her.

'I only wish there was something we could do, to make it better.' Amara sighed.

* * *

**The gates of Hell-**

Selene came to with a groan and found herself in what seemed to be a cave of some sort. Upon closer inspection, she wasn't in a cave she was in…

'Hell…' Selene groaned. 'I guess this means that I'm really dead.'

Selene turned as she heard the swish of a robe and saw a purple-clad woman standing before her. This was Death. Beside Death was a lesser demon, kind of a messenger to those that had just been sentenced to all eternity in Hell.

'You didn't seriously think that a few months of good deeds would erase millennia of sin, do you?' The demon snickered.

Selene looked into the flames of Hell and hung her head sadly.

'No you're right, I deserve this…'

Selene got up and followed Death and the demon into Hell…

* * *

**Back on Earth-**

Ben stepped upto the front door of the X-Mansion and poised himself to knock on the door. It had taken him a lot to come here, he would have preferred to do this on his own but the X-Men needed to know about this as they had more experience with Selene.

Ben raised a giant rocky fist and knocked on the door, each knock resounding around the mansion. Fortunately, it didn't take long for somebody to answer the door.

'Omigod! Ben!' August gasped. 'Come in! You're soaked!'

'I ain't got time fer no hot toddies yet, August.' Ben replied seriously. 'I came here ter ask for yer help.'

'Anything you want Ben.' August replied. 'What do you need?'

'I'm gonna travel to Hell an' rescue Selene.'

August's eyes widened in surprise.

'Okay, I'm in.' She said. 'But why not ask the rest of the Fantastic Four?'

'Cuz they'd think it wuz too dangerous.' Ben replied. 'Now c'mon, I stashed Reed's teleporter chair nearby.'

'Teleporter chair?'

'Reed an' the others used it ter bring be back form Heaven when I died.' Ben replied. 'Somehow I figgered how ter reverse the controls ter send us ter Hell.'

'Well if you're going to travel to Hell, You'll need some help.' A voice said behind them. Be and August turned to find Rachel and Amara suited up in their X-Men uniforms and standing there with determined expressions on their faces.

'This ain't gonna be no cake walk.' Ben warned them. 'Hell ain't fer newbies.'

'We don't care.' Amara replied seriously. 'Selene isn't the only one that needs to be absolved.'

'Okay, if yer all ready, follow me.' Ben nodded as he led him to the patch of trees where he stashed the teleporter chair. He sat down and tapped a few controls. 'Hold on, this ride ain't gonna be pleasant…'

* * *

**Hell-**

The teleporter materialized on one of the many rocks floating in the air above Hell.

'We're not just going to sneak in there and snatch Selene away are we?' Amara asked.

'Marvel Girl, can yer hide us with yer telepathy?' Ben asked.

'I'm not sure whether my telepathy works on demons, but I'll sure as Hell (excuse me) try!' Rachel replied as she put her hand to her forehead and concentrated.

'Okay, the demons should be seeing us as demons ourselves.' Rachel said.

'Right, now we just need ter get down form here.' Ben thought to himself.

'Allow me…' Amara replied as she used her powers to make the lava below them rise up and solidify into a makeshift path.

'Keep an eye out fer danger.' Ben warned them. 'We dunno how long we'll be able ter be hidden.'

The three X-Woman nodded silently and followed Ben on their search for Selene.

**

* * *

Later-**

Ben and the three X-Women soon made their way to a foreboding looking citadel where the worst sinners were more than likely kept. They held their breaths as they walked past the demon guards guarding the entrance. Fortunately, the guards merely nodded in greeting and let them past.

'Not to be out of place but where are we actually going to find my mother?' August asked. 'It's not like there'll be a map or anything.'

'You, demon!' Rachel said, trying to sound as menacing as possible. 'Where's the Selene woman?'

'In torture chamber two-thirty-six.' The demon replied. 'Down the hall from Doom.'

Ben tried to restrain himself from wringing the demon's neck at the mention of the name of his girlfriend's killer but managed to keep calm as he followed Rachel down to the torture chamber.

Amara cautiously peeked in.

'Selene's in there all right.' She said. 'But she's strung up upside down.'

'Are there any demons in there with her?' August asked.

'No, she's alone.' Amara replied.

'Step back, I'm gonna make us a quick way in!' Ben said as he smashed through the door.

'Ben… Is that you…?' A drowsy Selene groaned.

'Yeah, it's me.' Ben replied as he ripped the ropes away form Selene's wrists and ankles. 'We've come ter save yer?'

'What, no _it's clobberin' time?_' Selene weakly chuckled.

'There's no time fer that.' Ben replied. 'We have ter get outta here before we get caught.'

'Too late.' Amara said as she saw demons appear at the door.

'I'll take care of these guys.' August growled. 'Uch, I hate demons!'

Ben held Selene in his arms as August blasted the demons with a blast of flame and led them outside.

'Why did you save me Ben?' Selene asked weakly. 'I deserve this.'

'No yer don't.' Ben replied as he ran across to the teleporter chair. 'Yer ain't gonna get killed as soon as yer start yer road ter redemption.'

Selene struggled to turn to August and the others.

'August, I thought you hated me.'

'If Ben can trust you, so can I.' August replied as she blasted more demons with fireballs.

'Amara, Rachel, you have reason to hate me…'

'We can talk about the logistics of saving you later.' Rachel replied as she used her telekinesis to float them out of the demons' reach and over to the teleporter chair. 'That's if this thing can get us back home.'

't will, trust me.' Ben replied as he lay Selene down onto the chair and tapped in more coordinates. 'I hope this ain't gonna be a repeated occurrence.'

* * *

**A week or so later- **

Things had finally calmed down at the Baxter Building after Selene's return and everybody was going about their business. August even made it over to the Baxter Building to spend Christmas with her mother. Amara and Rachel also made some progress in forgiving Selene, it may have been the odd night out here and a girl's night in there but they were making progress non-the-less.

Ben and Selene were standing on the balcony enjoying the view of Manhattan at night. They also had glasses of champagne in their hands, as it had been six months to the day since they first met back in the dingy little bar in the Bronx.

Selene took a sip of her champagne and noticed something metallic in her mouth. She carefully removed the object and saw that it was in fact a ring.

'Ben…?' She asked, wanting to know what this was all about.

'I'm no good at all that speechy stuff so I just thought I'd give yer a surprise.' He explained. 'Wanna get married?'

Selene's face broke into a huge smile as she slid the ring onto her finger and planted a huge kiss on Ben's face.

'Oh Ben, I'd love to marry you!' She grinned. 'I'm going to treasure this moment forever!'

'Me too darlin'.' Ben grinned a she put his arm around Selene's waist. 'Me too…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Goodbye Salty Badness**

_Selene, Sue, August, Amara, Rachel and Val prepare for the upcoming wedding. Oh, and Namor finds out and fights Ben for Selene too._


	14. Goodbye Salty Badness

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 14: Goodbye Salty Badness**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_The Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Namor and all familiar characters belong to Marvel, I only own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Agent-G- **_Don't worry, Death will make her presence known soon enough._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Selene was walking down the streets of Manhattan. She was starting to make plans for her upcoming wedding. Sue was with her, as were the teenaged Val, August, Amara, Rachel and Alicia Masters.

'It's nice of you to agree to come with us, Alicia.' Selene said. 'Are you sure you wouldn't rather be elsewhere? I know that Ben and you used to be together.'

'It's quite alright.' The blind sculptress replied. 'I'm happy for you and Ben and I'm thankful that you chose his ex-girlfriend to come along with you on this trip.

'Think nothing of it, Alicia.' August replied. 'Amara, Rachel and I all have history with Selene. Hopefully she'll soon decide who to choose as he maid of honour.'

'I'm sorry dear, my lips are sealed for now.' Selene said, keeping quiet about her choice. 'But any more lip and you'll be relegated to flower girl.'

'Yes mother…' August pouted.

Val snickered at the sight of the grown woman acting like an admonished child.

'Val, don't make fun, it isn't nice.' Sue told her daughter. 'That's unless you want to be the flower girl.'

'Shutting up.' Val quickly said.

* * *

**Elsewhere- **

Elsewhere in Manhattan, Ben was posting invitations for the wedding. He had already posted a few at Avengers Mansion. He had even travelled to Hell's Kitchen to invite Matt Murdock. Well, the guy was their lawyer. Now he only needed to find out a way to contact Nick Fury. He could always ask Cap to get hold of him. Then there were the X-Men; he had yet to travel to Westchester to invite them. Then of course there was Dr Strange.

Ben chuckled to himself slightly, here he was delivering invitations and he and Selene hadn't even decided on the service yet. Ben was Jewish and Selene was a former devil-worshipping sorceress, God knows what the service would be like.

'Well, there goes most of the Manhattan superhero community.' Ben said to himself. 'We sure as Hell don't want the Punisher at the service, unless we want our weddin' day ter turn inter a massacre or somethin'.'

Ben was about to call it a day when he saw a familiar face nearby.

'Hey Fish-Face, what brings you outta yer bowl?'

'You had best be careful how you address me, Grimm.' Namor the Sub-Mariner replied. 'I am the Monarch of Atlantis!'

'Yeha, yeah, we've all heard it before.' Ben sighed. 'Say, you heard the good news? Me an' Selene're getting' married.'

'What?'

'Are yer ears getting' clogged up with sea salt or somethin'?' Be asked. 'I said that me an' Selene're getting' married.'

'I heard what you said, Grimm.' Namor replied angrily. 'And I thought I told you that Selene was going to be _my_ queen!'

'Yeah right, like the Black Queen's gonna lower herself ter do it with an overgrown fish.'

'Well she certainly lowered herself to be seen with you.' Namor snorted.

'Oh, that wuz below the belt.' Ben growled. 'I know I ain't said this fer ages but… _It's Clobberin' Time!'_

Ben slugged Namor in the face, sending him crashing through a shop window.

'Well that's the end of that chapter.' Ben snickered as he dusted off his hands.

'Treacherous wretch! You shall pay for that effrontery! Stand and face my wrath!'

Ben rolled his eyes and turned to face an irate Namor.

'Do we really have ter do this? I gotta go meet my fiancée at Bloomie's ter help pick out a dress.'

Namor just snarled and flew at Ben, sending him smashing through an idle milk truck.

'How dare you lay your filthy hand on me whelp?' Namor snarled.

'Oh great.' Ben sighed. 'I go deliver invitations fer my weddin' and end up getting' in a brawl with Sammy the Fish-Boy. At least it ain't the Hulk.'

* * *

**Bloomingdale's-**

Selene and the others were perusing the lingerie aisle. Val picked up a skimpy garter and brandished it above her head.

'Hey Mom, 'd'you think this'll suit me?'

'If you want to look like a streetwalker, yes.' Sue replied. 'Now put that down, no daughter of mine is going to dress like a slut.'

'It's not slutty it's…'

'Disgustingly promiscuous?' August snickered. 'Ooh, see-through bras!'

'Have you thought about the colour scheme yet?' Amara asked. 'No offence but I kind of doubt that you'll be wearing white.'

'And you'd be right.' Selene replied. 'I was kind of thinking of a nice cream coloured dress, it would set off my complexion wonderfully.'

'What about the bridesmaids' dresses?' Rachel asked. 'I hope it's not purple because it makes me look fat.'

'I was thinking of pink for the bridesmaids' dresses.' Selene replied.

August, Amara and Rachel all fixed Selene with identical stares of horror.

'Please tell me you're joking.' August said.

'Like it put any of you through the indignity of that.' Selene snickered. 'The flower girl will be wearing pink. Oh Val…'

'Not if you paid me a million dollars.' Val replied, not even looking up form her position in front of a stand of panties, testing their elastic and catapulting them about the store.

'Ah Alicia, before I almost forget.' Selene said. 'I'd like to commission you to make a statue of me. I'll pay you handsomely for it.'

'Oh I wouldn't dream of charging you for it.' Alicia replied. 'Just think of it as being your wedding present from me.'

'Not even if I pay you for the sculpting supplies?' Selene asked.

'Not a chance.' Alicia replied.

'Guys, did you feel that?' Amara asked as she tried to steady herself against a corset display.

'Feel what, 'Mara?' Rachel replied.

'There's something going on a few blocks away.' The young Nova Roman replied. 'I can sense the seismic vibrations.'

'Oh God, it's Ben!' Sue said. 'I knew I couldn't leave him alone for one second!'

'Finger crossed it's not the Hulk, huh?' Val snickered.

Sue conjured up an invisible force bubble and carried everybody out of the shop.

* * *

**Back with Ben and Namor-**

The brawl between Ben and Namor was in full swing as the combatants continued to trade punches and throw each other through things. The general public had long ago fled in fear of being crushed by falling debris or a misjudged car thrown by one of the combatants.

Sue landed the invisible bubble and rolled her eyes at the sight of the two super-powered adults acting like a pair of stags batting antlers.

'Okay then guys, time out!' Sue said as she separated them with an invisible wall. 'Why don't we calm down like normal rational adults?'

'He started it.' Namor said, pointing at Ben.

'Oh grow up Namor.' Sue sighed. 'You should know better than to come waltzing into Manhattan and starting a fight with Ben.'

'I merely wished to show my obvious superiority over Grimm.' Namor replied.

'Yeha, like that's ever gonna happen.' Ben snorted.

'Ben, shut up.' Sue hissed. 'Now Namor, not to sound mean or anything but… Selene wouldn't marry you if you were the last King of Atlantis in the World!'

'Umm Mom, he is the last King of Atlantis.' Val added.

'Not helping.' Sue replied. 'Now, will you to stop fighting and start acting like mature adults?'

'Yes Sue.' Ben muttered.

'At once Susan.' Namor added.

'Very well.' Sue nodded as she let down the invisible wall. 'Now, I want you two shake each other's hands and apologise.

'Aww Sue…' Ben pouted.

'Do it!' Sue commanded.

Ben and Namor both begrudgingly held out their hands and shook them.

'Sorry.' Ben muttered.

'I apologise.' Namor replied, equally nonchalant.

'Jackass.' Ben muttered.

'Whelp.' Namor hissed.

'I heard that!' Sue said. 'Don't make me come over there!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Unwelcome Visitors**

_Selene gets paid a visit by one of her victims back when she was Black Queen. You can bet that he won't be happy to find out that she's back form the dead._


	15. Unwelcome Visitors

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 15: Unwelcome Visitors**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. Ronnie Rocker belongs to L1071E._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Since when have weddings in the Marvel Universe been normal? _

**Agent-G- **_I'd hate to think how high the insurance premiums are in New York, especially after Magneto blowed up Manhattan. If you think there's going to be trouble at the wedding, you should wait and see the bachelor and bachelorette parties. Heh._

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

It was a dark and stormy night in Manhattan as the Fantastic Four were slumbering peacefully. Selene however wasn't having much of a peaceful night. The former immortal tossed and turned in her bed as if she was having a nightmare.

Selene rolled onto her back and opened her eyes wearily. It wasn't as if she was going to get any more sleep tonight, she may as well get up and fix herself a snack.

Selene got up with a groan and wrapped a robe around herself. Before leaving the bedroom however, she looked back at Ben snoozing away like a baby. The sight of her fiancé sleeping like that made Selene's heart melt, even if her fiancé was a huge pile of orange rocks.

A flash of lighting lit up the New York skyline as Selene made her way into the kitchen and opened up the fridge in search of some sandwich supplies.

'Hmm, cheese, ham, chicken… peanut butter? Yuck!'

Unseen by Selene, a translucent blue figure slowly appeared in the room and floated over to Selene.

'Honestly, you'd think that the Richardses would have better taste than to buy cheapo orange juice.' Selene muttered.

'That's the last of your worries, Selene.'

Selene's eyes widened in fear at the sound of the voice and dropped her glass on the floor, shattering it.

'Oh for Hades' sake!' Selene hissed as she bent down to pick up the pieces of glass. Unfortunately, Selene cut herself on one of the shards. 'Oh, this is just perfect!' Selene hissed once more as she cradled her hand.

'Having a spot of bad luck?' The ghost asked, visibly amused.

'Why are you here, Rocker?' Selene sighed, not even looking up from her bloody hand.

'Oh well you know, the usual.' Ronnie Rocker shrugged. 'I just came to see _WHY YOU'RE NOT DEAD!'_

Selene sighed sadly; it was only a matter of time until something like this happened to her. Ever meeting Ben and turning her back on the Hellfire Club, Selene had lived in fear of one of her victims coming back to haunt her. This particular victim was Ronnie Rocker, a glam rocker form the 70s and the 80s. Ronnie had a particular beef with Selene because she was the one that caused the car crash that he died in. Selene was after Rocker's mystical guitar, as all evil sorceresses were in those days.

'The higher powers aren't all that happy that Grimm took you out of Hell.' Ronnie said. 'The Ghost Roads are in an uproar.'

'And just what are you going to do exactly?' Selene replied, looking the ghostly guitarist in the eye. 'Take me back? My powers may be weaker than what they were but I can still defend myself if I have to.'

'I'm just here to issue you a warning, Selene.' Ronnie said. 'You know that Kid Razor will end up hearing of this. He hates you almost as much as I do.'

'Take a number and stand in line.' Selene replied. 'A lot of people hate me, but you don't see them coming here and bothering me like this.'

'Give this up now or I'll tell Razor where you are.' Ronnie threatened.

Selene wasn't impressed, as a matter of fact, she was pissed off that this ghost would even dare to come here and threaten her like this.

'I know that I've done a lot of bad things in my time.' Selene said. 'There's nothing that can take that away. Some people have managed to forgive me though. There's my daughter for a start, Amara and Rachel too. So why don't you get off your annoying protoplasmic soap box and get over it? Nobody likes a ghost that refuses to let go. And let's talk about your fashion sense for a moment; glam is over for Hades' sake! You can't tell me that you don't know how to change shape! Even lowly poltergeists know how to shapeshift!'

Ronnie just glared at the angry sorceress.

'You're a stubborn one Selene. I won't be held responsible for the consequences once Kid Razor finds out.'

'I'll tell him the same thing I said to you.' Selene replied. 'Besides, I have the Fantastic Four and most of New York's metahuman population to back me up. If Razor wants a fight, he'll get one. Nobody is going to ruin this my wedding. Not an annoying ghost with zero fashion sense, let alone some little arrogant upstart from Cleveland.'

'I'm sorry you feel that way.' Ronnie sighed. 'Don't say I didn't warn you…'

With that, Ronnie Rocker's ghostly form disappeared.

Selene just sneered and searched through the medicine cabinet for something for her hand.

'Stupid damn ghost.' She muttered. 'I don't need this crap. I used to be the Black Queen for Hades' sake. I wouldn't have took all this back then, why should I take it now?'

Selene continued to mutter to herself as she slunk back into the bedroom. Hopefully Rocker's ghost was just posturing, trying to mess with her. If Kid Razor were to find out, Selene wouldn't exactly be defenceless; she had the Fantastic Four, as well as the Avengers, the X-Men and Nick Fury on her side. Razor would be in for one hell of a fight…

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Johnny's Interlude **

_After Kourtney leaves him for another man, Johnny goes on the rebound with Laura Greene of Deadpool Inc. However, Laura may not be who she seems… _


	16. Johnny's Interlude

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 16: Johnny's Interlude**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**

* * *

Shout Outs-**

**DarkKnight92- **_Wow, what a load of reviews. Sorry, no plans for a Namor/Razor team up._

**Agent-G- **_I never read anything with Lyja the Skrull in but I feel that Johnny should have somebody. When they were together however, they seemed to be happy so why not reunite them? _

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

It was late afternoon in the Baxter Building and everybody was going about their usual daily business. That didn't include Johnny Storm however. Whereas he would usually spend the better part of his day lounged in front of the TV with a bumper bag of Doritos, he was skulking along the corridor muttering to himself.

'Damn Kourtney. Don't know how good she had it. Dump me for frickin' Keanu. No taste nowadays. Jerk can't even act. Freakin' Captain Cardboard…'

Walking along the corridor in the opposite direction was Laura Greene, one of the interns that worked for Deadpool Inc. Although Deadpool Inc. was situated the floor below the present location, Laura was forced to come to this floor as Deadpool Inc.'s photocopier was broken.

'Don't know why these notes couldn't be arranged in alphabetical order.' Laura muttered to herself as she juggled her files, trying to arrange them properly. 'Woulda saved me the trouble…'

Both Johnny and Laura were too occupied by their respective problems to notice the other approaching and they soon collided, hastily arranged notes scattering everywhere.

'Watch where you're going jackass!' Laura hissed as she tried to gather up her notes.

'I could say the same thing to you.' Johnny muttered. 'I'm Johnny Storm by the way.' He added, offering his hand.

'Yeah, I know who you are.' Laura sniffed. 'You gonna stand there like a lemon ro help me gather these notes up?'

Johnny just shrugged and helped Laura gather up the notes.

'So you work for Deadpool Inc, huh?' Johnny asked as he noticed the letterheads on the notepaper. 'That must be… fun.'

'If you count hunting for a decent photocopier fun then, yeah.' Laura replied. 'It's a crazy whirligig of fun.'

'I could have a word with Reed about fixing yours up if you want.' Johnny said.

'S'all right.' Laura replied. 'Wade's seeing to it.'

'Deadpool is fixing the photocopier?' Johnny asked, fearing what might happen if the former Merc-with-the-mouth could do with so much hi-tech equipment.

'Well, when I say Wade, I meant Betsy.' Laura replied. 'Setting the microwave to cook popcorn is about Wade's limit.'

'Wow! He knows how to cook popcorn?' Johnny asked in amazement.

'You don't know how to cook popcorn?' Laura asked, not sure whether Johnny Storm could possibly be this stupid.

'Pff, of course I can.' Johnny snorted. 'People might label me as a dumbass but they forget that I've got a degree.'

'Not just a pretty face.' Laura nodded.

Johnny cocked a curious brow; perhaps this was a way to help him forget about Kourtney.

'Well, you're pretty hot yourself.' Johnny said. Then he instantly regretted saying that. 'Crap. I can't believe I just said that. Crap. I'm usually so good at this. Crap.'

A small smile spread on Laura's face as she watched Johnny flounder about.

'If you're trying to ask me out, I'd be glad to join you.' Laura said, putting Johnny out of his misery. 'You can pick me up at eight, 'kay? Your choice where we can go.'

'Umm, okay…' Johnny said, blinking at the sudden turn of events. 'Eight it is.'

'Seeya.' Laura smiled as she walked back in the direction she came.

'Wait. Don't you wanna use the photocopier?' Johnny asked.

Too late, Laura had already gone.

'Hunh. That was weird.' Johnny sniffed.

* * *

**Later-**

It was nearing eight o' clock as Johnny sped to Laura's apartment. The date was an informal one and as such, there was no need for anybody to get especially dressed up. Johnny was just wearing a plain blue shirt and black pants.

Johnny stepped up to Laura's door and was about to knock on the door when…

'Oh Johnny. Hi.' Laura said. 'Talk about good timing.'

Johnny just nodded dumbly as he looked Laura up and down. Laura was dressed in a slinky black cocktail dress with a tiger emblem that clung to her curves like a second skin. She had her long auburn locks piled on top of her head with sticks keeping it in place.

'Everything alright Johnny?' Laura asked.

'I'm starting to feel kinda under-dressed.' Johnny said, looking down at his lowly shirt and pants.

'You look fine.' Laura replied as she picked up her purse and locked her apartment door. 'I think the simple look suits you.'

Johnny smiled and offered Laura his arm, which she happily took.

'Are you going to let me in on where we're going?' Laura asked.

'Ah, I can't tell you.' Johnny replied cheekily. 'It would spoil the surprise.'

'Ooh. I like the surprises.' Laura grinned.

Inside, Laura wasn't so eager.

'_Just wait until Johnny finds out about the real me…' _'Laura' thought to herself.

* * *

**The next morning-**

Johnny woke up with a groan. Man, what did he do last night?

Johnny rolled onto his side and slowly opened his eyes to see some kind of striped creature peering back at him. He jumped up with a yell and fell out of bed.

'Oh yeah, real smooth Johnny.' Johnny muttered to himself.

Johnny peered over the edge of the bed to see that the creature staring at him was an over-sized plush Tigger.

'Okay, I don't think I'm in my room…' Johnny said to himself. 'What happened?'

Then everything came back to him. He went on a date with that Laura Greene girl from Deadpool Inc. There was dancing and drinking. Lots of drinking. Passions were ignited and soon ended up in bed. Johnny looked down at himself and noticed that he was naked.

'Eep!' Johnny yelped as he pulled a sheet around him.

'A little late for you to cover up, don't you think?' A voice purred from the bathroom.

Johnny looked up at the speaker and had his second shock of the evening. Laura Greene was a Skrull!

'Y-you're a Skrull!' Johnny yelped, standing up straight and pointing a finger at 'Laura'.

'Not just any Skrull, sweetie.' 'Laura' replied. 'I'm hurt that you don't remember.'

Then it clicked.

'Lyja?' Johnny asked. 'I-is it? How? What the Hell is going on here?'

'I thought that was simple enough.' Lyja replied. 'We got drunk and ended up in bed. Mmm, I can't tell you how much I missed doing that with you.'

Johnny was still dumbstruck.

'Why now? What took you so long?'

'No particular reason.' Lyja shrugged. 'Only the fact that I wanted to see the man that I love.'

'W-wait, you love me?' Johnny asked.

'Never stopped.' Lyja said, sidling up to Johnny and lacing her arms around his waist. 'I came here to be with you.'

'This can't be happening.' Johnny groaned, breaking away form Lyja's grasp. 'This is bad karma or something. I break up with one girlfriend and end up having drunken sex with an ex. Who's s Skrull!'

'You didn't seem to mind last night.' Lyja replied.

'I was drunk!' Johnny yelled.

Lyja's face just fell at that.

'Oh. Is that what I am to you? Just a drunken one night stand?'

Johnny mentally kicked himself.

'I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I-it's just that I've just broken up with somebody and I don't think I'm ready to rush onto anything just yet.'

Lyja just sighed in reply and turned around to pick up Johnny's clothes.

'I'm going to finish my shower. I expect you to be gone by the time I get back.'

Johnny opened his mouth to reply but couldn't find anything to say. Well, he had royally screwed this up.

* * *

**Later-**

Johnny was fully dressed and was in his usual position in front of the TV with a big bag of Doritos on his lap. His heart wasn't in it however; he was still thinking about Lyja. How could he patch this up? Could he even patch this up?

'Sue, about that Laura Greene…'

'The girl that work with Betsy and Wade?' Sue replied from her place in front of Baby Val's highchair. 'What about her?'

'You did know she was a Skrull, right?' Johnny asked.

'I knew as soon as she moved in.' Sue replied.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Johnny asked.

'It's not my place to tell you.' Sue replied. 'If Lyja wants to wait for the right time to tell you her real identity, then it's her choice.'

Johnny just groaned into his hands.

'Aww crap! Why can't I keep a decent relationship? I always screw it up. Crystal. Frankie. Kourtney. Everybody.'

'Why don't you just get up off your butt and go talk to her?' Sue asked. 'Use your time constructively for once.'

'But Sue…'

'Jonathan Spencer Storm…'

Johnny just sighed in defeat. He knew that it was an argument that he couldn't win. He just slunk away to try and fix things with Lyja.

* * *

**Lyja's apartment-**

Lyja was about to depart for work when somebody knocked on her door.

'Oh for crying out loud.' The young Skrull woman muttered as she answered it. 'Johnny! What're you doing here?'

'I wanted to apologise.'

Lyja just turned her back on Johnny and tried to shut the door in his face. Johnny quickly darted into the room before he could be shut out.

'Please. You have to listen to me.' He begged. 'I want to make everything better.'

'You should have thought of that before you insulted me.' Lyja replied.

'I was a jerk.' Johnny sighed. 'There was no need. I was still angry at Kourtney.'

Johnny took Lyja's hand and looked her straight in the eye.

'Lyja, I really want to make a fresh start of this. Please say you feel the same way.'

Lyja sighed in defeat.

'I could never stay angry at you Johnny Storm.' Lyja said as she kissed him gently on the cheek. 'Now skedaddle, I have to get to work.'

'After all the stuff we drank last night?' Johnny asked. 'How are you not hung over?'

'I don't get hung over, sweetie.' Lyja replied. 'Unlike some pasty-faced lightweights.'

Johnny clutched his heart dramatically.

'Oh! You wound me.'

Lyja just chuckled and pushed Johnny out of the door.

'Scoot, I have to go.'

'Meet you for lunch?' Johnny asked.

'It's a date.' Lyja smiled.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Booze Up In The Negative Zone**

_It's time for the bachelor and bachelorette parties. While Selene, Sue and the girls hit the clubs, Reed had something extra-special planned for Ben, a bachelor party in the Negative Zone! And I bet you thought a bachelor party that was arranged by Reed would be boring. Heh._


	17. Booze Up In The Negative Zone

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 17: Booze Up In The Negative Zone**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I only own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Agent-G- **_Don't worry, Johnny and Lyja will be together for the duration. You can bet that those two will have a lot of fun with her shape-changing powers. Heh. With Reed as his best man, how could Ben's bachelor party not be interesting?_

**Thanks to- **_Vigatus._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I'll stay away from your sun all right. Stay away… for ever!'- _**Sideshow Bob (The Simpsons)**

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

The home of the Fantastic Four was a hive of action as Ben Grimm and Selene prepared for their respective bachelor and bachelorette parties. As well as the staple quintet, along with Selene and Johnny's girlfriend Lyja, there were several guests present too. Logan and Nick Fury were there for Ben's bachelor party while Jennifer Walters was there for Selene's bachelorette party. Also there was Crystal, playing hooky from the West Coast Avengers, Alicia Masters, and August, who was preparing for her role as Selene's maid of honour. August was fully aware of the irony of being her own mother's maid of honour.

Selene was presently being dragged towards the vacant FantastiCar.

'Is this really necessary?' Selene sighed from her place atop Jen's shoulders. 'I can walk perfectly well myself.'

'Serves you right for taking so long to get dressed.' Sue replied. 'Now c'mon, those male strippers aren't going to ogle themselves.'

Selene just rolled her eyes and propped herself up on an arm. It was going to be a long night…

* * *

**The Negative Zone Chamber-**

Elsewhere in the Baxter Building, Ben and the other guys were waiting for Reed to arrive.

'Why the heck are we even in the Negative Zone Chamber?' Johnny asked. 'We should be getting wasted and ogling naked chicks.'

'Ever the sensitive type, Bic-Head.' Ben sighed. 'Stretcho's most probably got somethin' extra special planned.'

'Ya mean to say that we're actually gonna take a trip to the Negative Zone for ya bachelor party?' Logan asked.

'I wouldn't put it past him.' Ben replied.

'And to think I though havin' Reed as best man would be a boring idea.' Fury snickered.

'That still doesn't explain why he's taking so damn long.' Johnny muttered. 'The more time we waste standing around doing nothing, the less time we get to ogle sexy alien chicks.'

'Don't you do that twenty-four-seven, anyway Torchie?' Logan asked. 'Y'know, seein' that yer datin' a Skrull chick an' all.'

Johnny opened his mouth to say something in his defence but decided against it. Logan was right, he was the one dating a Skrull. The green skin was a bonus, along with the usual shape-changing powers. He and Lyja had hours of fun with that…

The small group of men turned as one as the doors to the chamber swished open to reveal Reed strolling towards them.

'I have finished all of the last-minute preparations, gentlemen.' Reed said. 'We have now officially started the bachelor party.'

'About time too, Reed.' Ben sniffed. 'You gonna tell us why we're goin' to the Negative Zone for this little hootenanny or are ya gonna keep us hangin'?'

'Do you remember that exploratory expedition we took part in a few years back?' Reed asked. 'Well, during a visit to a small planetoid, I discovered a pleasure district which would be ideal for a bachelor party, or the like.'

'So that's why you're in here so much.' Johnny snickered. 'Just wait until Sue finds out.'

'Let's just get into the Negative Zone Traveller, okay?' Reed sighed.

* * *

**Downtown Manhattan-**

Selene's bachelorette party was in full swing as the ladies hit the clubs. Having Jen along with them was a boon, as she knew all the best places to get drunk and to ogle naked guys.

Selene was presently sat on a chair in the middle of the stage while two male strippers that looked suspiciously like Gambit and Bishop of the X-Men danced for her. Sue and the other women hooted like baboons, even Alicia. Even though she was blind, Alicia could still keep up with the others in the drinking stakes. She even had a stripper all to herself.

'Go Selene! It's your birthday!' Jen cheered.

'Umm Jen, Selene's birthday is in September. It's April.' Sure replied.

'Oh you know what I mean, Suzie.' Jen sighed. 'Let's just ogle the hot guys, okay?'

'Sounds fine to me.' Sue grinned. '_Get 'em off! Wooooh!_'

'Wow, Sue really lets herself go, doesn't she?' August snickered.

'You should have been there for **my** bachelorette party.' Crystal chuckled. 'You wouldn't believe what she got up to…'

'Wanna bet?' August asked, her eyebrow cocked.

'It really isn't my place to tell.' Crystal replied as she sipped her drink.

'Aww c'mon, Crys.' August moaned. 'Spill, the world has to know about Sue's drunken debauchery.'

'My lips are sealed.' Crystal replied. 'Sorry.'

'Nuts.' August pouted. 'I wanted the dirt.'

'Just shush and down your Margarita, okay?' Jen butted in. 'You won't get drunk without it…'

August just shrugged and did as she was told.

* * *

**The Negative Zone-**

Once Reed had stashed the Negative Zone Traveller somewhere safe, the guys headed for the pleasure district that Reed had told them about.

The district looked just how you would expect, large neon lights illuminating the place and busty alien women showcasing their wares.

'Man, to think I thought this was going to be a lame idea.' Johnny said as he did a double take at the sight of a blue-skinned woman with three breasts. 'Oooh, busty…'

'You sure that Suzie don't mind you comin' here?' Ben asked. 'We don't want her to get jealous…'

'If I know Susan as well as I think I do, I am sure that she would be presently getting highly inebriated along with Selene, Jennifer and the others.'

'That's our Suzie.' Ben snickered.

'So we got any decent strip clubs in this burg?' Logan asked.

'I believe we are standing in front of one such establishment.' Reed replied. 'I am not familiar with these alien symbols but I believe that we have reached our destination.'

'So the half-naked alien chicks didn't tip you off then?' Ben snickered.

**

* * *

Manhattan-**

The ladies were presently sitting in a bar drinking and singing lewd songs. Sue looked to the side and noticed that Selene seemed a little withdrawn.

'What's the matter, Selene? Not feeling queasy already are you?'

Selene just shook her head sadly.

'I was visited by a ghost the other night.' She said solemnly. 'It was one of my former victims.'

'Are you sure this wasn't a dream?' Sue asked.

'No, it was real all right.' Selene replied. 'It was Ronnie Rocker. He threatened to tell Kid Razor where I was.'

'Oh great.' Sue snorted. 'Trust _him_ to pop up and screw everything up.'

Sue was fully aware of the shared history between Selene and Kid Razor. Selene killed Kid Razor's childhood idol, Ronnie Rocker. She also killed Razor's bets friend, and crime fighting partner, Sonic Blue and tortured his very soul. The Fantastic Four also had experience with the arrogant Cleveland-born hero. But that really isn't the point, Selene was upset and Sue had to do something about it.

'I doubt that we'll have any trouble with Razor if he does gatecrash the wedding.' Sue said. 'He'll be highly outnumbered for one. The Avengers will be there. So will the X-Men. Daredevil. Dr Strange. Hell, almost all of the heroes in greater New York will be there. Kid Razor may say that he's fearless but I doubt he has a death wish.'

'I wish I had your faith, Sue.' Selene sighed. 'Ever since Ben rescued me from Hell I've been feeling like I'm on borrowed time.'

'Oh come now Selene.' Sue said. 'You've got all of us to protect you. There's no way that Razor could get past all of us. We're the Fantastic Four for God's sake!'

Selene just nodded silently as she sipped her drink. Time would tell if and when Selene would meet Kid Razor again. And when they did, it wouldn't be pretty.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Until Death Us Do Part…**

_Finally, it's time for Ben and Selene's wedding. Guest stars galore as well as a certain unwelcome visitor…_


	18. Tilld Death Do Us Part

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 18: Until Death Do Us Part…**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. Kid Razor belongs to L1701E. I own August._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Vigatus- **_I'm sorry that there wasn't enough wackiness for your tastes but just you wait until the wedding. Heh-heh-heh._

**Needles- **_Sorry, Rockslide won't be saying 'Clobberin' time' any time soon in the URM-Verse cuz he's dead. He was exterminated by a Dalek along with Tag and Wither._

**Agent-G- **_You can bet that Ben and the rest of the FF won't be happy to have Kid Razor drop in on the wedding. Razor and the FF go waaaaay back._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'…the localised condition of planetary atmospheric condensation caused a malfunction in the visual orientation units. Or to put it another way, we got lost in the fog.'- _**Tom Baker as the Fourth Doctor (Doctor Who: Horror of Fang Rock)**

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

The home of the Fantastic Four (the Fantastic _Six _if you counted Selene and Lyja. Fantastic Eight if you counted the Richards children. Okay, better make that nine what with the older alternate version of Valeria Richards that was a member of the Sirens) was a hive of activity as everybody prepared for Ben Grimm's marriage to Selene. Seeing that Ben was Jewish and Selene… Nobody really knew what religion Selene was… Anyway, after much deliberation the happy couple decided to forgo the religious ceremony and have a civil ceremony instead. Kind of like a registry office but on top of the Baxter Building. Sure, getting married at a registry office isn't as romantic or flashy as a church wedding but Ben and Selene couldn't really care less. It was their special day and nobody could stop them pledging their lives to each other.

Selene was presently standing nervously in her room while August (her daughter and maid of honour) and Susan Richards helped her prepare for the upcoming ceremony.

'This is your special day, mom.' August said as she placed her hands on Selene's shoulders and gave them a comforting squeeze. 'From this moment on you and Ben will be part of each other's lives for the rest of your… lives.'

'I'm fully aware of that, August.' Selene sighed. 'That's why I'm so nervous. I've been through so much recently. Being ejected from the Hellfire Club and having all my assets frozen. Meeting and falling in love with Ben. Dying only to be reborn…'

'That would make you an official X-Woman.' Sue quipped. 'Oh wait, your last name isn't Grey. Never mind.'

'Your kind-hearted jokes are welcome, Sue.' Selene smiled kindly. 'But they do little to allay my fears.'

'We'll be fine.' Sue reassured the nervous former immortal. 'Practically anybody who is anybody is here. The X-Men, the Avengers, Matt Murdock, Spider-Man. Okay, most of them know Ben but that doesn't take away the fact that everything will be fine.'

'Famous last words.' Selene sighed reluctantly.

* * *

**Ben's room- **

Elsewhere in the Baxter Building, Reed Richards and Johnny Storm were giving the ever-loving blue-eyed Thing a little pep talk before the big ceremony.

'Fer cryin' out loud…' Ben muttered to himself a she nervously paced the room. 'I ain't ever been this nervous. Pit me against a hoard o' Skrulls or Galactus an' I won't break a sweat, but gettin' hitched? Geez, I'm crappin' my Calvins right here.'

'Every groom feels as you do, Ben.' Reed said as he tried to calm his best friend and teammate down. 'Don't you remember the day Susan and I were married?'

'Wuz that before or after every villain in the Tri-State area decided ter gatecrash?' **(1)** Ben asked.

'Perhaps that was a bad example.' Reed nodded. 'But I was nervous none-the-less. I was about to pledge my life to Sue forever. You don't make these decisions on the spur of the moment. As I'm sure that Johnny and Lyja can tell us.'

Johnny held up his hands in defence.

'Whoa. Whoa. _Whoa! _What's with the picking on me?' Johnny asked. 'Lyja and I just got back together for God's sake. We're just… catching up.'

'Catchin' up with a woman that c'n change her shape.' Ben replied with an evil grin. 'Izzat why Sue found a Scarlet Witch costume in yer wash basket the other day? Or is there somethin' ya wanna tell us?'

'Why would a shapeshifter need a Scarlet Witch costume?' Reed asked as he tapped his chin in thought. 'Surely her powers would account for the necessary uniform changes. That is unless the costume wasn't for her…'

Johnny just shot the pair a glare in reply.

'Less Spanish Inquisition, more getting married, okay? You don't wanna leave the future Mrs Grimm waiting.'

'But I wuz havin' so much fun teasin'.' Ben pouted jokingly.

'Just get going, ya big lug.' Johnny replied as he began to push Ben out the door. 'We can continue with the witty repartee after your honeymoon, okay?'

* * *

**The roof terrace-**

The roof terrace on top of the Baxter Building was full of guests waiting patiently in their seats. Captain America, Iron Man and the rest of the Avengers were there. Professor Xavier, Scott Summers, Jean Grey-Summers and the X-Men were there too. Peter and Mary Jane Parker were there next to Matt Murdock and Natasha Romanoff. Alicia Masters was sat on the front row as she had contributed a vital part to the preparation of the ceremony. She was looking after Franklin and Baby Val while Sue helped Selene backstage.

As well as friends of the Fantastic Four, former team members were there too. She-Hulk was there with the Parkers as she had been employed as Mary Jane's bodyguard until the Parker child was born. Crystal and Pietro Maximoff, Scott Lang and Melissa Gold **(2) **were playing hooky from the West Coast Avengers. Luna Maximoff was there with Cassie Lang as representatives of the Young Avengers. Nate Grey and Kristoff Vernard were acting as their dates.

Ben was patiently, but nervously, waiting for his soon-to-be wife to walk down the aisle. He absentmindedly fiddled with his tuxedo.

'Deep breaths, Ben.' Reed whispered. 'It will all be over soon and then you will be free to go on your honeymoon.'

'Ter think ya offered me the use of yer summer home in the Negative Zone.' Ben snickered. 'Selene's been wantin' ter go ter Rome ever since we set up this shin-dig.'

'Besides…' Johnny added. 'Lyja and me have got that place for the weekend. Y'know, assuming that Annihilus doesn't attack us while we're there.'

Ben, Reed, Johnny and the guests all turned as one as music began to play and Selene walked down the aisle flanked by August, Sue, Lyja and the teenaged version of Val. Val was rather disgruntled as Selene had chosen her to be the flower girl.

'Razzin' frazzin' revoltin' development…' Val groused.

'_Val!'_ Sue hissed. 'Behave.'

Val just rolled her eyes and followed the entourage to the front of the aisle. They stopped beside Ben and the guys.

Ben shot Selene a gentle smile as he took her hand in his and waited for the ceremony to begin.

'Are you both ready?' The registrar asked.

'Yup. I'm good.' Ben nodded.

'Me too.' Selene added.

'Then I'd like to welcome everybody here. Witnesses. Guests. One and all. We are here to witness the union of Benjamin Jacob Grimm to Selene Gallio.'

The registrar motioned to Reed and August.

'Are these two people your chosen witnesses?'

'They are.' Ben and Selene replied.

'Very well.' The registrar nodded. 'Benjamin, please sin your name in the necessary space.'

Ben did as he was told as he took the pen in a giant rocky hand, being careful not to break it. Even though his hands were shaking in nervousness, he still managed to sign his name.

'Selene…' The registrar said. 'Please sign your name in the necessary space.'

Selene took the pen from Ben and was about to sign her name when an unpleasant tingle ran up her spine.

Selene wasn't the only one that sensed this however.

'Spider-Sense… Tingling.'

'Goddess!'

_Snikt!_

'Oh my stars and garters…'

Selene was suddenly knocked off her feet by a rainbow-like streak of energy.

'Aww, isn't this sweet? The witch's got her claws in to a rocky cheese ball.'

'Kid Razor.' Selene said. She knew this moment was coming. It was only inevitable that she would run in to the Kid of Rock and Roll.

'What's the matter, Selene?' Razor asked as he floated in front of her, his eyes glowing in anger. 'You didn't think you'd get away with this, did you?'

'This is a private ceremony, Razor.' Johnny replied angrily. 'You're not welcome here.'

'You gonna stop me, Torchie?' Razor asked 'The Kid of Rock would like to see you try.'

'Johnny. Razor. Please.' Selene begged as she got up off the ground. 'Stop this. It's my wedding day. Can't this at least wait?'

'This has been a long time waiting, witch.' Razor snarled. 'You're gonna pay for what you did to…'

'Oh, that is what this is all about, then?' Selene asked. 'The fact that I killed your friend, Sonic Blue? Okay, I admit that no amount of apologising will take back what I've done. However, other people have found it in their hearts to forgive me. Take August, I've been less than a stellar mother to her but she managed to forgive me. Then there's Amara. I killed her parents but she still forgave me. I have tried to kill Rachel Grey I don't know how many times but she forgave me. I know I don't deserve their forgiveness but they still forgave me. Really Razor, you have to get over this. Haven't you ever heard of redemption? I've died already. In battle with Doctor Doom but Ben brought me back. He brought me back because he loves me. Do you really want to deny Ben the right of marrying the woman that he loves? However, what will happen if you do kill me? Will you be able to defeat everybody here? You may think you're invincible but not even _you_ can defeat everybody here.'

'The Kid of Rock is willing to bet he is.' Razor snarled. 'Who wants it first?'

Scott Summers was the first to step up.

'I know you and I have never seen eye to eye, Razor.' Scott explained. 'But in your heart you're a good guy. You're a hero. Heroes don't kill. Are you willing to have a death eat away at your memory? Can you seriously say that you want to kill Selene?'

Kid Razor faltered a bit. Yes, He was a hero and lived by one of the foremost rules of being a hero. Heroes don't kill.

'This isn't over, Selene.' Razor said a she looked Selene straight in the eye. 'The Kid or Rock isn't finished with you.'

And with that, Kid Razor flew off in a burst of rainbow-like magical energy, leaving a stunned congregation watching after him.

'D-do you wish to continue?' The rather flustered registrar asked.

'Well, seeing that we are already here.' Selene replied as she took the pen in her hand.

* * *

**Later-**

After a quick photograph session, a slap-up buffet dinner especially laid on by Edwin Jarvis, the Avengers' butler it was time for the part of the evening that most of the female members of the congregation were waiting for. The bouquet.

Amongst the competitors for the bouquet were Lyja, Wanda Maximoff, Emma Frost, Natasha Romanoff, Luna Maximoff, Cassie Lang, Paige Guthrie and She-Hulk.

Despite the unfortunate events earlier, Selene couldn't help but smile as she turned her back on the small group of women as the wrestled to get the first shot at the bouquet.

Selene raised her hand in the air and tossed the bouquet over her shoulder.

Being the tallest, She-Hulk was the first to make a grab but found the bouquet ripped out of her hand by a certain auburn-haired teammate.

'_Wanda!'_ Jen gasped. 'I thought we were friends.'

'It's every woman for herself, Jen.' Wanda replied. 'Sorry.'

Unfortunately, this little exchange left Wanda open to attack and Luna was the one that took advantage and snatched the bouquet away.

'Yoink!' Luna giggled as she sped off with the bouquet with the other women in hot pursuit.

'Do you really think this was a good idea, mom?' August asked as she winced at the sight before her.

'I'm surprised that you aren't taking part, dear.' Selene replied. 'Don't you want yourself and Kurt to be…?'

'_Out of my way, bitch!'_ August yelled as she barged past Emma Frost and piled in to the mass of wrestling women.

'Roll on the honeymoon.' Selene sighed.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Honeymoon**

_Selene and Ben's honeymoon to Rome isn't as peaceful as they hoped as they bump in to Diablo. Meanwhile, Lyja has an extra special surprise for Johnny._

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_Doctor Doom used a high-frequency Emotion Charger to lead an army of villains to try and ruin Reed and Sue's wedding in Fantastic Four Annual #3._

**(2)-** _Scott Lang- Ant-Man, Melissa Gold- Songbird._


	19. Honeymoon

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 19: Honeymoon**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Vigatus-** _The brawl for the bouquet may have been clichéd but it's funny non-the-less, right?_

**Needles- **_Being a superhero isn't so bad. Just think of all the hot babes._

**Agent-G- **_I have just the plan to sort out Ben's… problem. What is it? Just you wait and see…_

**Thanks to- **_Sean Malloy-1._

* * *

**Rome, Italy-**

Rome. The capital city of Italy. One of the most romantic cities in the world. Home to such infamous historic landmarks as the Coliseum. Present honeymoon location of two of America's most famous heroes. Well, one hero and his former evil sorceress wife.

Selene stood on the balcony of her hotel room and gazed at the city view beyond. Selene was glad that Ben had chosen Rome as their honeymoon vacation as the city seemed like home to her. Well, it actually _was _home for Selene back when the Roman Empire was around. Oh, what fun Selene had back then. Parties where guests would gorge themselves on rich foods until they vomited. Then ate some more. Then there were the orgies. Even back in her mortal days Selene was renown for her hostess skills. There was more sex at one of her orgies than you could shake a particular sexy stick at. Part of Selene missed that time, the seemingly endless stream of willing boy-toys. Hell, even girl-toys. Selene wasn't choosy. But those times were over. Selene was married. She had pledged herself to one man, and one man only.

Selene looked at the ring on her finger, the diamond glinting in the moonlight.

'If only I knew back then what would happen to me.' Selene thought out loud. 'The almighty Priestess Selene married to somebody like Ben.'

Back in her heyday, Selene usually bypassed the muscle-bound soldier types for the powerful senators. Sleeping with those in power was a sure-fire way to gain power quickly.

'If only those petty fools could see me now.' Selene chuckled to herself. 'I am a member of one of the most powerful families in the world, and I didn't do it for the powers. It was love. Gods, so much has changed.'

'An' that's all fer the better, right?'

Selene spun around with a gasp. Ben was leant against the doorframe with a fuzzy robe tied loosely around him.

Unfortunately for the newly-weds, they were unable to take part in one of the main parts of the honeymoon process to due Ben's unfortunate condition. Making love to a huge pile of rocks would have been quite uncomfortable for Selene back when she was immortal, let alone in her now-mortal state.

'Ben, you should be in bed.' Selene said as she wrapped her flimsy black silken robe around her tighter. 'I was just thinking about old times.'

'All them senators and soldiers ya had yer way with, right?' Ben chuckled.

Selene bit her lip nervously. Selene knew that Ben wanted to give her the full honeymoon package but was unable due to his rocky exterior.

'Those times are over, darling.' Selene said honestly as she looked up into Ben's ever-loving blue eyes. 'When I pledged myself to you, I truly meant it.'

'I believe ya, sweetie, honestly I do.' Ben nodded as he held his wife close. 'It's just… I wanna give ya the whole honeymoon package but I can't cuz o' bein' made outta rock.'

'I'm fine about this Ben, really.' Selene shrugged it off as she took one of Ben's colossal hands in hers and kissed it gently. 'Sex is underrated anyway.'

'Don't let the Matchstick hear ya say that.' Ben chuckled. 'Or he'll do his nut. The kid's frickin' sex mad!'

'Oh, love the poor boy alone.' Selene smiled. 'He and Lyja deserve some time alone, don't you think?'

'I'm just hopin' that the kid's careful.' Ben groaned. 'Can you imagine what would happen if they weren't careful?'

'Johnny knows better than that.' Selene chuckled. 'Doesn't he?'

'Aww, crud.' Ben winced. 'I'm getting' vision o' miniature Torches runnin' about the place.'

'Perish the thought.' Selene shivered.

Ben narrowed his eyes as he noticed some unusual light coming from the Coliseum.

'They ain't scheduled a lightshow without announcin' it, have they?' Ben asked.

'Not that I know of.' Selene answered as she peered at the unusual light. 'And that's no normal light, either. It's magic. I can sense it.'

'Unless Doc Strange is goin' continental, there's only one guy I know can cause junk like that…' Ben groaned.

'Diablo.' Selene nodded.

* * *

**The Baxter Building, meanwhile-**

Back in the home of the fantastic Four, Johnny Storm: the Human Torch, was sitting in front of the rather large plasma TV playing video games. The video game that Johnny happened to be playing was the official Fantastic Four game. Sue had decided to commission said video game to add a little more revenue into Fantastic Four Inc. You can never have too much money, right?

As you would expect, Johnny was playing as himself. He was presently fighting Dr Doom.

'Bah, fool!' The pixellated Doom taunted as he dodged Johnny's move. 'You cannot defeat Doom! Doom is all-powerful!'

'Oh yeah?' Johnny muttered cockily. 'See how you like this, Iron-Britches!'

Johnny tapped out a complicated sequence on the control pad and let rip with a colossal nova blast, sending Doom flying.

'Oh yeah!' Johnny crowed happily. 'Who's the daddy? Bah fool, bitch!'

Unseen by the young hothead, the Skrull woman known as Lyja was stood behind him holding something in her hands.

Lyja looked down at the small device in her hands. Dare she tell Johnny? How would he react? They had hardly had much time own their own since they had gotten back together. What if the news caused their relationship to fall apart? Lyja sighed heavily as she decided to take the plunge and tell Johnny the news she had.

'Johnny…' Lyja began. 'Can I talk to you for a moment?'

Johnny just grunted in reply.

'Johnny, please.' Lyja begged. 'This is important.'

'Ha! Who's ya daddy, bitch?' Johnny crowed at the video game again, not hearing a single word Lyja said.

Lyja took a deep breath. This was it. Now or never.

'Johnny… I'm pregnant…'

Johnny sure heard that as his eyes snapped wide open.

'Surprise?' Lyja grinned sheepishly.

Johnny didn't reply as his eyes rolled back into his head as he collapsed to the floor.

'Game over.' The video game chimed.

* * *

**Back in Rome-**

Ben and Selene had changed into their Fantastic Four uniforms and had headed over to the Coliseum to see if the man known as Diablo was behind the strange lights that had appeared.

Unusually, the people that milled about outside the infamous structure didn't seem to notice a thing. It was almost as if there was some kind of spell keeping somebody unseen.

'There are heavy magicks emanating from this structure.' Selene explained. 'I can feel it in my bones.'

'It wuz only a matter o' time before me met this jackass again.' Ben whispered. 'No matter how many times this dork fights us, he always ends up gettin' his butt whipped.'

'Alchemy?' Selene snorted in derision. '_Please._ That is one of the basest forms of magic. I mastered alchemy before I reached puberty!'

'How about we give Diablo a taste of his own medicine?' Ben chuckled evilly.

'Way ahead of you, darling.' Selene smirked as flames began to surround her hands. 'Diablo! Prepare yourself!'

Diablo barely had time to turn around before he was knocked off his feet by a colossal fireball.

'Who dares?' Diablo hissed in a heavy Spanish accent. 'I am Diablo: Master of Alchemy! Nobody can defeat me! I command the very elements!'

'Heard it all before.' Selene sighed as she strode into the Coliseum assuredly. 'Now, prepare to face a true mistress of the black arts!'

Selene muttered a quick incantation before zipping towards Diablo with magical super-speed, readying herself to knock his head off.

Unfortunately for Selene, she never made it as her feet began to sink into the ground.

'You claim to be a mistress of the Black Arts?' Diablo snorted. 'Please, you cannot even defeat my Earth Elemental.'

'I'm not just a mistress of the Dark Arts, Diablo.' Selene hissed. 'I am also a mutant. A mutant with the ability to animate unliving materials. Observe…'

Diablo gaped in shock as the ground around Selene began to warp and bend as a flight of stairs appeared around her as she stepped out of the ground.

'Now, about this Elemental…' Selene smirked as tendrils of black energy began to coalesce around her hand. 'Who do you think will win this fight, Elemental? Your Master, a puny alchemist, or me, the Almighty Priestess Selene: Mistress of the Black Arts?'

The Earth Elemental seemed to consider this for a moment, its rocky form shifting in thought.

'_Mistressss…_' The Elemental hissed as it bowed its head towards Selene. '_You are the_ _true one. Diablo issss jusssst an imposssster…_'

'Good boy.' Selene grinned as the black energy around her hands began to grow. 'Now Diablo, shall we start this fight proper. And don't even try to send your Homunculi against me. I will turn them to dust. Another part of my mutant power. The ability to drain the life force from others. Even the little spark of life contained in your slaves.'

'You will pay _dearly_ for this, woman.' Diablo sneered. 'Many have tried to beat me. Just as many have died trying.'

'Strong words.' Selene sniffed. 'Do you have the skills to match your posturing?'

Diablo just narrowed his eyes and threw a vial of something at Selene.

Selene was ready for this however, as she used the black energy swirling around her to form a shield. Unfortunately, the vial ricocheted off the shield and headed for Ben and the Homunculi he was fighting.

'Ben! Watch out!' Selene screamed.

But her pleas came to late as the vial exploded, causing masonry to fall all around Ben and the Homunculi.

* * *

**Back at the Baxter Building- **

Johnny woke up with a groan.

'Oh God, what happened…?' He groaned. 'The last thing I remember… I was playing video games… Lyja came in… Said she had something important to say… Said she was pregnant… Oy. Please tell me this was a bad dream.'

'I am afraid that you are awake, Johnny.' Reed replied. 'You are fully conscious and Lyja is indeed pregnant.'

'How…? Wha…? Huh…?' Johnny sputtered.

'Oh come now, Johnny.' Sue chuckled. 'I'm sure you're old enough to know about the birds and the bees.'

'I know _how_ it happened.' Johnny replied, his brain barely beginning to understand the sudden turn of events. 'But… how? I thought humans and Skrulls couldn't reproduce together.'

'Nature found a way, I guess.' Sue shrugged. 'Reed, any suggestions?'

'None that I can say without making further tests.' Reed shook his head. The stretchy scientist's face then formed a smile. 'But first I believe a hearty congratulations is in order.'

'Just one more thing…' Johnny realized as he turned to Lyja. 'That thing in your hand… It's a pregnancy test, right?'

'Yes.' Lyja replied.

'A _human_ pregnancy test.' Johnny continued. 'Surely that doesn't work the same way on Skrulls.'

'That's precisely why I asked Reed to make one for me.' Lyja explained. 'When my monthly visitor was late, I knew that there could only be one possibility. I knew that regular pregnancy tests wouldn't work on a Skrull so I asked Reed to make me one.'

'This… This is too much for me to take in…' Johnny winced as he rubbed his head. 'I-I'm going to be… a-a _father?_'

'Yes.' Reed answered with a big grin. 'Congratulations!'

Johnny barely noticed the pat on the back that Reed gave him.

'No. This can't be right… This _can't_ be right! I'm Johnny Storm. _Johnny Storm!_ I don't _do_ responsibility! W-what about my fans? The legion of fangirls! They'll be baying for blood! Oh crap…'

'Oh come on…' Sue laughed as she sat down beside her younger brother. 'Being a father isn't so bad. Just look at Reed. He's a brilliant father.'

'Yeah, that's cuz he was born responsible.' Johnny countered. 'I don't even know the _meaning_ of the word!'

Then it was Lyja's turn to comfort him.

'Johnny. Sweetie…' The Skrull woman said calmly. 'I know this is a lot to take on board at once but… It's for the best. Really. Just think, if the baby is a boy, you can teach to all about cars and stuff. You love cars, right?'

'Yeah.' Johnny nodded, a small smile beginning to appear on his face. 'Yeah. I guess you're right. Perhaps I could teach him to drive.'

'Let's not push our luck, okay sweetie?' Lyja asked as he gave Johnny a quick hug. 'One day at a time.'

'Man…' Johnny breathed. 'If all this is happening to me, I'd hate to think what Ben is getting up to…'

* * *

**Rome-**

'_BEN! NOOOO!_' Selene howled in horror and rage. 'You monster! You will pay for that!'

Diablo was too busy laughing at Selene's pain to see the black energy tendrils coursing around the woman's body swoop toward shim. The tendrils wrapped around his limbs, binding him tight. Diablo tried to utter an incantation but another tendril wrapped itself around his face, stopping him from saying anything.

'I should squeeze you until your bones turn to mush.' Selene hissed, her eyes glowing an ominous white. 'I _should _sacrifice your soul to Mephisto and all his pointy elves. But you sold your soul centuries ago, didn't you? No matter. I will send you where you will learn the error of your ways. Goodbye Diablo. Don't go away angry… just go away.'

And with that, Selene transported the evil alchemist away.

Selene then ran to the pile of rubble that had fallen on Ben.

'Oh Ben come on…' Selene encouraged, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. 'Please. Speak to me. We've just got married. It can't end like this. Not now…'

'Hey, don't get yerself upset just over a pile o' rocks.' A muffled voice grunted. 'I ain't no weakling, ya know…'

Selene stood back as Ben forced his way out of the debris.

'Oh Gods!' Selene sobbed as she grabbed Ben in a huge hug. 'I thought I'd lost you…'

'Nah. Of course you ain't lost me.' Ben grinned as he returned the hug. 'I guess I'm just too stubborn and dumb to die.'

Selene stepped back as she felt Ben's rocky skin tingle.

'Ben. W-what's happening?'

Ben looked down at himself. The orange rocks that made up his rocky hide seemed to be transforming. Transforming into regular human skin.

'Holy crap.' Ben breathed. 'I'm normal. I'm Ben Grimm again!'

'You know what this means, don't you?' Selene smirked, as she looked her husband up and down, like how a cat would look at a bird.

'Stretcho's gonna wanna run a whole loada tests on me?' Ben responded.

'No…' Selene purred as she stepped up to Ben and ran her hand down his naked chest. 'How about we do what newly-weds are supposed to do?'

Ben's mouth formed a small 'o' of surprise.

'Oh.' Ben blinked. 'That.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

And just where did Selene send Diablo, I hear you ask? Well, what could be an alchemist's worst nightmare? A medieval Spanish alchemist at that. Yes, the Spanish Inquisition.

Diablo struggled against his shackles but found his powers had somehow disappeared.

'Your inhuman powers will not save you now, Esteban Corazan del Diablo.' The High Inquisitor proclaimed as he picked up a red-hot poker. 'Your time has come, Diablo. God has judged you guilty of being a sinner. A crime that is punishable by death.'

'Curse you!' Diablo spat. 'You will all _pay_ for this!'

'Strong words for a sinner about to meet his maker.' The Inquisitor chuckled. 'And not unexpected. Unlike us, however. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Mighty Morphing Power Skrull**

_Just when the Fantastic Four thought it would be safe to celebrate that Johnny and Lyja are having a baby, who choose to drop in? That's right, Lyja's ex, Paibok the Power Skrull!_


	20. One Man and His Skrull

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 20: One Man and His Skrull**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**

* * *

Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_Heh-heh. I can see what you mean. I think the whole URM-verse must be pregnant. It seems like somebody is pregnant on every team. I've never read the MC2 comics so I wouldn't know the name of Lyja and Johnny's child there._

**Vigatus- **_I was thinking of mostly shapeshifting and fire powers for Lyja and Johnny's child._

**Sean Malloy-1- **_Yes, Ben can indeed change back and forth between his human and Thing forms now._

**Agent-G- **_Diablo isn't exactly A-List. He's in no way on par with Dr Doom or Galactus. Now that Ben can change back to normal, I think that he and Selene will catch up on lost time, don't you? To be honest, I only had the Spanish Inquisition appear at the end so I could use the Monty Python joke. After all, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. You want fluff? I hope you're not allergic to sugar, cuz here we go…_

**Marco cabrera- **_It's nice to see that somebody agrees with me on the Razor and Selene front. Magma, August and Rachel Grey all had their issues with Selene and forgave her, so why not him? Yes, Ben can transform back to normal now. Which will be pretty handy for a newly wed, huh?_

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_I'm sorry to change my plans again but I have decided to put the action on the back burner for a while and focus on fluffy goodness for a while. If you don't like it, I'm afraid that there's nothing that I can do with it. The URM-Verse is my Universe and I reserve the right to change anything at the last moment. With that said, enjoy the story!_

* * *

**Quote of the day: **_'Would you mind not farting while I'm trying to save the world?'_**

* * *

The Baxter Building-**

All was quiet in the home of the Fantastic Four. Everybody was in bed. Reed and Sue were snuggled up to each other, as were Johnny and Lyja. Franklin and Baby Val were snoozing away peacefully in their beds too. Ben was snoring peacefully on the sofa.

Ever since Ben had returned from his honeymoon to Rome with Selene, he had been able to switch back and forth from his human and Thing forms at will. This was due to a mix of Selene's dark magicks and one of Diablo's magic potions. Reed had tried to ascertain the cause of Ben's change, but magic not being his forte, was unable to find a satisfactory explanation. Ben was just happy that he could now treat his wife to the complete newlywed package. And as such, the pair was rarely out of the bedroom. Sue explained it all down to catching up on lost time.

A shadow fell over Ben's face as somebody tickled his nose with a feather duster. Ben snorted in his sleep and unconsciously swatted it away. This only made the mystery visitor more adventurous in their teasing.

Ben snorted once more as he swatted unconsciously at the errant duster.

The mystery visitor decided upon one last try with the feather duster.

Ben swatted at the duster, accidentally spreading shaving foam all across his face.

The mystery visitor, Ben's new wife Selene, put her hand over her mouth to conceal her laugh.

Ben slowly woke up with a mumble and looked at his foam-covered hand.

'Huh? Whuzzah?' Ben mumbled sleepily as he wiped some foam off his face. That soon snapped him awake. Selene quickly used her magicks to cloak herself in shadows.

'_JOHNNY!_' Ben bellowed as he stormed out of the room.

Selene unveiled herself and doubled over with laughter.

'_BWA-HA-HAAAA!_' Selene laughed. 'I cannot believe that worked so well! I would hate to be in Johnny's shoes right about now.'

Selene winced as she heard sounds of a struggle coming form Johnny and Lyja's room.

'Don't gimmie _that _crap, Match Stick!' Ben yelled, now transformed into his rocky Thing form due to his anger. 'I know ya sprayed all this gunk on me! It's classic Johnny Storm!'

'Aww, go make a rockery.' Johnny retorted. 'The old shaving foam gag is so cliché.'

'Johnny was in bed with me the entire time, honest.' Lyja stuck up for her man.

'Ya don't have to stick up fer yer man, Lyja.' Ben said. 'I know ya love him, but he's gonna get his fer prankin' me again.'

'Read my lips…' Johnny growled as he looked up at his rocky teammate's face. 'I. Did. Not. Prank. You.'

'There's no use denyin' it, Bic Head.' Ben sneered. 'I know ya did it and I'm gonna get you back for it!'

'Will you two _please_ shut up!' Sue yelled from her room. 'Don't make me come out there and pummel your asses!'

'Sue, please mind your language.' Reed said evenly. 'You might wake the children.'

Sue just cursed under her breath and shoved her head under the pillow.

Selene decided to make a hasty getaway as she teleported into her room. She would tell Ben about the real culprit at breakfast tomorrow. Maybe.

* * *

**The next morning-**

It was breakfast time and the Fantastic Four were gathered around the breakfast table. Well, everybody except Johnny and Lyja. Johnny was sulking on the sofa.

'Aww. C'mon Johnny…' Lyja begged as she brought a spoonful of Sugar Bombs up to her lover's mouth. 'You have to eat something.'

Lyja then moved the spoon around and made airplane noises.

'_Vrrrrrrr…_ Here comes the airplane. Open up the hangar for landing.'

'Don't wanna…' Johnny pouted.

Over by the breakfast table, Sue leant over and whispered to Selene.

'That prank last night. That was you, wasn't it?' Sue whispered.

'Maybe…' Selene whispered back coyly.

'Don't you think you should tell Ben who _really_ pranked him?' Sue asked.

'But watching Johnny squirm is so much fun.' Selene chuckled slightly.

'Okay, perhaps it is pretty funny.' Sue nodded. 'But I don't think it would be great to have the baby grow up with its father ties in knots, do you?'

'Okay, you've twisted my arm.' Selene sighed. 'Damn this newfound morality.'

Sue just shook her head with a kind-hearted chuckle as she walked over to the sofa and handed Lyja a bowl of Sugar Bombs and the remains of last night's Chinese takeout.

'I know that pregnant women have strange cravings…' Sue said as she handed Lyja the bowl. 'Heck, I craved cookie dough ice-cream and Gorgonzola when I was expecting Franklin and Val. But… Sugar Bombs and day-old chow mein? That's a case of food poisoning waiting to happen.'

'Don't worry, Sue.' Lyja chuckled as she shovelled noodles and artificially flavoured cereal products into her mouth. 'Skrulls are a hardy species. We can eat practically anything. Apart from Johnny's cooking of course.'

'_Hey!_ Sitting right here!' Johnny glared.

'Johnny, I love you…' Lyja said sympathetically. 'But… your cooking sucks. Really. I'm surprised that you haven't killed us all already.'

'I don't get any respect around here.' Johnny sulked. 'But one of these days I'll show you. I'll show you all! _BWA-HA-HAAA!_'

Lyja quickly moved Johnny's breakfast away from him.

'I think that's enough sugar for you, dear.' The pregnant Skrull shook her head.

'Hmm…' Reed stroked his chin as he fed Baby Val. 'Johnny's change of attitude after the consumption of copious amounts of sugar. I must research this further…'

'Johnny's just hyperactive, darling.' Sue tutted as she took a seat beside her husband. 'There's nothing new about it.'

'Yeah.' Ben piped up. 'The Match Stick could never handle his sugar. The same with his beer. Give him one tiny sniff o' beer an' he's on the floor, paralytic.'

'Bite me, Grimm.' Johnny retorted from the couch.

'Isn't that Selene's job?' Sue snickered.

'Who told you?' Ben sputtered.

'Told us what, Ben?' Reed asked.

'Nothing…' Ben replied, his eyes darting about nervously. 'Selene isn't a biter. No-siree Bob…'

'Oh, just wait until Spider-Man hears about this…' Johnny chuckled evilly as he got to his feet. 'You are _so _going to be Enquirer front page material!'

'Don't you dare blab, Match Stick.' Ben growled, his rocky orange hide beginning to appear.

'Flame On!' Johnny bellowed as he burst into flames and flew out of the window.

'Get yer flamin' butt back here!' Ben yelled out the window.

'Hey Ben, nice jammies.' A mechanised voice snickered. It was Iron Man. He had decided to pay the Fantastic Four a visit to discuss the sale of more unstable molecular material for some new Avengers uniforms.

'Little yellow duckies, very cute.' Iron Man snickered. 'Your wife must _love_ those.'

'Aww, shaddup.' Ben sulked as he walked back inside.

* * *

**Later that day-**

Johnny was now fully dressed and was walking along the streets of Manhattan. He had decided to use the relative peace and quiet to go buy something extra special for the mother of his child. Reed and Ben had taken Lyja down to Central Park with Franklin and Baby Val while Sue and Selene prepared a surprise baby shower.

Johnny stopped outside the window of a jewellery shop and peered in at the selection of rings.

'I'll show everybody just how responsible I can be…' Johnny muttered to himself. 'Oh yeah, I'll show them. Say goodbye to Hot-headed Hyperactive Johnny, say hello to Responsible Johnny!'

Johnny walked into the jewellery store with a determined frown. He made his way to the rings and chose a suitably shiny one. He then took it to the counter and paid for it.

Once Johnny had paid he popped the black velvet case and admired his purchase.

'Oh yeah, Lyja is gonna love this!' Johnny grinned to himself. 'This'll take Ben down a peg or two. I'll show him how damn responsible I can be.'

Johnny was so enamoured in the ring that he didn't notice two figures until he was too late. Johnny collided with the two figures with a yell.

'Merde!'

'Oh my stars and garters!'

Johnny glared at the two figures, not realizing who they were.

'Just watch where you're go… Gambit? What're you doing here?'

'De same t'ing dat you're doin' by de look o' t'ings.' The Cajun mutant replied.

'I must say, that is one striking engagement ring, Mr Storm.' Gambit's bulky well-dressed companion nodded. 'I take it you have finally decided to ask Lyja to join you in holy matrimony?'

Johnny blinked in confusion at the well-dressed stranger until he realized who it was. The well-dressed stranger was the feline X-Man known as Beast, but using an image inducer to hide his fuzzy blue appearance.

'Don't tell me you're gonna pop the question too, Beast.' Johnny blinked.

'It seems as if Mr LeBeau and myself are in the same boat as you, Johnny.' Beast commented. 'Our respective other halves are with child and we wish to make honest women of them, correct?'

'Callin' Frosty an honest woman is kind of exaggeratin', don'cha t'ink, mon frere?' Gambit quipped.

'So says the guy dating a former member of the Brotherhood.' Johnny piped up.

'Touché, Monsieur Torch.' Gambit rolled his eyes.

'We cannot linger any longer chatting, I am afraid.' Beast sighed. 'Gambit and I must also select suitable engagement rings for Emma and Rogue.'

'I'm already expecting an invite to the wedding.' Johnny nodded. 'Let's just hope that it won't be as eventful as the Havok/Polaris thing, huh?'

'We X-Men always know how to throw a great soirée, do we not, Gambit?' Beast chuckled.

'We sure do, Hank.' Gambit nodded. 'Let's just hope dat Johnny's weddin' don' get interrupted like de last Fantastic Weddin'.'

'Oh great, now you've gone and jinxed it.' Johnny sighed. 'Now I bet Dr Doom is gonna invade or something.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Tomb of Apocalypse**

_Johnny stays home with Lyja while Reed and the others are called away to Egypt to help with the excavation of a newly discovered tomb. Could it be the final resting place of the X-Men's oldest foe? Tune in next time to find out…_


	21. The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 1

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 21: The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?'_

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

It was a quiet day in the home of the Fantastic Four. Galactus hadn't popped in for lunch, and the Wizard and his Frightful Four had enough sense to stay in prison. Dr Doom was still dead, and the Mole Man had stayed at home. God, Johnny Storm was bored.

Lyja, Johnny's Skrull girlfriend, and the mother of his unborn daughter, snuggled up closer to him on the couch.

'Something bothering you, babe?' Lyja asked with some concern. 'I'm sorry that I don't have a sparkling wit, but y'know… pregnant.'

'I'm sure you're full of wit, honey.' Johnny smiled as he kissed Lyja on the top of her head. 'You're so full of wit that you're the wittiest person that I've ever known. You're one great big bag of wit.'

'I'm so glad that I heard you clearly there, Bic Head.' Lyja chuckled. 'Because if I even misheard one little letter… I would have had to kick your ass.'

'And we don't want that, do we?' Johnny responded. 'I don't think I could take that kind of hurt.'

'Damn straight.' Lyja nodded. 'You're talking to the five-time Shi'Ar Pit-Fighting Champion here.'

'Oy vey…' Johnny mock-groaned. 'What've I got myself in to now…?'

Elsewhere in the Baxter Building, Reed Richards was making a conference call with Nick Fury and the mutant wannabe Messiah known as Cable.

'I must warn you that an expedition of this magnitude will be wrought with danger.' Cable warned.

'Yer just saying that because it's an expedition to yer nemesis' last resting place.' Fury rolled his good eye.

'Now Colonel, let's not come to blows over this…' Reed said as he tried to calm everything down. 'And Cable, you have my solemn oath that my family and I will not charge in to this like some team of gung-ho heroes.'

'Like yer old team, X-Force.' Fury snickered.

'Or like the Howling Commandos.' Cable retorted.

Reed just rubbed the bridge of his nose. Perhaps agreeing to this expedition wasn't such a good idea after all…

* * *

**Later-**

Reed had gathered Sue, Ben and Selene in his lab as he explained the reasons for the day's expedition.

'Ooh, Egypt…' Selene rubbed her hands in glee. 'That always was a favourite holiday destination of mine.'

'I am afraid that we will not have much time for sight-seeing, Selene.' Reed explained. 'Nick Fury needs us at the dig sight as soon a possible.'

'Oh well, perhaps afterwards then.' Selene shrugged.

'That's if we survive this little shindig at all.' Ben piped up. 'We always get into trouble whenever we go to Egypt. Getting' kidnapped by some futuristic pharaoh, undead Nazi zombies…'

'It's just a visit to an archaeological dig, Ben.' Sue rolled her eyes. 'Where is this dig anyway?'

'It's the tomb of En Sabah Nur…' Reed replied. 'Otherwise known as…'

'Oh Gods…' Selene groaned. 'Some people never have the common decency to stay dead…'

'This En Sabah Whoozit…' Ben scratched his head. 'He wouldn't happen to be some ancient big bad, would he? Some kind of X-Related big bad?'

'En Sabah Nur…' Sue tapped her chin in thought. 'En Sabah Nur… Where have I heard that name before?'

Then it dawned on her…

'Oh Reed, as far as crazy expeditions go, this is one fo the craziest! Apocalypse is one of the X-Men's oldest and most deadliest villains, and you want us to go explore his tomb? Have you gone insane?'

'Susan, En Sabah Nur is dead…' Reed reassured everybody calmly. 'I highly doubt that we will be in any danger. Besides, we will have a contingent of SHIELD agents with us should anything go wrong.'

'Yeah, like the guy's gonna stay dead.' Ben rolled his eyes. 'How many times has Doom died and come back?'

'I have accepted Fury's offer anyway.' Reed sighed. 'We depart in the morning.'

Ben shook his head in reluctance.

'I've got a bad feeling about this…'

* * *

**The next day-**

The Fantastic Four had gathered on the roof of the Baxter Building where a SHIELD hovercraft was waiting to take them to Egypt. Johnny was staying home to look after Lyja while Selene took his place on the team.

'Wow. This is it.' Selene gushed excitedly. 'My first official mission with the Fantastic Four.'

Ben hugged his wife close and kissed her on the top of her head. Ben had changed back into his rocky Thing form for the mission. There was no telling what sort of booby traps they would run in to in Apocalypse's tomb.

'You excited then, hon?' Ben smiled.

'Pretty much.' Selene nodded. 'I'm not so sure about the uniform though.'

Ben looked at the regular blue-and-white uniform that all members of the Fantastic Four wore.

'Okay, perhaps blue ain't yer best colour…' Ben admitted. 'But you'll be glad fer unstable molecules when we're knee-deep in poisonous snakes and killer scarab beetles.'

'You always were a breath of optimistic air.' Selene rolled her eyes.

Nearby, Sue was leaving instructions with Johnny.

'Now, Franklin and Val are staying with Alicia for the moment…' The Invisible Woman explained. 'But Alicia has an art show in a few days, so you will have to look after them for then.'

'Hey, no big, sis.' Johnny shrugged self-assuredly. 'What's the worst that can happen?'

'With the Fantastic Four, who knows?' Lyja answered for Sue. 'Have fun on your expedition, Sue.' The Skrull smiled as she gave her future sister-in-law a big hug. 'I'll take good care of your brother.'

'You make sure you do, Lyja.' Sue smiled back. 'And don't you go giving birth while we're away.'

Lyja held her hands up in defence.

'Hey, that kind of stuff is out of my control…' The Skrull smiled. 'if the baby wants to be born, I doubt any power on this earth will stop it.'

'I guess we'd better get this expedition over and done with before you drop then.' Sue chuckled as she gave everybody one last hug.

Johnny and Lyja watched as Sue and the others stepped into the SHIELD hovercraft.

'I feel so guilty for making you stay here with me, Johnny…' Lyja sighed apologetically. 'I just know that you're itching to go with them.'

'Go on some boring old dig with Reed?' Johnny snorted. 'I don't think so. I bet that all there is to see are some dusty old mummies and rusty old ornaments. My family comes first, no matter what.'

Lyja smiled at her partner's newfound responsibility.

'Who are you and what have you done with the real Johnny Storm?' Lyja teased.

'Oh, hardy-har-har.' Johnny rolled his eyes. 'You slay me sometimes, you know that?'

Lyja just shook her head with a kind-hearted chuckle.

'C'mon babe, let's go inside.' Lyja said as she began to lead Johnny back into the Baxter Building. 'My cravings've flared up, and I wanna see whether we've got any more peanut butter.'

'Just tell me that you're not going to spread that stuff on bacon.' Johnny shivered. 'I don't think I'd be able to take another sight like _that _breakfast.'

Lyja swatted at her partner with a mock frown.

'You humans have no taste.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 2**

_The Fantastic Four come up against hords of snakes and giant killer scarabs in Egypt. Meanwhile, back in New York, Lyja goes into labour. With the cosmic radiation from Johnny's DNA threatening to kill both mother and child, Johnny must form an auxiliary FF to travel to the Negative Zone to find a way to save her! Dr Strange, Spider-Man, She-Hulk and the Sub-Mariner guest star!_


	22. The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 2

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 22: The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Egypt-**

In the skies above Egypt, the Fantastic Four were onboard a helicopter heading for a fascinating archaeological find. A SHIELD archaeological team had uncovered the tomb of En Sabah Nur, the world's very first mutant. Those SHIELD archaeologists didn't seem to care that En Sabah Nur was most commonly known as Apocalypse, one of the X-Men's oldest (literally) and most deadly enemies. No good could come of opening his tomb, but the SHIELD guys went and did it anyway.

Selene peered out of the window and smiled nostalgically.

'Gods, I haven't been to Egypt in ages.' The former Black Queen of the Hellfire Club sighed nostalgically. 'Why, this place was ancient even when I was a child!'

'I just hope that we don't bump into any zombie skeletons or mummies.' Ben shuddered. 'Those things give me the wiggins.'

'Oh, you're not scared of the undead are you, darling?' Selene chuckled. 'Why, I'd bet thet they are more scared of you.'

'You tell me that when they're chowin' down on yer brains, babe.' Ben retorted.

'Now, you two…' Reed frowned slightly as he stretched his neck to look back at his two fellows. 'Colonel Fury has assured me that this tomb is quite safe and zombie-free.'

'Yeah. Cuz SHIELD has been **_ever_** so trustworthy in the past, Stretcho.' Ben snorted.

'Ben is right, darling.' Sue pointed out. 'Why else do you think Fury has called us here? He wants us to spring any booby-traps that Apocalypse might have laid to deter tomb robbers.'

Reed tapped his chin in thought.

'Hmm, perhaps you are correct. But that will not deter me from finding out what wonders reside within this tomb!'

'Whoa there, Dr Jones!' **(1) **Ben held up his hands. 'Before you get us all trapped in a huge pit o' deadly snakes, why don't we think of a plan?'

'I prefer to think things up spontaneously in matters such as these.' Reed explained.

Ben just held his head in his hands.

'Oy. We're snake-bait. I just know it.'

'Uch. Snakes.' Selene shivered in disgust. 'Why did it have to be snakes?' **(2)**

* * *

**Back at the Baxter Building-**

Meanwhile, back at the home of the Fantastic Four, Johnny was playing the part of the doting father-to-be. He was waiting on Lyja's every need. The young Skrull female only needed to call and Johnny would come running.

Johnny flopped down on to the couch with a heavy sigh.

'I'm just gonna sit down here for a bit…' The hot-headed hero groaned. 'Wake me up in the summer.'

'Johnny, could I have another refill?' Lyja called as she waved her empty glass. 'Could I have another OJ, please?'

Lyja frowned slightly at the lack of response from her boyfriend.

'Johnny… Are you awake?'

'Fuzzy blue demons eat my socks in Brighton…' Johnny mumbled in his sleep.

'I guess I'll have to get my own juice.' Lyja sniffed as she stood up with a grunt. 'You humans are such weak creatures.'

Lyja had barely reached the kitchen when a jolt of pain shot through her, making her drop the glass, smashing it to pieces on the floor.

'_Oh!_' Lyja gasped as she put her hand to her stomach. She didn't need to be a scientist to know what was happening. 'Johnny…'

Johnny came running at the sound of breaking glass.

'Lyja! What's up?' Johnny asked concernedly as he carefully helped Lyja to her feet.

'I-I-I think it has started…' Lyja gritted her teeth through the pain. 'The baby… it's coming!'

'I'll call a doctor!' Johnny exclaimed as he looked about in a panic. 'Where's that damn phone?'

'Johnny…' Lyja moaned. 'Don't leave me… _Ahhh!_'

Luckily, Johnny had soon found the phone. He dashed back to Lyja's side.

'Just when Reed had to go off to Egypt…' Johnny muttered as he hurriedly dialed. 'I just hope that this guy does house calls…'

* * *

**Egypt-**

Reed, Sue, Ben, and Selene carefully snuck through the ancient corridors of Apocalypse's tomb. Fortunately, the only danger that they had to face so far was the danger of being suffocated by the immense amount of cobwebs hanging about. It seemed that Ben's fears were unfounded.

'Okay, okay. I wuz wrong.' Ben rolled his eyes. 'Perhaps this place ain't as dangerous as I first thought.'

Unfortunately, Ben had unknowingly stepped on a hidden switch in the floor. There was a brief whistling sound before a giant axe swung down from the ceiling above them.

'Ben! Be careful!' Sue yelled in warning.

'Aww, don't sweat done, Suzie.' Ben snorted as he easily caught the axe in one rocky mitt, instantly stopping its descent. 'One little axe ain't gonna do me no damage.'

'Let's move on, shall we?' Selene tried to usher everybody along. 'It seems that Reed has carried on without us.'

'_Ooh!_' Sue fumed. 'That man is _so_ dead when we get home! If he's got himself killed…'

'There's no need to be so pessimistic, Susan…'

Sue let out a shriek of surprise and almost jumped out of her skin.

'Doctor Reed Richards, how _dare_ you give me such a fright!' Sue glowered at her stretchy husband. 'You should know better than do something like that in a place like this!'

'My sincerest apologies, Susan.' Reed nodded in apology. 'But I have seen something that you might find very interesting…'

'Is it snakes?' Selene asked. 'Because, if it is, I am not going in there. I _hate _snakes!'

'There are no snakes in this chamber, Selene.' Reed shook his head. 'Now, if you would care to join me?'

The rest of the Fantastic Four followed Reed's receding stretchy form as he disappeared down the corridor. They eventually came to another chamber with many hieroglyphics on the walls.

'Oh great, you brought us to see some ancient graffiti.' Ben sighed. 'That's just great.'

'This isn't graffiti, Ben.' Selene snorted, amazed that her husband could be so ignorant. 'These are hieroglyphics!'

'I knew that…' Ben replied, his eyes darting about nervously.

'My ancient Egyptian is a little rusty, but I should be able to decipher these…' Selene mumbled as she bent down to examine the markings on the walls.

'Well, I'll just pull up a pew and wait for ya to do ya thing, then.' Ben sighed as he leant against the wall.

Unfortunately, Ben's arm pressed against a stone carving and pressed a hidden switch. Ben stood upright at the sound of grinding stone.

'I didn't touch nuthin'!' **(3) **He quickly blurted.

The four heroes all looked around as the four giant jackal-headed stone statues began to come to life.

'Well, it looks like Ben _was_ right to have a bad feeling about this…' Sue pointed out as the four stone warriors held their swords in readiness.

'Yes, we shall all talk about this once we arrive home…' Reed sighed. 'Perhaps I shouldn't have accepted Fury's offer in the first place.'

'Now ain't the time fer regrets, Stretcho.' Ben remarked. 'But I'll tell ya what it is time for… _IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!_'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 3**

_Reed, Sue, Ben, and Selene take on the Anubis Warriors in Apocalypse's tomb, while Johnny has to form an interim Fantastic Four to travel to the Negative Zone in order to save Lyja. _

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Aww c'mon, how long do you think it would be until I started to crack the Indiana Jones jokes?_

**(2)- **_Again with the Indiana Jones jokes. In case you don't know, Indy was afraid of snakes._

**(3)- **_Yup, more Indiana Jones jokes. This is a reference to Short Round's line in 'Temple of Doom'. He had just activated the ceiling with spikes thingie._


	23. The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 3

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 23: The Tomb of Apocalypse- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Tomb of En Sabah Nur, Egypt-**

'Now, this is my kinda fun!' The Ever-Loving Blue-Eyed Thing crowed as he punched a great big hole in one of the giant stone Anubis Warriors.

'I feel the same way, darling.' Selene agreed as she followed her husband and punched a hole in another stone warrior.

'We cannot stay around here fighting these stone warriors.' Reed reminded everybody as he stretched out of the way of a sword blow from one of the stone warriors. 'We are here on an assignment, remember? Fury wants us to explore this tomb, not stand around fighting stone guards.'

'Oh, let Ben and Selene have their fun, dear.' Sue chuckled as she decapitated yet another stone warrior with an invisible force field. 'Things have been quiet recently. We haven't even had to repel the Mole Man's latest attack on the surface.'

'Yeah, give us a break, Stretcho.' Ben agreed as he snatched one stone warrior's sword away and deftly cleaved its owner in half. 'Who knows when we'll next get to kick some butt?'

'Very well.' Reed sighed. 'Have you fun while you can. I for one plan on exploring this tomb further.'

'No offence, Susan...' Selene piped up. 'But your husband can be very single-minded sometimes.'

'And I know one sure-fire way to snap him out of it, as well.' Sue smirked. 'I just mention Namor.'

Reed stretched his head around the corner with a frown.

'I heard that!'

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Johnny was back home in the Baxter Building with Lyja. The Skrull woman had just gone into labour, and Johnny had called on a doctor. That doctor was Stephen Strange. While Strange was no means familiar with the Skrull lifecycle, but he had been at hand for many other superheroes that needed his help during childbirth.

Dr Strange turned away from Lyja and sighed heavily.

'I am sorry, Jonathan...' Strange shook his head. 'But this is not in my field of expertise. I know next to nothing about the Skrull lifecycle.'

'But there has to be something that you can do, Doc!' Johnny begged. 'Please! You're a doctor! Think about your Hippopotamus Oath!'

'It's _Hippocratic Oath_, Jonathan.' Strange corrected. 'And the only thing that I can do for know is lighten Lyja's pain with a small spell. It won't be much, but it will make her childbirth easier.'

'Ahh! Just do it!' Lyja hissed through the pain. 'Speak the spell, dammit!'

Johnny took his fiancée's hand in his and tried to calm her.

'Lyja, babe, you have to calm down. It's not helping the baby.'

'Don't you tell me what to do!' Lyja yelled, becoming slightly crazed with pain. 'I'm the one doing all the damn work!'

Johnny looked back to Dr Strange.

'Please, Doc. Do your stuff. Anything to make this less painful would be great. I don't want to lose Lyja. She means so much to me.'

'Very well.' Strange nodded. 'Now Lyja, you may feel a little dizzy. But that is perfectly normal. it just means that the spell is working.'

'Less talking!' Lyja snapped. 'More magic!'

Strange didn't need to be told again. He whispered a few words in a language that Johnny and Lyja didn't know.

'How is that?' Strange asked.

'Better...' Lyja smiled slightly. 'But the sooner we get this over with, the better.'

'You're telling me.' Johnny chuckled weakly. 'I'm not sure my hand can take getting squeezed like this.'

'Oh...' Lyja smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry.'

* * *

**Egypt-**

The rest of the Fantastic Four had finished off the stone guards with relative ease. They were now making their way through the tomb's catacombs. They were being extra-cautious. There was no telling what other booby-traps there would be on the way.

'Well, this has been an eventful journey.' Selene commented as she looked around their surroundings. 'Do you think Fury would have a problem if we took some of the tomb's treasures for a souvenir?'

'Yeah, somethin' like a mummified cat.' Ben snorted sarcastically. 'Ooh! Or one o' them jar dealies that held a guy's guts inside.'

'Canopic jars.' Selene pointed out. 'When a Pharaoh was mummified, they used to remove his insides and put them in Canopic jars. Then they used to remove his brain by sticking a hook up his nose and yanking the brain through the nostrils.'

'Well, that's just... lovely.' Sue smiled forcibly. 'What I wouldn't give to be a Pharaoh.'

'What?' Ben blinked in surprise. 'You ain't seriously sayin' that ya really wanna have yer brains yanked out through yer nose, do ya?'

'Of course not, Ben.' Sue rolled her eyes. 'I prefer my brain where it is, thank you very much. Right up here in my head. What use do you think I would be without a brain?'

'Supermodels seem to get along just fine.' Selene joked.

Sue stopped in her tracks as she noticed that Reed had become rather interested in some of the hieroglyphics on a nearby wall. The hieroglyphics weren't the most unusual thing about the wall, however. Instead of being made out of stone, like the rest of the tomb, this wall was made out of some kind of metal.

'Hmm, most intriguing...' Reed thought out loud. 'I'd surmise that this wall is the entrance to En Sabah Nur's inner sanctum. Perhaps the place where he rests to regain his immortality.'

'Well, that's just spiffy.' Ben groaned. 'Now that we found what we wanted, we can go now, right?'

'What's the matter, darling? You're not scared, are you?' Selene teased.

'Aunt Petunia never raised a fool.' Ben pointed out. 'An' goin' in there would be suicide. What if the guy's sleepin'? You know how cranky I get when I get woken up before I should. Who's to say that Apocalypse ain't the same?'

'Who is to say that Apocalypse is here at all?' Reed countered. 'He has not been seen for years.'

'I think Ben is right, Reed.' Sue added. 'We could be walking straight into a death-trap. Why not turn back and call the X-Men? Surely they would be better equipped to handle Apocalypse.'

'I'm sorry, Susan.' Reed shook his head. 'But I believe that somebody has already activated the opening mechanism.'

Ben, Sue, and Reed all turned to look at Selene, who was leaning against a concealed switch in the opposite wall.

'What?' The former immortal sorceress asked innocently. She then looked at the switch that she had unknowingly pressed. 'Oh...'

The quartet all turned as one as the wall slowly receded to reveal a hi-tech chamber that looked at odds with the ancient dusty rocks around them.

'Well, it's now or never...' Reed sighed as he led everybody inside.

The main feature of the room was a futuristic-looking sarcophagus. The sarcophagus had En Sabah Nur's features etched onto it. It could only be the chamber that he used to recharge his energy.

'_Brrrr._' Selene shivered. 'This place is giving me the creeps. And I've been to Hell!'

The quartet all froze as the sarcophagus hissed into life. They watched stock-still as the lid swung open with a hiss of escaped air.

'Who dares to disturb my slumber?' Apocalypse's voice boomed from the confines of the sarcophagus. 'Speak now, or meet your doom!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Tomb of Apocalypse- Part 4**

_The Fantastic Four Vs Apocalypse. 'Nuff said!_


	24. The Tomb of Apocalypse: Part 4

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 24: The Tomb of Apocalypse- Part 4**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_Ben Grimm and Kitty Pryde are two of the only openly Jewish comic book characters._

* * *

**The Tomb of En Sabah Nur, Egypt-**

'Who dares disturb the slumber of the almighty Apocalypse?' The immortal mutant known as En Sabah Nur demanded as he sat up straight in his hi-tech sarcophagus.

The Fantastic Four just looked on dumbstruck as the X-Men's (literally) oldest enemy began to awaken.

'Gods, I never thought I would see the day...' Selene finally managed to find her voice. 'I was such an Apocalypse fangirl when I was young.'

'I kinda doubt that now is the time ta start actin' like a screamin' fan at their first rock concert.' Ben replied. 'You got any idea yet, Stretcho?'

'...Not as of yet.' Reed admitted, frowning slightly.

'Well, that's just lovely.' Sue sighed. 'Here we are facing down one of the most oldest forces of evil, and Reed doesn't even have a plan.'

'Perhaps we could just hit Apocalypse until he falls down?' Selene offered.

'Sounds like a plan.' Ben cracked his knuckles with a grin.

'You cannot possibly hope to defeat me!' Apocalypse boasted. 'I am immortal!'

'And ya pretty damn ugly too.' Ben retorted. 'You ain't never took on Ol' Momma Grimm's baby boy, have ya?'

'You talk too much, little man.' Apocalypse sneered down at Ben. 'You are not unlike the X-Men in that respect.'

'We are _nothing_ like the X-Men, Apocalypse!' Sue pointed out. 'I am not some whore of a telepath, unlike _certain_ people who I won't name.'

'Uh, Sue...' Reed whispered. 'I doubt that now is the time to make catty comments about the X-Men.'

'Every time is a good time to make catty comments about the X-Men, Reed.' Selene smirked. 'Now, are we going to fight or not?'

'I have heard of you and your cohorts, Reed Richards.' Apocalypse stated as he crossed his eyes with a triumphant smile. 'You will be most worthy opponents. It will be a pleasure to kill you.'

Ben snapped off something from one of the surrounding machines.

'And it'll be a pleasure ta kick your butt too, ugly! _IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!_'

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Back at the home of the Fantastic Four, Lyja the Skrull was still going through labour. Fortunately for the young alien woman, Dr Strange had cast a spell to lighten some of her pain. Giving birth still hurt though.

Lyja gritted her teeth in pain as she tried to expel the baby.

'Now Lyja, you cannot just force the baby out whenever you want.' Dr Strange pointed out. 'The baby will come whenever it is ready.'

'Can't you cast a spell to hurry everything up, Doc?' Johnny asked. 'Y'know, fast forward a couple of hours?'

'I am afraid that I cannot do that, Jonathan.' Dr Strange shook his head. 'One cannot just mess around with time like that.'

'But it hurts...' Lyja whined with a pained hiss. 'Can't you do something?'

'I have already done what I can, Lyja.' Dr Strange reminded her. 'Now the only thing left to do is wait for the baby.'

Johnny jumped as Lyja yelled out something explicit in her own language.

'That's it, Storm!' Lyja grabbed her partner by the collar and pulled him close. 'I am _never _going to let you touch me _ever_ again!'

'I'm sure you're kidding, babe.' Johnny smiled nervously. 'It's just the hormones making you a little crazy. Right?'

'I have never been so serious about anything before in my life!' Lyja growled through gritted teeth.

Dr Strange gave Johnny an apologetic look.

'Well...' Johnny sighed heavily. 'I guess it's the sofa for me tonight...'

* * *

**Back in Egypt-**

Back in Apocalypse's tomb, the Fantastic Four were finding out that fighting Apocalypse was no small task. The immortal mutant was shrugging off even their strongest blows!

'Apocalypse has just awoken.' Reed thought out loud as he wrapped himself around the evil mutant's legs. 'From what I have seen from previous reports, he should be significantly weakened.'

'I am never weak!' Apocalypse kicked Reed away from him. 'For I am Apocalypse! I am the strongest there is!'

Apocalypse formed his hand into a giant piston and attempted to crush Reed beneath it. Fortunately, Sue was there to protect her husband.

'Don't worry, Reed.' Sue reassured her stretchy husband. 'I've got him!'

'But who has you, Susan?' Reed pointed out.

'Aww, give the lady a break, Big Brain.' Ben chuckled from his position grabbing hold of Apocalypse in a headache. 'Ain't ya learnt by now that Suzie can fend fer herself?'

'Thank you, Ben.' Sue smiled. 'But there's really no need to worry about me. I have a plan...'

Sue pushed her invisible force field with all her might, making Apocalypse stumble.

'Quick, while Apocalypse is distracted, pile it on!'

'Way ahead of you, Sue!' Selene grinned as she let rip with a burst of flame from her hands. 'This should weaken Apocalypse enough for you, Reed!'

Reed simply nodded and formed his hand into a blade-like shape.

Before Apocalypse could even make a move to defend himself, Reed hammered at the scorch marks left over from Selene's fire blast like a rubbery piledriver.

'Ben, it's down to you now!'

'Right on it, Stretcho!' Ben nodded as he leapt forwards.

Apocalypse tried to make a grab at Ben, but Sue grabbed his hand in another force field.

'Curse you all!' Apocalypse hissed in anger. 'You shall all pay for this effrontery!'

'Now Ben...' Reed instructed. 'Apocalypse's armour should be weakened enough for you to pry apart!'

'Heh. It's gonna be like peeling a real ugly banana.' Ben smirked as he dug his fingers in-between the cracks that had started to from in the armour from the barrage of attacks.

Apocalypse tried desperately to knock Ben off his back, but found himself being prevented from doing so by invisible force fields, elastic limbs and fireballs being thrown at him from all sides.

'Enough of this foolishness!' Apocalypse bellowed angrily. 'I shall end this now!'

Apocalypse slammed one of the controls on the many panels around them.

'I have just began this tomb's self-destruct mechanism.' Apocalypse explained. 'Now, you can follow me, or you can find a way out of this place before it explodes. You have your choice. I would recommend that you choose quickly, for you do not have very long until you are destroyed.'

Apocalypse finally managed to knock Ben off his back and quickly made his escape through a hidden door.

'C'mon, we can still get him!' Ben said as he began to run after the fleeing Apocalypse.

'Ben, no!' Reed called to his rocky colleague. 'We must find a way out of this tomb before we are all destroyed!'

'Reed is right, darling.' Selene added. 'It is better that we live to see another day, than to be destroyed searching for our enemy.'

Ben sighed reluctantly and stood by the others.

'Yeah, I guess yer right. Apocalypse is the X-Men's business now. Let them deal with him.'

'Everybody hang on...' Sue said as she erected an invisible force field around the heroic quartet. 'It's going to be a bumpy ride up towards the surface!'

The group braced themselves as the invisible force field began to rise towards the surface.

Unseen by the quartet, Apocalypse had already made his escape. The immortal mutant had made his way to a teleportation chamber and had disappeared to parts unknown. Apocalypse may have been beaten today, but he would live on again.

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Reed and the others had made a safe escape from Apocalypse's tomb and were heading home. A SHIELD heli-carrier picked them up from Egypt and ferried them back to the Baxter Building.

'Well, that's the last time I agree to come on one of Nick Fury's stupid little expeditions.' Sue grumbled as she led the group back inside their home. 'Why, if he even _contemplates_ thinking of asking us on a another one of this missions I'll... I'll...'

'I can assure you that we wholeheartedly agree with you, Susan.' Reed nodded. 'But now I'd just like to sit down and relax with my family.'

'I wonder what ol' Bic Head's been up ta while we were gone.' Ben wondered. 'I bet he held one o' his crazy dance parties while we were out.'

'Oh, if only that was the case, Benjy.' Johnny smirked cheekily. 'Nothing could be further form the truth.'

'Okay, spill it, Matchstick.' Ben poked Johnny in the chest. 'What prank have ya been playin'?'

Johnny just stepped out of the way so everybody could step inside the living room.

'Why don't you see for yourself, big guy?'

Ben's jaw dropped when he saw what Johnny was trying to hide.

Lyja was sitting propped up on the sofa with a blanket over her legs. She was also holding a little bundle swathed in another blanket.

'Please tell me this ain't what I think...' Ben blinked in disbelief.

'Oh, gimmie a break, Ben.' Johnny shook his head as he took his place beside Lyja. 'I may have the emotional maturity of a chocolate teapot sometimes, but I know how to be responsible.'

Lyja gently rocked the bundle in her hands.

'Reed, Sue, Ben, Selene... I want you to meet Tora Storm!'

'Tora... Storm.' Sue blinked. 'Does that mean...'

'Damn right it does, sis!' Johnny grinned. 'I'm getting married, baby!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Something Borrowed, Something Green...**

_It's time for Johnny and Lyja's wedding. Will everything go off without a hitch? Also: Something is stirring in Hell. One of the Fantastic Four's deadliest enemies is about to come back from the dead. Who could it possibly be? If you don't know, then I only have one thing to say to you... Bah! Fools!_


	25. Something Borrowed, Something Green

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 25: Something Borrowed, Something Green**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

It was a very special day at the home of the Fantastic Four. Johnny Storm was getting married. The roof of the building was decked out with flowers, streamers, and the like. There was row upon row of chairs laid out in front of the altar where the actual marriage ceremony would take place.

Johnny was hidden away with his two best men to prepare for his special day. Johnny was trying to compose himself, ultimately to no avail. The poor guy had never been so nervous. Sure, send him up against Galactus, or a whole army of Doombots, and he wouldn't even break a sweat. But ask him to get married... That was an entirely different situation.

'Aww, c'mon Bic-Head.' Ben Grimm reassured his friend with a pat on the shoulder. 'What's the worst thing that could go wrong?'

Johnny shot him a withering glare.

'You just had to say that, didn't you?' Johnny groaned. 'Now we know that something has to go wrong! Whenever somebody says _what's the worst that could go wrong_, something _always _goes wrong!'

'Aww, yer worryin' too much.' Ben chuckled. 'We ain't gonna have ta cope with any of our enemies attackin' cuz they're all banged up, or dead, or light-years away in space.'

'Well, my bad guys always seem to find a way to come back to life and bite me on the butt.' Peter Parker, Johnny's other best man, offered his two cents. 'Sometimes literally.'

'Oh yeah, you're both such great help.' Johnny held his head in his hands. 'Just... remind me what happened last night. Did anything weird happen during the bachelor party? For some reason I can't remember a minute of it.'

Peter and Ben gave each other nervous looks.

'Well... Let's just say that gadgets that shouldn't have been touched _were_ touched...' Peter started to explain gently.

'Then there might have been summat to do with pirates an' buried treasure...' Ben continued.

'And that's why you've got a price of five hundred gold doubloons on your head.' Peter finished, scratching the back of his neck embarrassedly.

'Oh... crap...' Johnny groaned. 'Please tell me that Reed doesn't know. He'd go nuts if he found out that we were messing with his time machine.'

'That's the thing, Matchstick...' Ben took a deep breath. 'Reed wuz the one that got us inta all that mess in the first place.'

'He thought it would be a good idea if we had your bachelor party on that pirate island.' Peter continued. 'What was it called?'

'Tortuga?' Johnny finished for them.

'That's the one!' Peter snapped his fingers in realisation. 'Tortuga!'

'An' there's one more thing...' Ben chimed in. 'Ya might wanna go easy on yer right shoulder...'

'Oh, God...' Johnny groaned out loud. 'Don't tell me I got a tattoo.'

'Of a naked lady sitting on a treasure chest.' Peter nodded sadly.

'Oh, this is just wonderful...' Johnny threw his arms up in exasperation. 'It's my wedding day, and I've just found out that I'm one of the most wanted men on the Spanish Main, _and_ I've got a dirty tattoo! Is there anything else that you want to tell me? Oh, wait... I can guess already. I've been branded, haven't I?'

Peter and Ben both looked at each other.

'Well, ya did tell us not to tell ya.' Ben shrugged.

Johnny rolled up one of his sleeves to see that he had been branded on the back of his hand with the letter 'P', for pirate.

'What is up with you guys?' Johnny ranted. 'We coulda got wasted and gone to a strip club, like regular people! But, _noooo_. We had to mess with Reed's time machine and mix it up with Jack Sparrow and Blackbeard!'

'Umm... You do realise that Jack Sparrow is a fictional character, right?' Peter pointed out. 'And Blackbeard had been dead for quite some time.'

Johnny shot his best man a withering glare.

'Just... shut up, okay? Just shut up!'

* * *

**Later-**

Johnny had managed to pull himself together and was now stood at the front of the altar with Ben and Peter standing beside him.

'Deep breaths. Deep breaths...' Johnny told himself. 'Getting marriage isn't so bad. It's a perfectly normal part of human behaviour. I'm sure that nothing will go wrong at all. Oh yes, nothing at all.'

Johnny looked around at the guests that had gathered behind him. Alicia Masters was sitting near the front with Baby Val, Franklin, and little Tora. She-Hulk was sitting with her as well. Then there was Peter's wife Mary Jane, his Aunt May, and his little daughter. Behind them were the rest of the guests, various representatives from the other superhero teams that the Fantastic Four knew. The X-Men, the Avengers, Doctor Strange, Daredevil, Luke Cage and Danny Rand, Nick Fury. Sue had suggested inviting Crystal to the wedding, but it had been decided that it wouldn't be such a good idea to invite one of Johnny's ex-girlfriends.

Johnny turned to the front of the altar as the bad started to play the wedding march.

Lyja was being led down the aisle by Reed, who was acting as the father of the bride. Sue was walking close behind them as the maid of honour. Then there was Selene. She was another one of Lyja's bridesmaids. Finally was Big Val. Once again, she had been forced to take the job of the flower girl.

Johnny took a deep breath and tried to compose himself one final time.

'Well, there's no turning back...' Johnny told himself. 'It's now or never...'

Then, Ben leant over to whisper in Johnny's ear.

'You ain't havin' last thoughts are ya, Matchstick?'

'Heh-heh. Of course not.' Johnny chuckled nervously. 'Last thoughts? Me? A-heh-heh. Of course not.'

Ben gave him a congratulatory back that was a little bit too hard.

'Good. I'd hate ta see Lyja get upset. Then I'd have ta hunt ya down and do unpleasant things to ya corpse.'

Johnny smiled nervously. Fortunately, further torture wouldn't be any further necessary as Lyja stepped up to the front of the altar. Then the minister began the ceremony.

'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Jonathan Spencer Storm and Lyja, uh... Skrull. Now, if anybody has anything to say against their union, then please speak, or forever hold their peace.'

The minister paused to see whether anybody had anything to say. Everybody breathed a sigh of relief when nobody stood up to say anything. That left the minister free to continue the ceremony.

'Do you, Jonathan Spencer Storm, take Lyja Skrull to be your lawful wedded wife?'

* * *

**After the ceremony-**

Thankfully, the ceremony had gone off without a hitch. The congregation was now milling about, offering the lucky couple their congratulations and whatnot.

'I can't believe I let myself get dressed up as a freaking marshmallow again.' Val grumbled as she picked at her slice of wedding cake. 'I'm supposed to be scary smart, yet here I am looking something that you'd stick a hook in and hang from a Christmas tree.'

'You don't look so bad, kiddo.' She-Hulk remarked as she helped herself to more shrimp puffs. 'That dress makes you look cute.'

'It's alright for you...' Val retorted. 'You'd look great in anything. Heck, I'll bet that you'd look great in a burlap sack!'

'Yeah, I am rather sexy, aren't I?' She-Hulk admired her reflection in a silver tray.

Nearby, the happy couple were talking to Bobby Drake and some of the other X-Men.

'Man, how cool was that bachelor party?' Bobby enthused.

'What did you guys get up to?' Lyja jokingly teased. 'I hope you didn't get too drunk.'

'Drunk hasn't got anything to do with it!' Bobby laughed out loud. 'I never knew getting in a barroom brawl with pirates could be so much fun!'

Lyja turned to Johnny with a frown.

'Barroom brawl? Pirates? Just what did you guys get up to?'

'I-it was a... a... fancy dress bachelor party...' Johnny struggled to find an explanation. 'Yeah... A fancy dress bachelor party.'

'That wasn't any fancy dress party!' Bobby laughed, ignoring the fact that Johnny was frantically making the 'cut' signal. 'Why don't you show Lyja that killer tattoo you got?'

'Tattoo?' Lyja spluttered. 'You got a _tattoo? _On the eve of our _wedding day?'_

Johnny hung his shoulders in defeat.

'And this is precisely why I hardly ever hang out with the X-Men, buddy.' Luke Cage gave Johnny a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. 'They just can't keep a damn secret.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Meet the Parents**

_Johnny and Lyja are enjoying their honeymoon to Hawaii when they are visited by a Skrull exploration vessel. It's Lyja's parents! Will they be happy that their only daughter has married a puny human? What will they do once they find out that the selfsame puny human fathered a child with their only daughter? Tune in next time to find out..._


	26. Meet the Parents

**The Uncanny Four**

**Chapter 26: Meet the Parents**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Hawaii-**

Johnny Storm was in a great mood. The best mood he had been in for a long time. He had just been married to the most beautiful woman in the universe, and he was now on his honeymoon. Luckily, nothing had gone wrong. Usually, whenever Johnny had some downtime, you could bet that one of his Rogues' Gallery would pop up to spoil it. Then again, it wasn't as if Johnny's Rogues were exactly A-List. There were guys like the Trapster, the Painter, and the Rabble Rouser. They weren't exactly in the same league as Galactus or Doctor Doom. No wonder Spider-Man kept on making fun of how lame Johnny's Rogues were.

Johnny was presently walking around the grounds of their secluded cabin. The complex that Johnny and Lyja were staying at specialised in honeymooning couples. It was quite an exclusive place, as well. It cost a pretty penny to spend two weeks there. It was a good job that Reed and Sue weren't spare of a few bucks.

Lyja was asleep in bed, so Johnny decided to get her breakfast. As well as several romantic cabins, the honeymoon complex had such amenities as a great big swimming pool, numerous restaurants and bars, and a convenience store that made freshly-baked donuts. Okay, donuts weren't exactly the most romantic breakfast, but Johnny didn't care. Champagne and strawberries would make it all good.

Johnny opened up the little brown paper bag and inhaled the smell of fresh donuts.

'Mmm, sprinkles...' Johnny closed his eyes with an ecstatic smile. 'I know where you guys are gonna go...'

Johnny stopped to get his bearings. He must have been enjoying the smell of fresh donuts, because he had somehow made a wrong turn and ended up becoming lost.

'Oh, crap...' Johnny smacked himself on the head. 'I knew I should have paid attention to that map in the cabin.'

Johnny tried to retrace his steps.

'I'm sure I can get back on track if I follow this path back this way...' Johnny said to himself as he walked back the way he came.

After a few short minutes, Johnny realised that his plan wasn't going to work.

'Crap.' Johnny sighed heavily. 'This isn't gonna work.'

Johnny sat down on a log to try and think up another plan.

'Aww, man...' Johnny groaned as he opened up his bag of donuts. 'These things're getting all sticky. This is just wonderful. What else could possibly go wrong?'

Johnny froze in his place as he heard alien voices approaching.

'Ask and you shall receive...' Johnny muttered to himself as he dove into the undergrowth.

Johnny watched as a pair of Skrulls, one male, and one female, made their way through a clearing to the side. By the instruments that the pair were carrying, it seemed that they were some kind of exploration team.

Johnny couldn't make out what the pair of Skrulls were saying. Talking alien languages weren't his strong point. Besides, he didn't bring his pocket translator, naturally figuring that he wouldn't need it.

Johnny frowned to himself as he saw the female scan a nearby bush.

'Please don't come nearer...' Johnny whispered to himself. 'Please don't come nearer...'

There was no need for Johnny to start a fight with these Skrulls, they didn't seem like they were doing anything aggressive. Besides, if he Flamed On, there was no telling what kind of damage he would do to the Hawaiian landscape.

The female turned to the male and spoke excitedly, indicating the bush that Johnny was hiding in.

'Crap...' Johnny hissed.

'You can come out of hiding now, human.' The male Skrull said. 'We know you are there.'

Johnny knew that it was no use. He had better do what the aliens wanted. They didn't seem to be armed, so there was no need for a fuss.

Johnny slowly stood up and held his arms above his head.

'Um... hey.' Johnny smiled nervously as he held up the brown paper bag he was carrying. 'Donut?'

The female Skrull scanned the bag of donuts.

'It seems the human is offering us sustenance.' The female stated.

The Skrull male snorted in derision.

'We do not need any of your horrendous human nutriment.'

'_F'rt!_' The female hissed. 'Be nice! Do you not realise who this human is?'

'All humans look the same to me, N'ara.' The male shrugged.

'This human is the Human Torch!' The female Skrull pointed out.

'The very same Human Torch that has been sighted with Lyja the Laserfist?' The male Skrull narrowed his eyes.

'Do you guys know Lyja?' Johnny asked.

'I should think so.' The female Skrull nodded. 'She is our daughter.'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Back in the cabin that the newly wed Johnny and Lyja Storm were staying, Lyja slowly woke up. The young Skrull reached over to hug her husband, only to find that he wasn't there.

'Hunh.' Lyja grunted as she sat up, gathering the bed sheets around her. 'Guess he's gone to get breakfast.'

Lyja's stomach gurgled in protest.

'He'd better hurry up.' Lyja muttered to herself. 'I'm so hungry I could eat a whole Kree battle force.'

Lyja shook that thought from her head.

'Perhaps not.' Lyja frowned slightly. 'There's no telling what kind of things those filthy creatures are carrying. Besides, they're gamey and they give me gas.'

Lyja headed over to the closet to throw on some clothes. There was no telling how long Johnny would be, so it would be better if she went to get him herself.

The young Skrull woman headed out of the cabin and went off in search of her husband. In an effort to prevent causing any fuss, Lyja took on a human guise.

Skrulls are natural hunters, thanks to the alien reptiles that they evolved from. Those very same ancestors gave the Skrulls such heightened senses as the ability to smell their prey from long distances.

Lyja sniffed the air as she tried to detect Johnny's scent. The Human Torch's scent was weak, but if Lyja concentrated enough, she could pinpoint his position.

Lyja frowned to herself as she detected two other scents with Johnny. They were scents that Lyja thought she would never see again.

'By the Shards...' Lyja gasped in amazement. 'I... I thought they were dead!'

Lyja headed off in the direction of the three scents as fast as her legs could carry her.

* * *

**Later-**

Johnny laughed nervously at the two Skrulls before him.

'For... for a minute there, I thought you said you were Lyja's parents.'

'We _are _Lyja's parents.' F'rt, the male, frowned at the human before him.

'Ah...' Johnny didn't know how to continue.

Thankfully, more embarrassment on Johnny's part was prevented as Lyja came crashing through the undergrowth. When she recognised the two Skrulls with Johnny, she immediately shifted back to her normal shape.

'_Mother! Father!_' Lyja exclaimed in her own language. '_I thought that you were dead!_'

'_Lyja, darling!_' N'ara, exclaimed, enveloping her daughter in a huge hug. '_It has been such a long time!_'

'What are you doing here?' Lyja asked. '_How come you weren't killed when Galactus devoured the Skrull Throneworld?_'

'Anybody mind translating for those you don't speak Skrull?' Johnny asked.

'Oh Shards, Johnny...' Lyja winced embarassedly. 'I didn't realise you were there.'

Lyja stepped between her parents and put her arms around their shoulders.

'Johnny, these are my parents, F'rt, and N'ara. Mother, father, this is Johnny Storm, my husband.'

'Your..._ husband?_' F'rt spluttered. 'You are married to this human?'

'Just a few days ago.' Lyja replied, holding up her hand so her parents could see her ring.

'Oh Lyja, it is beautiful!' N'ara admired her daughter's ring. why did you not tell us earlier?'

'Because I thought you were killed when Galactus ate the Throneworld.' Lyja answered. 'Why didn't you?'

'We were off world at the time.' N'ara explained. 'Your father wanted to explore a small planetoid we had discovered on an earlier expedition.'

'Anyway, it's wonderful that you're here.' Lyja smiled. 'We have so much to catch up with.'

'Am I the only one that is upset that our only daughter has married a... _human?_' F'rt asked.

'I'm just happy that she hasn't married one of those filthy Kree.' N'ara told her husband.

'What happened to Paibok?' F'rt asked,. 'I thought you pledged your heart to him?'

'Oh, father...' Lyja rolled her eyes. 'Paibok is old news. I love Johnny now.'

F'rt wasn't best pleased about his daughter's choice of mate, but he was happy as long as she was happy.

'Welcome to the family, Johnny.' N'ara smiled, shaking her son-in-law's hand. 'Lyja has chosen well.'

'Umm, thanks... I think.' Johnny shook his mother-in-law's hand uncertainly.

'Now, what about grandchildren?' N'ara asked her daughter.

'Way ahead of you.' Lyja smiled. 'Her name is Tora N'ara Storm. She's back in Manhattan being looked after by the rest of the Fantastic Four.'

'You have sired a... child... with this... this _human?' _F'rt spluttered again. 'Are you trying to give me a heart attack?'

'Oh, F'rt, shush.' N'ara waved her husband's protests away. 'I am sure that Tora is beautiful child. Even if she is half-human.'

'Wait...' Johnny held up his finger as something clicked. 'Your name is F'rt, right?'

'What of it?' Lyja's father frowned.'

'Doesn't that strike you as funny?' Johnny asked. 'Y'know, having a name that sounds like...'

Lyja held her head in her hands and let out a grown.

'Oh Johnny, don't...'

Johnny snickered childishly.

'Heh. Your name sounds like... _fart!_'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Femme Four**

_When Reed, Johnny, Ben, and Selene disappear during a battle with the frightful Four, it's up to Sue to form her own Fantastic Four. Meet the Invisible Woman, the Invisible Girl, Lyja the Laserfist, and She-Hulk: The Femme Four!_


	27. The Femme Four: Part 1

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 27: The Femme Four- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **Yeah, you're a villain…and your ringtone is stupid.'- **Molly Hayes (Runaways Vol 2 #4)**

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

It was business as usual for the residents of the Baxter Building. Reed Richards was in his lab fiddling with some random doo-dad that he had just invented. Susan Richards was out shopping with Lyja Storm and the children. Selene was doing the housework while Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm were trying to determine who was the best at video games.

Johnny jumped into the air with a whoop of joy and started a little victory dance.

'Aww, yeah! Who's the daddy?' Johnny crowed in victory. 'I'm the daddy, that's who! Go, Johnny! It's your birthday! It's your birthday! _Booyah!_'

'Best five outta seven?' Ben asked lamely.

'No way, Benjy!' Johnny smirked as he started to moonwalk in front of his friend. 'There's no way in hell that you're gonna beat me! I'm invincible, baby!'

Ben just grumbled under his breath and slunk away to go plan his revenge.

'Johnny, you could at least give Ben a break.' Selene said as she stuck the vacuum cleaner in the closet. 'Unless you want to try and take on a true mistress of games!'

'Oh, you're on!' Johnny grinned eagerly, sure that he had easy prey. 'I hope you're ready to lose!'

'I think you will be presently surprised.' Selene chuckled as she sat down beside Johnny and prepared to play. 'I am no pushover.'

Johnny tried to start the game, but all that was on the television screen was a picture of static.

'Now look what you've done!' Johnny threw his controller on the floor with a growl of disgust. 'I beat Ben so you had to go and screw up the TV!'

'I had nothing to do with that, Johnny.' Selene held her hands up in defence.

A face slowly began to appear through the static on the television screen.

_'Fantastic Four!_'

Johnny yelped in surprise and fell off his chair.

_'You will undoubtably recognize me, so I will forgo with the introductions...' _The bearded pink helmet-wearing face of the super-villain known as the Wizard continued. _'The security systems around the Baxter Building were easy for a person with my talents. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I challenge you to battle to prove my superiority once and for all! You will find me inside your former headquarters, Pier Four. I look forward to proving how vastly superior I am to you, Richards. Farewell!'_

And with that, the television screen returned to normal.

Johnny and Selene turned to each other.

'So much for a quiet day in.' Johnny grumbled.

* * *

**Pier Four-**

The Fantasticar made a landing outside the Fantastic Four's former dockside headquarters.

'You do realise that this is gonna be a trap, don'cha, Stretcho?' Ben reminded everybody as he stepped out of the Fantasticar.

'The thought had crossed my mind, Ben.' Reed nodded as he took a look at the dilapidated building that the Fantastic Four used to call their home. 'But this isn't really the Wizard's usual style.'

'Sounds kinda like him, if you ask me.' Johnny piped up. 'Any excuse to show you up, huh?'

'There's something amiss here...' Selene narrowed her eyes in suspicion. 'I can't quite place it, but it doesn't feel right.'

'Of course it don't feel right, babe.' Ben pointed out. 'It's a trap!'

Reed scanned the area with some kind of hi-tech hand-held device and frowned at the lack of reading he was getting.

'Hmm...'

'What do you mean, hmm?' Johnny blinked. 'Is that an '_It's a false alarm, we can go home and eat pie' _kind of hmm, or is it a _'We're in mortal danger' _kind of hmm?'

'I wish I knew, Johnny.' Reed explained. 'You see...'

'Here comes the science bit...' Ben quipped. 'Concentrate.'

'My sensors can't sense anything at all.' Reed explained. 'And I mean nothing! It's almost as if Pier Four has completely disappeared!'

'But we can see it right in front of us.' Ben pointed out, waving a hand in front of the building. 'Ya got yer scanners messed up.'

'It's magic.' Selene chipped in. 'It has to be. Only somebody highly trained in the dark arts has the skills to mask something like this from Reed's scanners.'

'I hate magic.' Johnny shuddered. 'It gives me the heebie-jeebies.'

'Which is exactly why ya can't watch Siegfried and Roy.' Ben smirked.

'Although, it was funny when they got mauled by a tiger that time...' Johnny smiled at the memory.

'Stay ready, everybody...' Reed warned his team. 'We're going in...'

'You _cannot_ be serious...' Johnny groaned. 'Need I remind you that this is a trap? You actually intend to walk into this?'

'Where's yer sense of adventure, Bic-Head?' Ben grinned as he followed Reed inside the old warehouse.

Johnny just bit back his complaints and followed the rest of the team inside.

No sooner had the foursome entered Pier Four, then the whole building disappeared in a flash of light. There was no sign of Pier Four, or the Fantastic Four!

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Susan Richards walked into the main foyer of the Baxter Building with her sister-in-law, Lyja Storm and their children.

'Mrs Richards, Mrs Richards!'

Sue put down her shopping bags as Roberta, the Baxter Building's robotic receptionist, trundled over.

'What's the matter, Roberta?' Sue asked concernedly. 'Is everything alright?'

'I wish that was the case. Mrs Richards.' Roberta explained. 'Have you not seen the news?'

Sue looked over to a nearby television screen that was broadcasting the latest news bulletin.

'Isn't that the place where the Fantastic Four used to live?' Lyja asked as she recognized the area shown on the television screen. 'Pier Four, wasn't it?'

'I am afraid that Mr Richards, Mr Storm, and Mr and Mrs Grimm were inside the building when it disappeared.' Roberta hung her head sadly. 'The Wizard and his Frightful Four have been all over the news boasting that they were responsible for all the damage.'

Franklin Richards looked up at his mother's fear-stricken face.

'Mommy, are daddy and the others going to be okay?'

'Of course they are, sweetie.' Sue told her son. 'Because mommy's going to make sure of it!'

Sue turned to her Skrull companion.

'Lyja, call Alicia and ask her to look after the children. Roberta, initiate program F-4!'

'At once, Mrs Richards!' Roberta nodded as she trundled away.

'Program F-4?' A puzzled Lyja scratched her head. 'What's that?'

'We can't take on the Frightful Four on our own.' Sue explained. 'We're going to have to depend on a little help from our friends!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Femme Four- Part 2**

_Sue calls on the help of She-Hulk and the Invisible Girl to help rescue Reed and the others from the clutches of the Frightful Four._


	28. The Femme Four: Part 2

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 28: The Femme Four- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Reed is so clever he can kill us twice in the same five minutes._'- **Johnny Storm (Ultimate Fantastic Four)**

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

Jennifer Walters, also known as the gamma-radiated heroine She-Hulk, was pottering around in the kitchen of Avengers Mansion. The Jade Giantess was hungry and she couldn't find anything to eat.

'Why did I have to develop a craving for bacon sandwiches _now?' _Jen grumbled to herself. 'Right at the same moment when I decide to go on a diet! It isn't fair! I don't suppose there's such a thing as low fat bacon... Aww, nertz. There's got to be such a thing...'

Jen knelt down to peer into the fridge.

_'Jennifer Walters, your assistance is needed._'

The emerald-hued powerhouse stood up and looked around to see who, or what, was talking to her. There was a shiny metallic sphere about the size of a cabbage hovering before her.

'Waah! Ultron!' Jen yelped in surprise as she grabbed a cooking pot out of the cupboard and hit the sphere across the room.

_**PWANG!**_

_'Jen... It's Sue.' _The sphere announced as it extracted itself out of the garbage can that it had just landed in. '_Reed and the others are in trouble. They need your help.'_

Jen stared at the sphere for a moment.

'Sue, since when have you been a shiny ball thing?' She blinked in confusion. 'Is this one of Reed's experiments that has gone wrong again?'

_'There's no time to explain!' _The sphere explained. _'Meet me on the roof of the Baxter Building. There's some transport waiting for you outside.'_

Jen just stood there and watched the sphere fly back out of the window.

'Well, that was surreal.' The Jade Giantess scratched the back of her head. 'I guess my appetite for salty pork by-products will have to wait...'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute, meanwhile-**

Several students were playing a game of baseball in the grounds of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. As usual, it had fallen down to a game of boys versus girls. Valeria Richards and the Sirens were playing against Julian Keller and several other male students.

Val stepped up to bat and looked back at Julian, who was about to throw her the ball. The Hellion known as, uh... Hellion raised his hand into the air as he prepared to throw the ball. Then, just at that precise moment, a shiny metallic sphere flew down from the sky.

_'Valeria Richards, your assistance is needed.'_

Val yelped in surprise and hit the sphere with her baseball bat, sending it spinning across the field.

'Waah! Ultron!'

_'This is starting to get old...' _The sphere grumbled as it flew back towards Val.

'Hey, what is that thing?' Hellion snapped impatiently, pointing at the sphere. 'Whatever it is, tell it to come back later!'

'Mom? Is that you?' Val cocked her head in curiosity, ignoring Julian. 'What's wrong? Oh, God! It's Dad, isn't it? He's in trouble!'

'_Meet me on the roof of the Baxter Building and I'll explain everything.' _The sphere explained before flying away once more.

Val propped her baseball bat on her shoulder as she looked up at the sky in the direction of the retreating sphere.

'Well, it's not like I can get into any more trouble for skipping school...'

'I can't believe this! Game cancelled by metal sphere!' Julian groaned.

'Dude, we were losing.' The golden-skinned young mutant known as Elixir pointed out.

Julian gave the young healer a withering glare.

'Shut up, Josh.'

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Sue Richards was standing on the roof of the Baxter Building with her Skrull sister-in-law, Lyja the Laserfist. They were waiting for Jen and Val to arrive.

'I don't claim to be an expert on the human education system, but you can't just take a child out of school just like that, can you?' Lyja asked.

'I'll explain it all to Emma Frost once we find Reed and the others.' Sue told her alien companion. 'And if she doesn't like that, then that's just tough. I beat up the Hulk once, so I can do whatever I want.'

'I beat up Sabretooth once, but you don't hear me going on about it all the time.'

Sue spun around to see Val hovering before her on an invisible platform. She-Hulk was there as well.

'It looks like we've got ourselves a party.' She-Hulk smirked as she hopped off the invisible platform to join Sue and Lyja. 'So, what's the sitch?'

'Reed, Johnny, Ben, and Selene have been captured by the Frightful Four.' Sue explained. 'I've gathered you all together to help me go rescue them.'

'Well, that certainly was concise.' Val sniffed as she joined the group. 'Although, I bet that I'm gonna be in trouble for skipping school. _Again._'

'_What?' _Sue spluttered. 'You mean to say that you've _already_ skipped school?'

'Hey! It wasn't my fault!' Val held her hands up in defence. 'I was kidnapped by Doombots! Ask the rest of the Sirens! Ask the Young Avengers too!'

'We'll talk about this when we get back.' Sue frowned at her daughter.

Val turned to She-Hulk.

'It wasn't my fault! Really!' The young blonde tried to plead her case to the green-skinned lawyer.

'Sorry, but you're on your own, kiddo.' She-Hulk smiled apologetically. 'I don't wanna get involved in family matters. This is between you and your mother.'

'But you're my godmother!' Val sulked. 'You're supposed to be on _my_ side!'

'I claim diplomatic immunity.' She-Hulk shook her head. 'Go ask your aunt.'

'Hey! Don't get me involved!' Lyja stepped away from the squabbling group. 'This hasn't got anything to do with me! Sue, you tell them!'

Sue just pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a long groan. It would have been less fuss if she recruited Deadpool and Wolverine.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Somewhere, in a secret location, the Wingless Wizard was about to enact his latest plan to humiliate Reed Richards. The stretchy genius had been rendered unconscious and had been placed in a machine to keep him that way. As had Johnny, Ben, and Selene.

'Not that I wanna doubt your skills or anything, but where the hell is the Invisible Woman?' The glue-toting villain known as the Trapster asked. 'It ain't the same unless we've got the whole set!'

'Silence, fool!' The Wizard retorted. 'The Invisible Woman is a mere woman! What could she possibly do to us?'

'You had best watch your tongue, Wizard.' The dragon-morphing villainess known as Salamandra reminded her former husband. 'It does not matter whether you were Salamandra's former husband or not, Salamandra will delight in rending your flesh from your bones!'

'Gee, aren't happy families so much fun?' The water-manipulating villain known as Hydro-Man whispered to the Trapster.

'Shut up, man!' The Trapster retorted. 'Or do you wanna get frozen for screwing around? _Again!_'

'Geez. I was only saying.' Hydro-Man sniffed. 'No need to get in a mood.'

'They're _heeeeere..._'

'What the hell?' The Trapster jumped back at the sound of the voice. Selene had regained consciousness. 'Sonova... The witch's woken up!'

'There is no need to worry.' The Wizard arrogantly assured his lackeys. 'There is now way that Selene can use her powers while my power dampeners are functioning.'

'Oh, do you mean _these_ power dampeners?' A disembodied voice snickered as several small devices fell to the floor.

'I _knew_ we should've tried to get the Invisible Woman, Wiz. I told you.' Trapster groaned.

'Blast it!' The Wizard snarled in anger. 'Show yourself, Susan Richards and I shall not hurt you. Much.'

'Who said that it was my mom?' A still invisible Val chuckled as she snapped off the dampeners from the machines that were holding Reed and the others.

'And she isn't alone...' Sue pointed out as she rendered her team visible. 'Hello, Wizard. It hasn't been a pleasure.'

She-Hulk chuckled evilly as she cracked her knuckles.

'I think you fellows know what time it is...'

'Oh, yes...' Lyja grinned, her fists glowing with unreleased power. 'It's clobbering time!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Femme Four- Part 3**

_Sue's team takes on the Frightful Four. 'Nuff said!_


	29. The Femme Four: Part 3

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 29- The Femme Four: Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in upstate New York-**

Sue's quartet of heroines got ready for a fight as the Wizard's Frightful Four leapt in to attack them. Reed, Johnny, Ben, and Selene had been captured by the evil super-genius and his quartet of villains. Sue and her three compatriots were there to save them.

'Not that I don't appreciate the rescue and all...' The still-human Ben mumbled as he rubbed his head. 'But how did ya find us?'

'I believe that I have the answer, Ben...' Reed revealed as he removed the 4 symbol from his uniform. 'Do you not remember? These symbols also double as tracking devices that allow us to follow each other should one of us get into trouble.'

'Sounds kind convenient if ya ask me...' Ben sniffed.

'It helped, though.' Reed smiled.

'Shouldn't we help the girls?' Johnny asked, indicating the quartet of brawling heroines. 'They might need our help.'

'I'm in no rush.' Selene shrugged. 'Let Sue have her fun. She hardly gets a chance to let loose nowadays.'

Reed did as the sorceress suggested and stood back to watch his wife do her thing. The Invisible Woman was protecting herself from the Wizard's attacks by an invisible force field.

'Ha! Just as I surmised!' the Wizard laughed arrogantly. 'A mere woman could not _possibly_ defeat the Wingless Wizard, so she hides behind a force field.'

'I'm not stalling, Wizard...' Sue retorted. 'I'm just waiting until your suit's batteries exhaust themselves.'

'But... that is impossible!' The Wizard blinked in shock. 'My exo-suit has an inexhaustible supply of energy!'

'Psyche!' Sue grinned as she projected her force field outwards, knocking the flying Wizard from the air. Before the grounded villain could get back up, Sue implanted a mini force field in the circuits of his suit, short-circuiting it.

'You think that you have won, woman?' The Wizard sneered. 'My exo-suit is only one miniscule part of my armour...'

The Wizard's words trailed off as Sue surrounded his head by an air-tight invisible bubble.

'I doubt that suit of yours has an emergency air supply.' Sue stated as she tightened the invisible bubble around the Wizard's head. The armour-clad villain clasped at his throat as he gradually ran out of breath, before falling to his knees.

Nearby, Val was taking on Hydro-Man.

'What's the matter, kid...' The water-manipulating villain laughed as the young heroine hovered above his head on an invisible platform. 'You scared of getting wet?'

'Not in the least...' Val shot back. 'I just wanted some time to finish preparing this little doo-hickey that I had in my pocket.'

Hydro-Man blinked in confusion once he saw the Invisible Girl pull out what seemed to be a television remote control, but with more wires sticking out fo it.

'This is called the molecular accelerator.' Val explained. 'As you can probably tell by its name, it accelerates an object's molecules. It turns a solid into a liquid, a solid into a gas, and so on. I wonder what it'll do to you...'

Hydro-Man started to back away as Val pointed her gadget at him and a blue beam shot out of it, hitting him right in-between the eyes.

'Heh. Is that the best you got?' Hydro-Man laughed. 'That little gadget of yours is useless! Here's a tip, girlie, the next time you wanna try it on with the big boys, stay home and play with your dollie...'

_**PLOOSH!!**_

Hydro-Man's boasts were cut short as the villain exploded, drenching Val with water.

'Hmm, I guess I need to sort out a few bugs first...' The teen inventor sighed as she tucked a strand of sodden high behind her ear.

Not far away, She-Hulk and Lyja were taking on the remaining two members of the Frightful Four, Salamandra and the Trapster.

She-Hulk had grabbed the dragon woman by the tail and was swinging her around. Lyja was doing the same with her foe, but she had grabbed hold of the Trapster's leg.

'Round and round the villains go...' She-Hulk laughed. 'Where they'll stop, nobody knows!'

She-Hulk and Lyja both let go of their screaming (and in the Trapster's case, visibly ill) opponents, sending them flying into the air. Both green-skinned women winced in pain as the villains collided in mid-air with a nasty _CRACK!_

'Ooh, that's got to hurt...' Lyja grimaced. 'Did you hear that sound when their skulls collided? It sounded like somebody attacking a watermelon with a sledgehammer.'

'I wouldn't be so concerned about their safety if I were you, Lyja...' She-Hulk told the Skrull. 'These guys are too thick-headed to come out with any serious damage.'

'I guess they have to make up for the lack of brains somehow.' Lyja laughed.

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Once the Wizard and his fellows had been turned into the authorities, everybody returned home to the Baxter Building. She-Hulk and Val were making their goodbyes. The Jade Giantess had to get back to Avengers Mansion, while Val had to get back to class.

'Now, are you sure that you don't want us to give you a lift back?' Sue asked concernedly.

'Mom, I'm fine...' Val reassured her mother. 'I've got a teleportation unit that I... _borrowed_ from Castle Doom when the Sirens and I teamed up with the Young Avengers.'

'D'ya hear that, Stretcho...' Ben whispered to Reed. 'Yer daughter's a Richards all right. Stealin' stuff from Doom and all that.'

'It's not like Victor is using it.' Reed smiled before he turned back to his daughter. 'You ensure sure that you call us as soon as you arrive back at the Xavier Institute, okay?'

'I will, dad.' Val smiled as she hugged her father tight. 'See you all soon.'

And with that, Val teleported away. She-Hulk followed suit as she hopped into her flying Cadillac.

'Everybody stay safe, 'kay?' The Jade Giantess waved. 'Be seeing you!'

Reed, Sue, Johnny, Ben, Selene, and Lyja all waved as the flying car flew away.

'I don't know about you guys, but I could murder some Chinese takeout.' Johnny patted his stomach. 'Getting kidnapped always gives me the munchies.'

'Jonathan Spencer Storm...' Sue groaned. 'Do you ever think of anything else but food?'

'I think Lyja could answer that for you, Sue...' Johnny grinned, giving his Skrull wife a cheeky wink.

Lyja was about to say something in reply when a huge shadow slowly spread across them.

'What in the...?'

Everybody else followed suit and looked up into the sky at the huge Skrull spaceship hovering above them. Ben was the first to say something.

'Hunh. Must be Monday.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next- The Return of the In-Laws**

_Lyja's parents, F'rt and N'ara drop in to meet the in-laws._


	30. Return of the In Laws

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 30: Return of the In-Laws**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The roof of the Baxter Building-**

The Fantastic Four and their allies stood and watched as the Skrull ship hovered right in front of them.

'Not that I wanna ask a stupid question, but shouldn't we be fightin' them off?' Ben asked. 'Y'know, alien invaders and what have ya.'

'I wouldn't be so hasty, Ben.' Reed advised his friend. 'This is just one Skrull ship. It doesn't even seem to be armed.'

'Well, I don't intend to wait for them to come knocking…' Sue frowned resolutely. 'Now, who's with me?'

Johnny and Lyja looked at each other nervously.

'Do you want to tell them, or shall I?' Johnny asked his wife. 'They are your parents, after all.'

'...Say what?' Ben blinked in surprise. 'Did you just say that yer parents are onboard that there ship?'

'I guess they came to meet the in-laws.' Lyja chuckled nervously. 'They must have stayed on Earth studying the wildlife after Johnny and I came back from our honeymoon.'

'You actually met your in-laws on your _honeymoon?' _Selene snickered. 'Gods, that must have been awkward.'

'You're telling me…' Johnny winced as he rubbed the back of his neck. 'I would have told you earlier, but what with being kidnapped by the Frightful Four…'

'Explanations can wait, Johnny.' Reed told the fire-wielding blond. 'We might as well get this meeting over and done with.'

'Look, the ship's opening up!' Sue indicated a small hatch that began to open up on the side of the Skrull ship.

Everybody stood there and watched as two Skrulls, one male, the other female, strode out of the ship. Lyja stepped up to greet her parents.

'Hello, mother. Hello, father.'

'Hello, Lyja.' N'ara, the female, smiled as she hugged her daughter tight. 'I'm sorry for just dropping in on you like this.'

'Oh, think nothing of it.' Lyja waved it off. 'Do you want to come meet the others?'

'That was why your mother dragged me over here.' F'rt, Lyja's father, grumbled.

'_F'rt!_' N'ara hissed. 'Don't you dare embarrass Lyja!'

F'rt just grumbled something under his breath and allowed Lyja to lead them onwards. Lyja started to introduce everybody.

'Mother, father, you both know Johnny…'

'Hey.' Johnny greeted his in-laws nervously. 'It's, uh… a pleasure to see you again.'

'Likewise.' N'ara smiled.

Lyja then went about introducing he parents to the rest of the Fantastic Four. Reed was the first.

'It's an honour to meet you both.' Reed smiled as he held out his hand for F'rt to shake. The male Skrull just stared back stoically.

'_F'rt!_' N'ara elbowed her mate in the ribs. 'Be nice! Shake the human's hand!'

'But the Fantastic Four are enemies of the Skrull Empire…' F'rt whispered back. 'We shouldn't even be here. Do you realise how much trouble we could be in?'

'I'm terribly sorry about my mate.' N'ara smiled apologetically before she turned back to F'rt. 'Don't you start all of that Empire rubbish with me!'

Johnny watched his in-laws' whispered argument with abject horror. Ben couldn't help but tease him.

'That's one great extended family you got there, Bic-Head. They make the Osbournes look like the freakin' Osmonds.'

* * *

**Inside-**

N'ara and F'rt allowed themselves to be led inside the Baxter Building. They were presently sitting in the den while Lyja made some tea.

'You certainly have a wonderful home here, Doctor Richards.' N'ara smiled as she looked around. 'If I knew you lived in such a lovely home, I would have visited earlier.'

'You're very kind for saying so, Mrs, uh…' Reed tried to think what to call Lyja's mother. 'What do I call you? Mrs Lyja?'

'Please, call me N'ara.' The Skrull scientist smiled. 'And my mate's name is F'rt.'

Ben laughed out loud at that.

'Heh-heh. F'rt. It sounds kinda like…'

'I wouldn't go there if I were you, Ben.' Johnny warned. 'Trust me.'

'I hope you don't mind me asking…' Sue piped up. 'But wasn't the Skrull Throneworld destroyed when it was consumed by Galactus?'

'We were off-planet when it happened.' F'rt told her. 'My mate and I were exploring the outer regions of the Skrull Empire.'

'Besides, we live in an outpost quite some way away from the Throneworld.' N'ara explained. 'It wasn't like we were left homeless or anything.'

'I guess that's lucky.' Selene nodded in understanding. 'I can relate. I was born in Ancient Rome. My friends are all dust now.'

'Wait…' A confused N'ara blinked. 'That must means that you are…'

'Two thousand years old.' Selene finished for her. 'Plus change.'

'But how is that possible?' N'ara asked.

'I was a mutant that sucked the life force from people to keep myself young.' Selene continued. 'But now I've lost that ability. I'm still a mutant, but I can't absorb other people's life force now.' She had decided to keep quiet about her past as an evil sorceress, and the fact that she still had a lot of enemies.

F'rt leant over to whisper to his mate.

'I have a bad feeling about this, N'ara…' The Skrull male whispered. 'This Selene woman extracts the life force from others! How do we know that she won't do the same to us?'

'Did you not just hear her?' N'ara whispered back. 'She no longer has that ability. Stop worrying so much. You are starting to become like an old woman with your needless worrying.'

'You won't be saying that once there's nothing left of us but empty husks.' F'rt grumbled.

'Oh, stop it!' N'ara sighed heavily. 'You are really starting to tire me with your constant complaining. Can't you just be happy for our daughter?'

'I guess…' F'rt grumbled under his breath. 'At least she didn't choose to procreate with a filthy Kree.'

'See?' N'ara smiled. 'You're already thinking positive.'

* * *

**A little while later-**

No sooner had N'ara and F'rt finished their tea, then Tora had chosen that very same moment to wake up from her nap. Lyja decided to bring her daughter in to show her parents their beautiful new granddaughter.

'Oh, she is so beautiful!' N'ara gushed as she carefully held her little granddaughter. 'I wish that we could have been here for her birth.'

'We could have used the help.' Lyja chuckled slightly. 'Johnny was the only one here with me. Reed and the others had gone off to Egypt.'

'We weren't totally without help, though.' Johnny reminded her. 'Doctor Strange was here too, remember?'

'Heh. That was a sight.' Lyja laughed at the memory. 'I don't think he knew what to do. Strange used to be a surgeon, didn't he? Not a midwife.'

'In the end, all that matter sis that we have a perfectly healthy daughter.' Johnny smiled. 'I couldn't be happier. Sure, the fan girls were pissed about it.'

'Oh, you wouldn't believe all the effigies of me they burnt.' Lyja shook her head in disbelief. 'And then there was all the hate mail…'

'Fandom is messed up.' Johnny tutted. 'But that doesn't matter. I've got a wife that loves me and a beautiful baby daughter. If the fan girls can't handle that, then it's their problem.'

'Flum-un.' Tora gurgled.

'Did you hear that?' Johnny blinked in surprise. 'Tora's talking!'

'Johnny, it was just nonsense baby talk.' Lyja told her husband. 'It doesn't mean anything.'

N'ara handed Tora over to her father.

'C'mon Tora, can you say that again?' Johnny asked his daughter. 'Can you say it for daddy?'

Tora slowly began to form words.

'Flu… fla… _Flame on!_'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Damn Dirty Kree!**

_N'ara and F'rt's return home is interrupted by an unwelcome visit by a squad of Kree warriors._


	31. Damn Dirty Kree: Part 1

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 31: Damn Dirty Kree: Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

N'ara and F'rt, Lyja's parents were still staying with the Fantastic Four at the Baxter Building. The pair of Skrull scientists had been welcomed with open arms. They were, after all, part of the family now. Once they had settled in, Sue took it upon herself to show N'ara around Manhattan with the rest of the girls while F'rt stayed at the Baxter Building with Reed and the other men.

Possessing the shape shifting powers that every Skrull had, N'ara took the form of a human female. She didn't want the civilians to think that there was an alien invasion due. Besides, N'ara wasn't a warrior. She was a scientists. She and her mate travelled the universe studying other life forms.

'I don't know why F'rt and I didn't come here earlier, Susan.' N'ara told the Invisible Woman. 'But you know what my mate is like, he lives for study. I'm surprised that we managed to conceive Lyja at all.'

'_Mother…' _Lyja groaned in embarrassment. 'Please don't tell that story. It's embarrassing.'

Sitting in her pushchair, Tora just giggled happily.

'Tora certainly seems to be enjoying herself.' Selene stated as she carried several bags full of new clothes.

'Well, she should do.' Lyja smiled as she patted her daughter's head. 'Tora likes going shopping with her mommy, doesn't she?'

'Uh-huh.' The half-Skrull child nodded her head before holding her hand sup in the air. 'Binky now?'

'Binky? What's that?' N'ara asked.

'Binky's what Tora calls her teddy.' Lyja explained as she fished her daughter's toy out of her bag. 'See, it's even dressed like her father.'

Sue and the others couldn't help but smile at the teddy bear dressed as the Human Torch.

'It wasn't one of Johnny's most impressive merchandising ideas, was it?' Selene smirked.

'Oh, I wouldn't say that.' Sue shrugged. 'These plush bears sell pretty well. They're one of the more popular items in our gift shop.'

Tora hugged her bear tight with a happy smile on her face. That was until a huge shadow started to pass over the whole city.

'Uh-oh.' Tora squeaked as she looked upwards and saw a giant alien spaceship passing over them. Lyja and the others looked up as well.

'Oh, no…' N'ara grimaced. 'I thought that we'd seen the last of them.'

'What do you mean?' Lyja asked her mother. 'Why is a Kree Battle Cruiser after you?' N'ara just shook her head.

'You know those Kree, dear.' N'ara told her daughter. 'It's not like they ever need an excuse for invading.'

* * *

**The Baxter Building, a few minutes earlier-**

Back at the Baxter Building, Reed was showing F'rt some of his latest inventions. Usually, Reed wouldn't have dreamed of showing a Skrull his new discoveries. The aliens might have used them against the Human race. This time was different, however. Reed felt that he could trust F'rt. He was family, after all.

'Your intelligence is legendary, Doctor Richards.' F'rt said as he studied Reed's instruments. 'Even those living in the furthest Skrull outposts have heard of you.'

'Not bad for an enemy of the empire, hmm?' Reed quipped. The stretchy then noticed the medallion-like item that F'rt was wearing around his neck.

'F'rt, may I have a look at that medallion you are wearing?' Reed asked.

'What, this?' F'rt blinked in surprise. 'Oh, this is nothing. Just a little trinket that N'ara and I picked up on our travels. But by all means, if you find it interesting…' The elder Skrull gave Reed the medallion so he could take a look.

'If my hypothesis is correct, that large gemstone in the centre of your medallion is in fact native to the Kree Empire.' Reed surmised as he turned the medallion over in his hand. 'Hmm, this is quite fascinating. I thought the Kree didn't allow people to buy their gems, let alone their millennia-old enemies.'

'N'ara purchased it from a junk market on one of the outlying planets of the Shi'Ar Empire.' F'rt explained. 'We didn't realise that it was Kree in origin, or we wouldn't have purchased it in the first place.'

Reed was about to examine the medallion's centre gem with one of his machines when alarms started to blare all through the building. The stretchy scientists stood up straight at the sound.

'What in the world…?'

No sooner had the alarms started to blare, then Johnny and Ben came running in to Reed's lab.

'Sorry to interrupt the all the scientifical chitchat, Stretch-o, but we got ourselves a situation.' Ben blurted out.

'I'll say!' Johnny exclaimed. 'We've got a big stinking Kree armada over our head, Reed!' A small smile appeared on Reed's lips.

'Hmm, it must be Tuesday.' The flexible pliable professor quipped.

'Heh. Big Brain made a funny.' Ben smirked. Johnny just grimaced in response.

'I don't like it. Funny Reed scares me.'

* * *

**The roof, now-**

Reed, Johnny, the others ran up tot eh roof as fast as they could, just in time to see the Kree armada stop right above their heads.

'I knew the day was goin' to smoothly.' Ben grumbled. 'We ain't had an alien invasion in, oh, a good few days.'

'Of course it had to be those damn dirty Kree.' F'rt grimaced. 'N'ara and I have had our scrapes with them in the past.'

The men all stepped back as a shuttle pod disengaged from the main battle cruiser and came down to land on the roof of the Baxter Building. Then, just at that moment, Sue and the ladies arrived atop an invisible platform.

'What on earth is going on here?' Sue asked as she stepped down onto the roof. 'You haven't been making prank calls to the Supreme Intelligence again, have you, Johnny?'

'Hey, that was a one-off thing, Sue.' Johnny held his hands up in defence. 'I learnt my lesson, remember? Besides, I'm all responsible and grown up now.'

'Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it, Bic Head.' Ben snorted in derision. 'You got the maturity of a sandwich toaster, kid.'

The discussion was cut short as an entry hatch in the shuttle pod's hull opened up and a being with blue skin clad in green armour stepped out.

'By the power invested in me by the Kree Supreme Intelligence, I, Ronan the Accuser, hereby arrest you, F'rt and N'ara of the Skrull Empire, for the crime of theft of an item deemed holy to the Kree Empire. The sentence: _Death!_'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Damn Dirty Kree- Part 2**

_Will the Fantastic Four be able to prevent Ronan the Accuser from executing F'rt and N'ara? Tune in next time to find out! _


	32. Damn Dirty Kree: Part 2

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 32: Damn Dirty Kree- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The roof of the Baxter Building-**

The Fantastic Four, along with Lyja's parents N'ara and F'rt, stood dumbstruck as Ronan the Accuser's sentence sank in. Johnny was the first to speak up.

'Umm, excuse my ignorance, but what the hell is just going on here?' The hot-headed hero demanded. 'You can't just come here and start sentencing people to death willy-nilly!'

'I will not explain myself again, whelp.' Ronan sneered at the human standing before him. 'Now, step aside and allow me to execute these thieves. Or be tried with them.'

'It would help if you told us what they were supposed to have stolen.' Lyja chipped in. Then the young Skrull female noticed the medallion hanging from her father's neck.

'Is that thing what you're here for?' Lyja enquired.

'That is indeed correct, Skrull.' Ronan nodded in confirmation. 'The gem situated in the centre is the Orb of Hala, a gem sacred to the Kree Empire.' F'rt blinked in surprise.

'It's a _what?'_

'F'rt!' N'ara spun to regard her mate. 'Is this true? Is that really a Kree gem?'

'I didn't know at the time, N'ara.' F'rt responded, holding his hands up in defence. 'Do you seriously think that I would even consider purchasing something if I knew that it was Kree in origin?'

'Hmm, perhaps not.' N'ara nodded thoughtfully before turning to regard Ronan. 'See? You can't execute us for stealing. We didn't even know that the gem was Kree in the first place!'

'But that still makes you receivers of stolen goods.' Reed pointed out. 'That is still a crime anywhere in the galaxy.'

'Reed, you're not helping!' Sue hissed at her husband. 'There must be something that we can do to help the plead their case.'

'Yeah!' Johnny agreed. 'I mean, they had no idea!'

'Well, I'd wager that it is too late to simply return the Orb of Hala.' Reed tapped his chin in thought. 'Wait a moment, I remember reading something about Kree traditions when it comes to situations like this. If the accused wishes to plead against their crime, they must challenge the Accuser to ritual battle.'

'But Reed, we're scientists, not warriors.' N'ara pointed out.

'If the accused are unable to battle, they may appoint a replacement.' Reed remembered.

'Then let me do it, Stretcho.' Ben volunteered. 'I've got me a hankerin' fer some Kree butt-whuppin'!'

The former pilot stepped up to challenge Ronan the Accuser, but Johnny stepped in front of him.

'No, Ben!' The flame-wielding hero shook his head. 'I'm not gonna let you do this!'

'Then what are ya gonna do, Bic-Head?' The ever-loving blue-eye Thing asked. 'Are you gonna take Ronan on by yerself?'

'That's exactly what I'm gonna do!' Johnny nodded in determination.

'Johnny, you can't be serious.' Sue blinked in surprise. 'You're about to challenge Ronan the Accuser, not some run-of-the-mill mugger. Not to mention little Tora. How am I going to tell her that her daddy was beaten to a pulp by Ronan the Accuser?'

Johnny turned to regard his sister. He took her hands in his and looked her right in the eyes.

'Sue, you're always saying that I need to be more responsible.' Johnny explained. 'So, this is me being responsible. I'm sticking up for my family.'

'But Johnny, nobody has ever beaten Ronan the Accuser in ritual battle.' Lyja told her husband. 'Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?'

'Danger's my middle name.' Johnny responded with a cocky smirk. 'Okay, actually it's Spencer, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody.'

'So, do you challenge me to battle?' Ronan asked.

'You bet your ugly blue butt I do!' Johnny retorted. 'Bring it on!'

* * *

**A little while later-**

Johnny and Ronan the Accuser were preparing for their battle for the lives of N'ara and F'rt. Johnny was forbidden to use his powers, and Ronan wasn't allowed to use his cybernetic armour or any of his weapons.

'Johnny, are you sure that we can't talk you out of this?' N'ara asked her son-in-law. 'I do not know what I'd do if you were killed while defending our honour.'

'Mebbe if we're lucky, Bic-Head'll make Ronan laugh himself ta death.' Ben snickered. He then noticed Sue glaring at him. 'Whut?'

'Have some faith in him, N'ara.' F'rt told his wife. 'Jonathan Storm is quite an accomplished fighter. He is no pushover.' Lyja gave her father a bemused gaze.

'You mean to say that you're actually saying something positive about my husband?'

'I promise not to make a habit of it.' F'rt responded.

Sue stepped forward and gave her younger brother a hug.

'Johnny, be careful out there.' The Invisible Woman told him. 'Don't do anything foolish.'

'I think it's too late for that, Sue.' Johnny responded. 'But seriously, I'll be fine. Ronan's just one Kree soldier. How tough can he be?'

'Actually, the average Kree has significantly greater strength than an average human.' Reed explained.

'Reed, not helping.' Sue admonished her husband.

'Enough stalling, humans!' Ronan interrupted loudly and impatiently. 'Are you ready to do battle or not?'

'No time like the present.' Johnny muttered to himself as he stepped up in front of his opponent.

'Hey, anybody got some popcorn? This si gonna be good.' Ben looked around. 'Hell, they shoulda held this fight at the Garden.' **(1)**

'I will give you one last chance to step away.' Ronan sneered down at Johnny. 'Do you wish to surrender while you are still able?'

Johnny stared up at the taller alien, looking him right in the eyes, trying to pretend that he wasn't scared.

'Why don't you give up while you still have all your teeth?' The Human Torch retorted.

'Heh. You amuse me, human.' Ronan chuckled. 'It will be a pity to destroy you.'

'Then get on with it.' Johnny poked his opponent in the chest. 'Or are you scared?'

Ronan growled in anger. No being, human or not, cast doubt on his courage and lived. The muscular Kree made a move to grab Johnny by the throat, but he easily ducked out of the way and slugged Ronan right on the chin.

'First blood to you, human.' Ronan stated as he wiped a trickle of blood from his lip. 'Pity it will be your last.'

'Yack, yack, yack.' Johnny rolled his eyes. 'Is this how you usually win your ritual battles, by talking people to death?'

Ronan bellowed in rage and went to slam his fists onto Johnny's shoulders. Once again the Human Torch easily avoided the attack.

'Geez, I thought you were some kind of badass.' Johnny taunted his foe as he dealt him a kick to the stomach. 'But you're just like any other bad guy, all talk!'

'Oh, shards. I can't look…' Lyja grimaced as she covered her face with her hands. 'Johnny's going to get killed.'

'I wouldn't be so hasty to doubt Johnny, Lyja.' Reed told the Skrull female. 'He is doing quite well for himself.'

'I'll say.' Ben nodded in agreement. 'It looks like alla them martial arts movies and wrestling shows that the kid watches are payin' off.'

'I wish that Johnny would just top taunting and win.' Sue winced as she saw Ronan punch her brother on the side of the head, making him fall to the ground.

'Aw, let 'im jump around a while, Suzie.' Ben chuckled. 'It worker fer Ali. Float like a butterfly, burn like a Human Torch.'

'_Ronan! Ronan! Ronan!_' The gathered Kree soldiers cheered. Sue wasn't going to have any of that. She would show the Kree how to cheer people on.

'_Go on, Johnny! Kick his head in!_' The Invisible Woman yelled. '_Hey, Ronan! You're going home in an ambulance!'_

Sue trailed off once she noticed the bemused stares that the others were giving her.

'A little too soccer terrace?' The Invisible Woman smiled sheepishly.

Back in the fight, Ronan had quickly turned the tables on Johnny. The Kree warrior had the Human Torch outclassed.

'I shall let your family watch while I crush your head.' Ronan sneered as he clutched Johnny in a headlock.

'Johnny, no!' Lyja shrieked, fearing that her husband would die before her eyes.

'Do you hear that, human?' Ronan whispered into Johnny's ear as he squeezed tighter. 'Your Skrull bitch seems concerned. And what about that filthy half-breed spawn of yours? What will it do without a father?'

That had done it. Nobody threatened Johnny's family. Not Doctor Doom, and certainly some jumped-up alien in a stupid suit of armour. Johnny burst out of Ronan's grip with an astonishing burst of strength.

'What? That is impossible!' Ronan blinked in shock. 'I had all but defeated you.'

'You shouldn't hurt what you can't kill, buddy.' Johnny retorted as he punched Ronan in the face with so much force that it sent the Kree warrior spinning.

'You know, I am so sick of you aliens coming to our planet and enforcing your laws on us!' Johnny ranted as he kicked Ronan in the kidneys, or whatever passed for kidneys in a Kree. 'I'm surprised that the X-Men or the Avengers haven't already beaten you jerks to pulp. God knows they've got the right!'

Ronan struggled to get up to his feet. Johnny grabbed the blue-skinned alien by the shoulders and helped him up, grabbing him in a headlock of his own.

'Not so cocky now that you're actually getting beaten, are ya?' Johnny hissed into Ronan's ear. 'Now, I'm trying to be a little bit responsible here, so I'm not going to kill you. But if you ever come here again and threaten my family, there won't be enough left of you to spread on a pizza. Now, do yourself a favour and give up, or do I have to get really nasty?'

'Never!' Ronan spat as he struggled to get free. 'Ronan the Accuser never submits!'

'I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that…' Johnny retorted as he tightened his grip on his opponent's throat. 'Would you care to repeat that?'

Ronan silently cursed to himself. He hated to submit to a lowly human, but he was quickly losing the ability to breathe.

'I submit, damn you!' Ronan croaked.

'That's the stuff.' Johnny nodded as he let Ronan go.

Sue, Lyja, and the others looked at each other in confusion.

'Did… did Johnny just win?' Lyja blinked.

'I think so…' Sue nodded slowly. The Invisible Woman could barely believe her eyes. Her brother had just beaten Ronan the Accuser bare-handed!

'Here, I think you want this…' Johnny said as he tossed the Orb of Hala at the defeated Ronan's feet. 'I'd appreciate it if you don't come back.'

The gathered Kree soldiers raised their weapons at Johnny, ready to fire. Ronan held up his hand, signalling them to hold fire.

'No, do not fire.' The Kree warrior shook his head. 'Thus human has beaten me. I must be true to my word.'

'So you're going to leave and never come back?' N'ara asked.

'Yes, that was part of the agreement.' Ronan nodded in confirmation. 'I salute you Jonathan Storm of the Fantastic Four. You have truly been a magnificent opponent.'

And with that, Ronan and his soldiers departed Earth never to return. Once the Kree ships had taken off, Johnny collapsed into Lyja's arms.

'Hey, Bic-Head. You ain't gonna check out on us already, are ya?' A concerned Ben asked.

'Don't sell my stuff just yet, Benjy…' A visibly exhausted Johnny smiled weakly. 'I'm fine. I just need some sleep. A couple of years should do it…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Sue's Full House**

_It's Sue's turn to host the Floating Super-Hero Poker Game, and this time there aren't any men allowed! Guest-starring: She-Hulk, Emma Frost, the Wasp, Medusa of the Inhumans, and Jean Grey._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Ben was referring to Madison Square Garden, the infamous venue for many sporting events._


	33. Sue's Full House

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 33: Sue's Full House**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Baxter Building-**

The home of the Fantastic Four was a hive of activity. Susan Richards was bustling about preparing for guests. It was the turn of the Fantastic Four to host the monthly superhero poker tournament. This month had a twist, however: it was women only. No men were allowed. Sue had already ushered Reed and Johnny out of the building. Ben and Selene were having dinner over at Westchester with August, and Alicia Masters was looking after the children over at her apartment.

'Are you sure we have enough snacks, Sue?' Lyja enquired as she opened up a bag of chips and poured them into a bowl. 'We're not going to run out, are we?'

'I think we'll survive.' Sue responded as she stood back to admire her handiwork. 'Besides, the girls aren't very big eaters anyway. Well, apart from Jen. That lady sure likes her chips. How are we doing for drinks?'

'Plenty of beer and wine.' Lyja told her. 'I even managed to scrounge up some champagne for Emma. It's not Bollinger, but it will have to do.'

'Emma will most probably bring a bottle along anyway just to rub it in.' Sue grumbled.

'Why are you friends with her again?' Lyja asked. 'I get why your friends with Jen and Medusa. They used to be members of the Fantastic Four. But why Emma? She's a total bitch.'

'I guess I like the way she doesn't mince her words.' Sue told her. 'You don't get that much nowadays. People are too afraid of offending others. Emma isn't like that at all.'

'Hey, I'm not one to judge you by the company you keep.' Lyja shrugged. 'Why, if I told you some of the people I used to be friends with…'

_**Ding-dong!**_

'Oh! The guests are here!' Sue realised. 'I didn't realise it was that time already! Do we have everything that we need?'

'Pretty much.' Lyja nodded. 'I'll grab some drinks.'

Sue headed over to the door to let the guests inside.

'Jennifer! Jan!' Sue beamed at the two Avengers. 'Glad you could make it.'

'Hey, you know me, Sue.' She-Hulk grinned. 'I'm never one to miss out on a party.'

'Same here.' The Wasp nodded. 'A rampaging hoard of robots couldn't keep us away.'

'Please, come on in.' Sue beckoned her friends. 'You're the first ones here, so the game hasn't even started yet.'

'Who else is coming?' Jennifer asked as she took a seat.

'I sent a message to Sharon Ventura, but she couldn't make it.' Sue explained. 'That just leaves Jean Grey, Emma Frost, and Medusa of the Inhumans.'

* * *

**A little while later-**

The guests had all arrived and had spared no time in starting the poker game. Jean Grey and Emma Frost had managed to travel over from Westchester without being completely bitchy to each other. Medusa, queen of the Inhumans, had even travelled all the way from Attilan to join in the card game.

Sue had taken it upon herself to deal the cards to her friends.

'It's great to see you again, Medusa.' Sue smiled as she dealt out the cards. 'It's been too long since you last visited.'

'I would truly love to come to Earth more often, but I am afraid that my duties towards my people have precedence.' Medusa explained. 'Perhaps you would like to visit Attilan sometime?'

'Oh, I'd love to.' Sure smiled in response. 'But I'm afraid that I have duties as a mother. I can't leave Franklin and Val on their own, and I don't want to keep bothering Alicia to look after them.'

'Are you two going to sit there and gossip like old women, or are you going to deal those cards?' Emma grimaced. 'If I knew that I would have been sitting here doing nothing, I wouldn't have bothered coming.'

'Eager to lose your cash, eh Frosty?' Jennifer smirked at the blonde telepath.

'I don't need to be a telepath to know that _you _are going to be the one losing, Jennifer darling.' Emma responded.

'Now ladies, let's not come to blows over this…' Jan said as she tried to clam the situation. 'This is nothing but a harmless little poker game, okay?'

'Where people have an unfortunate habit of losing lots of money.' Jean chipped in.

'You're just sore that you are a terrible poker player, Jean.' Emma taunted the redhead with a smirk.

'I'm no worse than you are, Emma _darling._' Jean retorted. 'How much money did _you_ lose in the last game we played together?'

'It isn't becoming to talk about money.' Emma sniffed. 'Now, shall we play?'

'Shouldn't we put a limit on the game?' Lyja suggested. 'As Jan said, this is just a little poker game. There's no need to fleece each other out of thousand of dollars.'

'I agree.' Sue nodded as she finished dealing the cards. 'This isn't a high stakes game, so let's not go crazy. Right, Emma?'

'Very well.' Emma sighed. 'You are the host after all.'

'You better believe it.' Sue grinned. 'My house, my rules. Now, let's play some poker…'

* * *

**Several rounds of poker later-**

It had been an intense couple of rounds, but the group was down to the final two players. Emma had been the first to drop out, much to Jean's amusement. Then it was Jan and Lyja's turn. Soon to be followed by Medusa and Jean. That just left Sue and Jennifer.

Both players stared at the other, as if they were trying to sense a weakness in the other. Sue and Jennifer were both veteran poker players. They had been part of the monthly superhero poker game since the idea had first been thought up.

Jennifer was the first to put her hand down on the table. She had the Jack of Hearts, Spades, and Clubs. She also had the Nine of Spades and Diamonds.

'Full house!' Jennifer declared triumphantly. 'Read 'em and weep, Susan!'

'No so fast, Green Jeans.' Sue told her. 'You haven't seen my cards yet.'

'Then show us your hand.' Lyja demanded. 'Don't keep us in suspense!'

'Well, I might as well put you out of your misery.' Sue smiled as she began to lay down her cards: The Ace of Diamonds, the King of Diamonds, the Queen of Diamonds, the Jack of Diamonds, and the Ten of Diamonds. Sue sat back and smiled triumphantly as her friends took a look at her cards.

'A Royal Flush?' Jennifer spluttered in surprise. 'You had a _Royal Flush!?_ How is that even _possible?_ You must have cheated!'

'It's a clean hand, Jen.' Sue told her. 'I wasn't cheating. Who do you think I am, Emma?'

'I only cheated that one time, and you know that.' Emma glowered. 'There's no need to rub it in.'

'It was an honour to be beaten by you, Susan.' Medusa congratulated her friend. 'I find it much preferable than being beaten by Emma Frost.'

'I am sitting right here, you know.' Emma pointed out. 'Not than anybody actually care about my feelings or anything…'

'Oh, don't be sad Emma.' Jean patted the blonde telepath on he back. 'It's nothing personal, it's just a bit of harmless banter.'

'I would appreciate it if you stopped.' Emma said. 'I might not act like it, but I do have feelings.'

'Okay, that's enough taunting Emma.' Sue said. 'We don't need for tempers getting frayed. Let's leave that sort of nonsense to the men. Now come on, who wants to help me celebrate?'

'I'll have another glass of that champagne of yours.' Emma said.

'Emma, you drank it all.' Jena reminded her. 'I'm surprised you're still standing.'

'It was only one little bottle, darling.' Emma explained. 'I, unlike some people, can handle my drink.'

'That sounds like a challenge.' Jennifer grinned. 'Come on ladies, place your bets. Who do you think can drink more, me or Emma?'

Sue shook her head sadly.

'Does every get together we hold _always_ have to end in a drinking contest?

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Girl Genius**

_Little Valeria Richards has a secret. She is a genius! How will the Fantastic Four react when the truth is revealed during Valeria's birthday party? Tune in next time to find out..._


	34. Girl Genius

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 34: Girl Genius**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Baxter Building-**

It was a very special day at the home of the Fantastic Four. It was little Valeria Richards's second birthday and everybody had been preparing for the big day for quite some time.

The birthday girl was in her room sleeping. The door to Val's room opened slightly as somebody peered in. It was Reed and Susan Richards.

'Val is still asleep.' Reed told his wife as his neck stretched inside the room to check on his daughter. 'She is none the wiser.'

'That girl could sleep through a rampaging Skrull invasion force.' Sue chuckled as she opened the door fully and walked over to her slumbering daughter. 'Val, wake up. It's mommy.'

'Mommy…?' Val yawned as she rubbed her eyes. 'M'sleepy…'

'There isn't time to sleep, honey.' Sue told her daughter. 'It's a big day today. Do you know what day it is?'

Val simply shook her head.

'It's your birthday. Honey.' Reed explained. 'Surely you must have remembered.'

'Birthday?' Val blinked sleepily. The youngest Richards child soon perked up once she realised how special the day was. 'Birthday! Presents!'

'Uncle Johnny and the others are waiting for you, sweetie.' Sue said. 'You don't want to keep them waiting, do you?'

'Nuh-uh.' Val shook her head as she climbed out of bed and took her mother's hand. 'Imma big girl.'

'Yes, you are.' Reed smiled proudly at his daughter as he and Sue led her out of the room. 'You are a very big girl today.'

* * *

**The living room-**

While Sue and Reed were rousing the birthday girl, the remaining inhabitants of the Baxter Building were sitting in the living room beside a big pile of presents.

'Man, this sucks.' Johnny Storm sulked. 'Why don't I get a ton of presents like this on my birthday?'

'Because you're a grown man, Johnny.' Lyja, Johnny's wife, pointed out.

'Not that ya act like it, Bic-Head.' Ben Grimm snickered.

'Bite me, Grimm.' Johnny retorted.

'Boys, stop this nonsense.' Selene, Ben's other half, rolled her eyes. 'Today is Val's birthday, remember? Don't spoil it with your childish bickering.'

'Ben started it.' Johnny sulked.

'Hee. Silly daddy.' Tora, Johnny and Lyja's daughter, giggled.

'Here comes the birthday girl!'

The quartet stopped arguing and turned to see Reed and Sue leading Val into the room. Franklin, Val's older brother, had also joined them.

'Hey, there's the big girl!' Johnny grinned as he got up and gave his niece a big hug. 'How's it feel to be a big girl now?'

'Imma be a princess!' Val grinned happily. 'Mommy said so!'

'Ooh, a princess.' Johnny smiled. 'You're gonna be the prettiest princess in the whole wide world. Cinderella won't have anything on you!'

'Are we gonna have cake and ice-cream for the party?' Franklin yawned sleepily.

'Of course we are, buddy.' Ben told the elder Richards child. 'It wouldn't be a proper party without cake and ice-cream.'

'Ice-cream! Yay!' Val clapped her hands excitedly. 'Imma have ice-cream now!'

'Honey, you can't have ice-cream for breakfast even if it is your birthday.' Sue explained.

'Aww.' Val pouted in disappointment.

'Don't fret. You can have ice-cream later.' Reed comforted his daughter. 'First, you have to open your presents.'

'Presents!' Val squealed in glee. 'My presents!'

The little blonde girl ran over to the pile of gifts and started to tear away at the brightly-wrapped boxes.

'Hey, hey, not so fast.' Sue told her daughter. 'We don't know who they're from first. Bring the gifts over here so we can get a good look at them, okay?'

'Yes, mommy.' Val nodded in understanding as she brought over the first present.

'This one is from your Uncle Ben and I.' Selene explained. 'I hope you'll like it.'

Val slowly began to open the present to reveal a pink fairy outfit complete with shimmering wings and a wand.

'Eee! Fairy clothes!' Val squealed. 'Imma be a fairy now! Can I, mommy?'

'Yes, honey.' Sue chuckled. 'Let's get you changed into your new fairy outfit, then you can open the rest of your presents.'

* * *

**Later-**

It had been quite a busy morning for Val. She had received many presents from her family, and she had more presents to come when the gusts arrived at her party. All that was left was one small presents wrapped in dark green paper and tied in a golden bow.

'I don't remember seeing that one on the pile last night.' Lyja frowned in confusion.

'It came late last night.' Johnny explained. 'You were in bed when the courier brought it in.'

'Didn't you even read the tag?' Lyja asked her husband.

'There wasn't a tag on there.' Johnny shrugged. 'It must have fallen off or something.' Mr Fantastic examined the strange present.

'Wait… I recognise that pattern on the ribbon.' Reed realised. 'That's the Latverian crest!'

'Val, don't touch that present!' Sue yelled as the birthday girl began to open the present, but it was too late. Val unwrapped the present to reveal an ornate wooden box.

'Ooh, pretty…' Val cooed as she began to open the box.

'Val, no!' Reed yelled as he stretched out his hands to grab the box away from his daughter.

'Daddy?' Val blinked in confusion as she looked up at her father.

'I just have to make sure that this present is safe, honey.' Reed told his daughter. 'I'll be in the lab.'

'But daddy…' Val sniffled.

'Come on, sweetie.' Sue told her daughter as put a comforting arm around the little girl's shoulders. 'Let's go put on your fairy princess outfit, okay?'

* * *

**Val's room, later still-**

The Richards needn't have worried about the ornate-looking box from Doctor Doom. The box wasn't as anything sinister like a bomb or a portal into the Negative Zone. It was little more than a music box. When Doom swore to protect little Val after assisting in her birth, it seemed that he had kept his word.

Sue peeked her head around the door to Val's bedroom. The youngest Richards child had disappeared soon after Sue had dressed her in the fairy princess outfit that Ben and Selene bought for her. She was nowhere to be seen.

'Val, are you in here?' Sue asked. 'Where are you hiding?'

There was no answer as Sue stepped into the bedroom. A faint blue glow emanating from underneath the closet door caught Sue's attention as she approached further. She opened the closet door to try and see what was causing the weird glow.

Sue frowned in suspicion as she heard the faint hum of machinery. Something was definitely amiss. The blonde-haired heroine pushed some clothes to one side and peered closer. What met Sue's eyes took her breath away. Somebody had built a laboratory in the back of Val's closet, like a hi-tech Narnia. However, instead of a talking lion and an evil ice queen, there was humming machinery and computer monitors displaying schematics. Standing in the middle of all the machines, with her back to the open door, was Val dressed in regular clothes busying herself with a soldering iron.

'_Val?!' _Sue spluttered. 'What's going on here?'

'Mother!' Val yelped in surprise, dropping the soldering iron. 'I can explain…'

Sue opened her mouth to try and say something, but couldn't manage a single word. She was dumbstruck. Her little daughter, who was barely two years old, was standing in the middle of the sort of laboratory that would make Reed very jealous, and she seemed to know her way around the place as well.

'Can you close the door, please?' Val asked. 'I'd prefer to explain everything in private.'

Sue did as she was told and stepped inside the closet, closing the door behind her.

'You would have noticed by now that I am not like any regular two year old.' Val explained. 'I have recently developed a superhuman intellect. I hypothesise that it is almost equal to my father's. You're not angry, are you…?'

'I'm not angry, just disappointed.' Sue answered. 'Why did you keep your powers secret?'

'If I revealed the truth too soon it would have created a rift within the family.' Val explained. 'I didn't wish to break the family apart.'

'Oh, you're just like your father.' Sue chuckled. 'You think about things too much. Why are you in regular clothes? Don't you like the fairy princess outfit that Uncle Ben and Auntie Selene bought you?'

'Oh, nothing of the sort.' Val said. 'I love my fairy princess outfit. I was just making a few adjustments. Namely, making sure that it could actually fly. It's quite simple really. I merely affixed some repulsors underneath the wings…'

'How about this lab, did you come up with this all by yourself?' Sue quickly changed the subject. She would have to talk to her daughter about messing around with repulsor technology and the like without adult supervision. Super-genius or not, she was still a two year old girl.

'I designed this place a week or two ago when I was supposed to be taking a nap.' Val explained. 'It's dimensionally transcendental, bigger on the inside. You're not going to tell daddy, are you?'

'I'm afraid I have to, sweetie.' Sue sighed. 'Uncle Johnny and the others too. They have a right to know.'

'Daddy will only hook me up to one of his machines and run tests on me.' Val hung her head sadly. 'He'll think that there's something wrong with me.'

'Not if you talk to him about it.' Sue responded. 'You could distract him with one of your new inventions, or if that fails you could flash him puppy dog eyes. Your father is a sucker for that kind of thing.'

'Thank you, mommy.' Val smiled as she hugged her mother tight. 'I'm glad that you understand.'

Sue picked up her daughter and returned the hug.

'Super-intelligent toddlers isn't the most unusual thing that this family has ever encountered.' Sue smiled. ' Look at your big brother. He was born with god-like power. It'll take a little while to get used to your new powers, but we'll adjust. Just as long as you don't do anything silly like build some rocket boots so you can get at the cookie jar.'

Val just smiled in response and let out a nervous chuckle.

'That's just silly…'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Hellfire and Robotics**

_Ben and Selene decide to have a romantic night out at an exclusive restaurant. Unfortunately, some old friends of Selene's from the Hellfire Club, try to put a damper on things. _


	35. Hellfire and Robotics

**Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 35: Hellfire and Robotics**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Manhattan-**

It was a beautiful January night in Manhattan. Even through it was bitterly cold, that didn't stop people from going about their business. Be it a night out on the town or a nice romantic dinner, people weren't going to let the bitter cold stop them from enjoying themselves.

Two such people were Ben Grimm and Selene. The pair hadn't had a night out together for quite some time. Something always seemed to come up, whether it was yet another attempted invasion from the Skrulls, or an incursion from the Negative Zone. The pair were simply enjoying a quiet dinner out together without having to fight any bad guys.

'Ah, I cannot remember the last time we had such a wonderful evening.' Selene sighed happily as she sipped her wine. 'It is such a beautiful evening.'

'All the better that I'm spendin' it with you, honey.' Ben responded lovingly.

'Now, are you sure I cannot pay for dinner tonight?' Selene asked. 'The bill was a little over your usual limit, after all.'

'Aww, ferget it.' Ben waved off his wife's suggestions. 'The night's on me.'

'Very well.' Selene nodded as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. 'Now, what else is on the itinerary tonight?'

'I wuz thinkin' of a walk through the park and an ice-cream.' Ben suggested.

'Mmm, I do so enjoy ice-cream.' Selene smiled. 'It's a wonder how I ever survived in Nova Roma without it.'

'Didn't you use to suck the life outta people?' Ben reminded her.

'Hmm, quite.' Selene nodded. 'The absorption of life force kept me young, Ben. Without it, I age normally.'

'Yeah, that's another thing I gotta ask.' Ben said. 'How come ya don't do that any more. Not that I'm complainin' or anythin'. I like my life force just where it is, I wuz just wonderin'.'

'I have often thought about that myself.' Selene nodded thoughtfully. 'Let us not spoil such a wonderful night by talking about such things…'

Selene trailed off as she saw a figure wearing a featureless skin-coloured mask outside the window.

'Selene, what is it honey?' Ben asked in concern. 'We got trouble?'

'I am afraid so, Ben.' Selene frowned. 'It seems that we will have to cut short our romantic night out.'

* * *

**Outside-**

Ben and Selene followed the masked figure outside the restaurant, where several people were waiting for them. One was a cybernetic Japanese woman dressed all in white. He name was Lady Deathstrike, a foe of Wolverine's. He companion was another Japanese woman, this time dressed in a skimpy black and white outfit. Her name was Lady Bullseye. Little else was known about her.

'I must thank you for your prompt arrival.' Lady Deathstrike said. 'I would have hated to have spoiled your dinner by coming in there after you.'

'Do you know these skanks?' Ben inquired.

'They're Lady Deathstrike and Lady Bullseye.' Selene explained. 'Lackeys of the Hellfire Club'. What do you want Deathstrike?' Selene glowered at the cyborg woman.

'The Black King has no use of you in his new Inner Circle.' Lady Bullseye explained. 'He has ordered us to eliminate you before you cause him any problems.'

'I see that Shinobi Shaw is still having ideas above his station.' Selene snorted in derision. 'He was an even bigger fool than his father.'

'I got no idea what yer all talkin' about.' Ben sighed. 'But if you want to fight, than Momma Grimm's little boy is happy to oblige.'

'Very well then.' Lady Deathstrike nodded in understanding. 'Guards, destroy them!'

The Hellfire goons leapt into action at their mistress's command.

'So much fer a romantic dinner.' Ben sighed as he took on his more familiar orange rocky form. **(1) **'And ya know what time it is when ya interrupt Ben Grimm's dinner time. It's clobberin' time!'

_**POW!**_

Ben slugged one of the Hellfire goons in the head. Much to the ever-loving blue-eyed Thing's surprise, the goon's head fell off, trailing sparkling wires.

'Huh. They're robots.' Ben sniffed. 'That's a bonus, I guess.'

_**FWOOSH!**_

Jets of fire shot out from Selene's hands, melting more of the goons into molten metal.

'It seems that recruitment rates for the Hellfire Club are falling, dearest.' Selene stated. 'Have things become so bad that they are forced to assemble their own minions?'

'Things have never been better, traitor!' Lady Deathstrike shot back. 'The Black King has finally brought honour to the Hellfire Club.'

'Call it what you will, but I still say that this Hellfire Club is little more than a pale imitation of how it was in it's heyday.' Selene retorted. 'Shinobi Shaw is little more than an amateur.'

'You will pay dearly for insulting our master so!' Deathstrike hissed as she leapt in to attack Selene. Fortunately, Ben was there to grab the cybernetic woman by the arm.

'Hey, watch those claws!' Ben snapped as he dodged a swipe from Deathstrike's lethal adamantium claws. 'You're gonna take somebody's eye out.'

'I aim to take out more than an eye, gaijin dog.' Deathstrike spat as she took another swipe at the Thing. Ben grabbed the robotic woman's other arm, holding her still.

'Let's see how you take out an eye without those pig-stickers of yours.' Ben snorted as he yanked Deathstrike's cybernetic arms out of their sockets, making her scream out in pain.

_**SHRAKT!**_

'You may have defeated Deathstrike with ease, but you will find defeating me significantly more difficult.' Lady Bullseye said as she leapt in to attack.

'Oh, shut up.' Selene sighed heavily as she waved her hand at the woman, using her command over unliving matter to enable a giant fist to grow from the grab, grabbing hold of Lady Bullseye.

'I am sorely tempted to crush you with this giant stone hand I have conjured.' Selene told the defeated White Rook. 'But I am trying to live a new life now, so I will make you an offer. Take what remains of your allies and give Shaw a message. If he tries this again, I will come for him and I will not be so merciful.'

Lady Bullseye had heard of all of Selene's deeds when she was still the Black Queen. She knew it was not wise to mess with such a powerful woman.

'Very well.' Lady Bullseye nodded. 'I will deliver your message.'

The giant stone hand released Lady Bullseye from its grip, and the woman beat a hasty retreat with her remaining lackeys.

'Ya were kiddin' about goin' after that Shaw kid next time, right?' Ben blinked.

'I was deathly serious, Benjamin.' Selene responded matter-of-factly. 'I do not take kindly to attempts on my life.'

'I think it's time we both took some time off.' Ben recommended. 'Yer startin' to act like yer old self.'

'Yes, perhaps we could do with some time away from it all.' Selene nodded. 'I have always wanted to visit Australia…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Sweet Christmas!**

_With Ben and Selene away on holiday, who will take the place of the ever-loving blue-eyed thing? Luke Cage, that's who! And what it Cage's first job as member of the Fantastic Four? Solving a border dispute between Mole Man and Tyrannus._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Ben discovered he was able to switch between his human and rocky forms after a magical mix-up between Selene and Diablo in Rome. As seen in Chapter 19._


	36. Sweet Christmas: Part 1

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 36: Sweet Christmas: Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Baxter Building-**

A taxicab pulled up outside the home of the Fantastic Four. Ben Grimm, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, was taking some time off with his wife and had asked a friend to take over his spot on the team. That friend was Luke Cage. Luke stepped out of the cab and paid the driver before helping Jessica, his wife, and daughter Danielle.

Having unpacked all of their cases from the cab, the Cage trio headed inside the Baxter Building.

'Ah Mr Cage, you are expected.' Roberto, the Baxter Building's cybernetic receptionist, smiled warmly in greeting. 'Please, enter the elevator. The Richards and Mr Storm are waiting for you upstairs.' Luke couldn't help but frown slightly.

'You can't be expecting a welcome party.' Jessica chuckled. 'I would sort of expect it from Johnny Storm. Just think of all the merchandising opportunities a new member of the Fantastic Four brings. Sue's most probably busy looking after the kids, and Reed… Well, you know Reed Richards. He's most probably got his head stuck in some new discovery.'

'It woulda been nice, is all.' Luke sniffed. 'Make a guy feel welcome.'

'You never know, they might be waiting upstairs with balloons and cake. I hear Lyja Storm makes a wicked chocolate cheesecake.' Jessica peered down at little Danielle Cage. 'Would you like that, honey? Some nice chocolate cake?' Danielle just gurgled happily.

The doors to the elevator opened and the Cages were greeted with quite a sight. Reed Richards was standing atop two stools, one foot on each, as he struggled with putting up a welcome banner. Even with his stretchy limbs, Reed found it difficult to keep stable.

'Reed, be careful.' Susan Richards grimaced. 'Sturdy elastic body or not, you're still going to hurt yourself if you fall.'

'Susan, there's really no need to…' Reed trailed off as he noticed that they had guests. 'Ah, Luke! you're early. We weren't expecting you so soon. Apologies on the state. There were matters in the Microverse that needed to be tended to.'

'Think nothing of it, Reed.' Luke grinned. 'I guess I should be the one apologising.'

'Yeah, somebody was up early raring to go.' Jessica smirked. 'He was like a kid at Christmas.'

'Thank you for coming anyway.' Susan smiled at the new arrivals. 'I'm sorry we called you at such short notice.'

'Anything I can do for a buddy is fine with me.' Luke smiled.

'Johnny will be along soon.' Sue explained. 'He's in a meeting with the merchandising people.' Jessica shot her husband an '_I told you so' _sort of look.

'I am so sorry about that.' Sue apologised. 'I tried to talk Johnny out of it, but sometimes he can be so stubborn. I almost expected him to hide in his room and sit there sulking.'

'Franklin and the others wanted to come and say hi.' Lyja greeted with a wave as she walked in with the children.

'Hey there, kid.' Luke grinned as he knelt down to talk to Franklin, tussling his blond hair slightly. 'You been keeping outta trouble?'

'Yes sir, Mister Cage.' Franklin nodded in response. 'Are you gonna take Unca' Ben's place forever?'

'Just as long as he's on holiday.' Luke answered. 'There's no need so call me sir. We're all buddies here. Call me Luke.'

'Hey there, sweetie. What's that book you're reading?' Jessica asked as she knelt down to talk to Val. 'Something about Ponies?'

'A Brief History Of Time by Professor Stephen Hawking.' Val answered matter of factly. 'I was marking all the mistakes.'

'Uh… okay.' Jessica blinked in confusion.

'It seems that Val has developed heightened intelligence.' Reed explained. 'Lyja was just reading her a story, wasn't she?'

'Yes, daddy.' Val smiled as she held up her book. It was indeed a book about ponies. 'I may be a super-genius, but I am still a two year old girl.'

Sue then beckoned Luke and Jessica to follow her.

'If you'll just come this way, I'll show you to the spare rooms.' Sue told them. 'I'll let you get unpacked before we have dinner. Hopefully Johnny will be back before then.'

'Sue, there's really no need to go to all this trouble.' Jessica told her hostess.

'It's no trouble at all.' Sue responded. 'You're our guests. Besides, it's been a long time since I last had to entertain guests.'

* * *

**Later-**

The Cages had unpacked all their things and had joined the others for dinner. Sue had put on quite a spread. The Fantastic Four barely had time to enjoy a proper dinner together, what with the likes of Doctor Doom or Galactus always kicking up a fuss. Usually they only had time for takeout after defeating the latest intergalactic threat.

'Wow. This is just… Wow.' Luke shook his head in amazement. 'You really shouldn't have gone to al this trouble, Sue.'

'It's nice to finally get a chance to cook a dinner for everybody.' Sue reassured. 'We don't seem to get much time for a family meal nowadays.'

'I bet you five bucks something ends up interrupting dinner.' Johnny piped up. 'I bet another five if it's another alien invasion. It is Tuesday, after all.'

'I thought Doctor Doom usually attacked on a Tuesday.' Lyja blinked in confusion.

'No, that's Friday.' Johnny responded. 'Or is it Wednesday? No, Namor's Wednesday… I think.'

'Johnny, stop that.' Sue admonished her brother. 'Nothing's going to interrupt our dinner.' No sooner had those very words come from Sue's mouth then the whole Baxter Building was shaken by a colossal tremor. 'Me and my big mouth.'

_**BADOOM!**_

'Ha! You owe me five bucks, Sue!' Johnny crowed as he punched the air. 'I knew it!'

_**BADOOM!**_

Reed stretched out an arm to catch the dishes that came crashing out of the cupboards.

'I am afraid that dinner will have to wait until after we combat this latest threat, Susan.' Reed apologised. Sue let out a heavy sigh at that.

'I guess it's takeout again…'

* * *

**Outside-**

With dinner abandoned Reed, Sue, Johnny, and Luke all headed up to the roof to check out what was going on. Jessica stayed inside with Lyja to look after the children.

'I guess bad guys don't wait until people get settled in.' Luke quipped as he surveyed the destruction that had been wrought down below.

'Those tremors could have only come from one thing.' Reed thought out loud. 'Mole Man.'

'But why would he do such a thing?' Sue asked. 'Mole Man has been so quiet for so long. Why start causing trouble now?'

'We had better find out what he wants before he levels the whole city.' Reed said. 'Come on, let's get to the Fantasticar!'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Sweet Christmas- Part 2**

_What does the Mole Man want this time? Tune in next time to find out!_


	37. Sweet Christmas: Part 2

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 37: Sweet Christmas- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**The streets of Manhattan-**

The Fantasticar sped through the streets of Manhattan. The Mole Man was up to his old tricks, and one of his monsters was on the rampage. Luke Cage held on as if his life depended on it. Sure, his skin was unbreakable and he would more than likely survive a fall from the Fantasticar, but he didn't want to put that to a test.

'Uh Reed, no offence or anything, but did you ever think of fitting this thing with seatbelts?' Luke asked.

'Don't worry, Luke.' Reed told his teammate. 'You are quite safe in the Fantasticar.'

'Instead of seatbelts, we've got an energy field keeping us in our seats.' Johnny chipped in. 'It's pretty safe, but it sucks when we get a crappy in-flight movie.'

'I can see one of the Mole Man's monsters.' Sue said as she squinted into the distance. 'It's just standing there.'

'Brace for impact, everybody.' Reed advised the team. 'It may be preparing to attack.'

The Fantasticar hovered around the monster's head, yet the creature still failed to make its move.

'What are you doing on the Surface World, Mole Man?' Reed asked the squat ugly man standing upon the monster's shoulders. 'You promised to live in peace.'

'I require your assistance, Reed Richards.' The Mole Man stated.

'What, you couldn't just come and ask for us, Moley?' Johnny snorted in derision. 'What's the matter, you lose your address book?'

'I have no time for jokes, Jonathan Storm.' The Mole Man responded. 'My kingdom is under attack.'

'Well, seeing that we're all here, we might as well help him.' Sue shrugged. 'Lead the way.'

* * *

**Deep underneath the ground-**

The Mole Man led the Fantastic Four deep underneath the ground to the remains of his underground city.

'Jeez, this place was never exactly a beauty spot, but it's sure let itself go since we last came here.' Johnny said as he looked about at his surroundings. 'What the heck happened here?'

'This was the work of Tyrannus.' The Mole Man stated. 'He attacked my kingdom without provocation and almost destroyed everything.'

'Where is everybody?' Luke Cage asked. 'Shouldn't those little yellow guys be running around?'

'Those Moloids that were not killed in the initial attack were taken away by Tyrannus's soldiers to become slaves.' Mole Man explained. 'I was left for dead, but I managed to escape. We must attack him in kind! Tyrannus must pay for the destruction of my kingdom!'

_**FOOM!**_

A burst of magical flame narrowly missed Mole Man and obliterated a stalactite behind him.

'It's an ambush!' Johnny realised. 'You led us into a trap, Moley! _**FLAME ON!'**_ the Human Torch's body burst into flames as he took to the air.

'It was not my wish to lure you into a trap!' Mole Man responded as he returned fire at their hidden attackers with his energy staff. 'It Tyrannus and his men! They are here to finish the job!'

'Then let's show him not to mess with the Fantastic Four!' Luke said as he picked up a boulder and tossed it at their attackers. Reed and Sue followed suit and fought back against the hidden attackers.

'Enough!'

The hidden attackers halted their assault at the barked command.

'You should not have come back.' Tyrannus, the immortal Roman conqueror said. 'This kingdom is mine, what remains of it.'

'You had no right to attack the Mole Man's kingdom, Tyrannus.' Sue told the villainous Roman. 'Give him back his kingdom, and we can stop the fighting.'

'Even if I was inclined to return the Mole Man's kingdom, I would not do so at your command, woman.' Tyrannus sneered. 'Now, run along and return to your cooking and birthing like a good obedient woman.'

The other members of the Fantastic Four looked at each other nervously. Tyrannus was obviously unfamiliar with Susan Richards. She was more than just any little lady. She was arguably the most powerful member of the Fantastic Four. Even Doctor Doom himself was wary against angering the Invisible Woman.

Tyrannus went for his sword, but found his arms bound by invisible bonds. 'What trickery is this?' The immortal Roman spluttered in disbelief.

'Do you want to belittle women now, Tyrannus?' Sue asked as she hefted the villain into the air. 'Are you going to apologise and return the Mole Man's kingdom back to him?'

'Soldiers! Destroy them!' Tyrannus commanded.

'Yeah, I dare you.' Johnny grinned. 'You think you can fight us without your boss getting splattered? Come on, give us your best shot.'

The Roman soldiers looked at each other uncertainly. They could not risk attacking their enemies and getting their leader killed in the process.

'Cowards!' Tyrannus bellowed. 'You shall all be flogged for this!'

'The battle is over, Tyrannus.' Reed told the defeated villain. 'You have lost and your army is retreating. You will be taken back to the Surface World to meet your punishment.'

'Fools! You have no idea who you are trifling with!' Tyrannus hollered. 'I will destroy you all!'

_**POW!**_

The immortal Roman's threats were cut short as Luke Cage slammed his fist onto the top of his head.

'Man, that loser was driving me nuts. He never shuts up!'

'I am in your debt, Susan Richards.' The Mole Man said. 'There must be some way I can repay you.'

'There is something you could do.' Susan said. 'Now that you have your kingdom and your subjects back, you can help to rebuild the damage you have done to the city above.'

'Very well.' The Mole Man nodded. 'Even I know better than to argue with the mighty Susan Storm.'

'Wow, keep this up, Sue, and you'll give Squirrel Girl a run in the bad-ass stakes.' Johnny snickered.

'Oh, it was nothing.' Sue smiled modestly. 'Now come on, we have a welcome celebration to continue. Let's go home.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Girlie Night Out**

_Sue and the girls head out for a girlie night out. Nothing could possibly go wrong… could it?_


	38. Girlie Night Out

**The Uncanny Fantastic Four**

**Chapter 38: Girlie Night Out**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**The Baxter Building-**

Night had fallen in Manhattan and Susan Richards was preparing for a girls' night out. She, Lyja and Jessica Cage had arranged to meet Jennifer Walters, Alicia Masters and Sharon Ventura downtown later.

'You girls stay safe, okay?' Luke Cage asked. 'Don't go getting into no trouble.'

'For crying out loud, Luke. You're like such an old woman some times.' Jessica rolled her eyes at her over-protective husband. 'Even if I have quit the superhero business, I can still take care of myself.'

'I just worry about you sometimes, honey.' Luke said as he held his wife close.

'Hey, watch the dress!' Jessica teased her husband as she gently pushed him away. 'You're creasing it!'

'We'd better make a move soon, Jess.' Sue said as she checked her watch. 'The cab will be here soon. Just let me say goodbye to Reed and the kids first.'

'Aren't you forgetting Johnny?' Jessica asked.

'Who did you think I meant when I mentioned the kids?' Sue chuckled as she went ahead to say her goodbyes.

* * *

**Downtown-**

Sue and her group had met up with the others downtown and were trying to decide where to go first. Jennifer wanted to check out a new club that had just opened, but Sharon shot down that suggestion. She hated noisy clubs and would have felt much more comfortable having a quiet drink in a bar somewhere. Jennifer then suggested a strip club where it happened to be ladies night, but that just earned her a glare from the others.

'Well, where are we going to go?' Jennifer asked as she threw her hands up in exasperation. 'So far you haven't liked any of my suggestions!'

'I think we're a little old to go clubbing, Jen.' Sue pointed out. 'It'll only be full of kids anyway.'

'I'm not really in the mood to get hit on by some drunken college jerk.' Jessica piped up. 'I'm kind of leaning more towards Sharon's idea.'

'Alicia, Lyja. What do you ladies think?' Sue asked.

'Going to a bar is good for me.' Alicia nodded in agreement. Lyja added her consent as well.

'You do realise that you're just as likely to get hit on by some drunken college jerk in a bar, right?' Jen reminded them. Lyja answered the remark with a cheeky grin.

'Yes, but in a bar we won't be subjected to what the young humans claim to call music.' Jen shook her head with a heavy sigh.

'I just know this night is just going to suck.'

'Oh, cheer up.' Sue smiled as she patted her friend on the back. 'You never know, they might have an offer on shots.' Jen perked up at that and grabbed hold of Sue's hand, leading her down the road.

'C'mon! Those shots aren't gonna down themselves!'

* * *

**Later-**

Jen's protests at being taken to a quiet little bar were soon forgotten once she discovered that there was indeed an offer on shots. The Jade Giantess had already imbibed several and was no worse for wear. Not everybody was so fortunate, however.

'Come on, let's hit the dance floor!' A rather tipsy Lyja said as she tugged on Sue's arm. 'It's time to make the magics!' Sue reluctantly followed her Skrull sister-in-law to the dance floor.

'Wow, some people can't handle their drinks.' Jessica shook her head as she finished off her drink. 'I think it's my turn to buy. Aren't you having any shots, Sharon?'

'With these hands?' Sharon chuckled, waving her great big rocky hands about. 'I don't think that's such a good idea. I'll stick with beer, thank you.'

'A bunch of shots all round and a beer for Sharon.' Jessica thought out loud as she turned to head for the bar. Alicia piped up, stopping Jessica in her tracks.

'I think I'll just have a water, please.' The blind sculptress said. 'I don't really drink much anyway, and I think I've had more than enough.'

'Suit yourself.' Jessica shrugged as she turned and headed for the bar.

A commotion from the direction of the dance floor alerted the woman to trouble. Sue came stomping back to their table, leading Lyja by the hand.

'We're leaving.' The Invisible Woman told them.

'But Jess has just gone to get more drinks.' Jen sulked. Sue simply glowered in response.

'We're _leaving!_' Jen knew better than to disagree with Sue when she was angry. She put an arm under the drunken Lyja's shoulder and helped Sue escort her out. 'C'mon Lyja, let's go get you some ice-cream, okay?'

'Yes, ice-cream!' Lyja hiccupped. 'Now the fun will be doubled!'

* * *

**A store nearby-**

Lyja had managed to behave herself until the ladies reached the nearest convenience store for ice-cream. Thankfully the walk to the store had managed to sober her up a little bit, but she was still a little out of it.

'Are you sure you don't want to wait outside?' Sharon asked. 'You could fall over and smash something.'

'Aww, I'm fine.' Lyja waved her friend's worries away. 'I'm fine. It's not like I'm going to fall over or anything. As if to prove her point Lyja did a spin and went to put out a hand to steady herself against a pillar. She lost her grip and fell against a display of pickles, tipping several of the jars off the shelves. She sprouted some extra arms and caught the falling jars before they could smash on the floor. 'See? No problem.'

Unfortunately, what the ladies didn't know was that several men wearing Halloween masks armed with guns had entered the convenience store. They headed to the counter and aimed their weapons at the poor woman standing behind the counter.

'Gimmie all the money!' The fellow in the lead, the one wearing a werewolf mask, demanded. 'Do it quick and nobody has to get hurt!'

The sound of a stick tapping on the ground alerted the would be robber to the fact that he wasn't alone. He spun around and aimed his gun at the person who was sneaking up behind him. It was a blind woman with red-blonde hair.

'Oh, I'm sorry.' Alicia apologised. 'Am I interrupting something?'

'Alicia! What the hell are you doing?' An invisible Sue hissed.

'Don't worry, Sue.' Alicia told her invisible friend. 'I know what I'm doing.'

'Everybody get down!' Another one of the robbers, this one wearing a zombie mask, yelled as he waved his gun around.

'Now, that's no way to handle a gun is it?' Alicia tutted as she lashed out with her stick, knocking the gun out of the guy's hand. 'Oh dear, did I do that? I don't know what just happened.' Another one of the goons levelled the gun at Alicia, but found it swatted away by one of his fellows.

'You can't shoot her, man. She's blind!' The fellow pointed out. He was then promptly knocked to the floor by an invisible force field.

'It's nice to see that some of you idiots have a sense of decency.' Sue said as she turned visible once more.

'Holy crap! It's the Invisible Woman!' One of the goons yelled. 'Let's get outta here!' he and his remaining compatriots turned tail and ran right into Jen and Sharon.

'Evening, gents.' Jen grinned, towering over the cowering thieves. 'I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon.'

'Yeah, things are only starting to get good.' Sharon added, matching her friend's grin.

* * *

**A thorough thrashing later-**

With the would be thieves defeated, Sue and the ladies waited for them to be taken away by the authorities. Lyja was sitting on the sidewalk with her head in her hands, feeling a little worse for wear.

'I feel like Galactus is tap-dancing on my brain.' The Skrull woman complained. 'That's it. I'm never touching alcohol again.'

'You're not hunger over already, are you?' Jessica asked. 'Don't you have to, y'know, wait until the morning after?'

'Alien biology, I guess.' Jen shrugged. 'Can't allow yourself to get drunk when there's planets to conquer, I guess.'

'The ice-cream should cheer you up.' Sharon comforted Lyja with a rocky hand on her shoulder. 'Who ended up getting that stuff anyway?'

The group of women all looked at one another. During all the business with the convenience store hold up, they had completely forgotten about the ice-cream that they had gone in to the store to buy in the first place. Sue was the one that broke the silence.

'Fine, I'll go get some ice-cream.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Johnny and the Avengers**

_Johnny Storm finds out that the Thing is now a member of the West Coast Avengers. He realises that all of the other member of the Fantastic Four had been a member of the Avengers at one time or another and sets out to form his own team of heroes. Guest-starring Spider-Man and… the Fabulous Frog-Man? No, really._


End file.
